Whoohoo, I just woke up and this is the second message I have read. You know what the best thing is of you going thereā¦
You showed yourself your right mind is actually stronger then your addict mind.
I go 2 times a week and when I am at risk Iāll go extra. Do whatās good for you but please practice this and donāt put off going to a second meeting!
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Thanks heaps dude. It was actual scary. I didnt wanna do it. But for once my auto pilot kicked in in the right way and I just did it anyway. I mean Iāll be honest im not convinced its gna make the difference but I do believe those people when they say it has so I will keep going and see what happens.
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Thank you for your honesty!
The good thing here is you donāt have to be convinced, what youāll have to do is just thisā¦
Accept you couldnāt do it alone anymore.
Accept that your life has become unbearable.
Surrender to those believes and you will find that the program can give you some guidance strength and accountability.
I remember my first meetingā¦ My thoughts then:
I donāt belong here, I am not that bad, I am no junkie.
And know merely 4 months later. The conviction is āIā donāt matter anymore.
As long as I keep going back and accept that alone wasnāt an option anymoreā¦ It works.
I have read a lot about Ego, thatās the part of us that keeps thinking āmeh I got thisā when proven wrong enough times.
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Dude I had to tell myself honestly I am as ad as these peopleā¦I kept hearing the thoughtā¦Iām not this badā¦I am taking up a seat someone else needsā¦maybe Iām okayā¦but then unread the āAm I an addict?ā Brochurā¦and sure before I read it I was like ywah dah Iām going to a meeting ofcourse I amā¦and wasnt gna read itā¦but then I did and having the questions laid out one at a time really opened my eyesā¦I am an addict. Full stop. It sucksā¦ALOT Iāve cried tonight ALOT. But it is what it is.
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You seeā¦ We are all alike, we had the exact same thoughts. For me that says it all.
Darn proud off you, and I hope you know can see why so many fellows here urged you to find a program/meeting. Have a great Sunday 
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Yeah I have to thank everyone on this thread for nudging me more and more. I need it obviously. It honestly helps having all of you! Thanks for giving me that reassurance dude. And earlier today thanks @crystalclear thank you for giving me that final push.
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Watching your journey is great I see all the little pieces falling into placeā¦ Its an amazing feeling when we open our eyes and mind and see ourselves for the first time in years. The reason we find things that we believe help us is because we are willing and desperate to agree and accept it. This is no happy accident, this is You and your HP working together at last and not ignoring yourself worth.
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Iām so glad you went!! So so proud of you (not in a condescending motherly way just proud for you). That was so brave of you and a great step towards doing things differently this time. Cheering for you lady!