I am grateful for my continuous support from my family. They have helped pick me back up onto my feet every time I fall.
My most recent decision to permanently put down alcohol is because I’d gone on a date with someone I met on a dating app. We were both nervous, so we were drinking a little quicker than usual.
We started with drinks at dinner, went to another place for a couple more, and by the third place I had blacked out. I remember bits and pieces of the third place. I know I did or said something to piss my date off. I wasn’t into him, and normally I would’ve been polite and finished the date and gone home. However, because of the amount of alcohol I drank, I was rude and told him to leave me where we were alone.
I think he knew how drunk I was because he didn’t leave, I remember at one point turning around and seeing him standing right behind me. I’m sure it was just to make sure I was okay, but I tend to misread situations when I’m drunk and I got irritated that he didn’t respect my request of leaving me alone.
That is the last thing I remember.
For whatever reason, I made the decision to walk to my car, get in and drive home. Before I knew, I woke up from my backout behind the wheel with my gas light on and when I put my address in the GPS, I was an hour and a half away. I don’t know how I managed to drive so far from home while under the influence, or how I didn’t realize I was going WAY outside of town to a completely DIFFERENT STATE.
Trigger warning
I had a mental breakdown, called my little brother who lives back home, and was telling him I hated myself and wanted to end my life. I bought a knife for protection before living in my van for the short amount of time I did. I started cutting myself and my brother told me to call the police.
I did. They drove to me, had the EMT check me out. My wounds were not bad enough to need medical attention, so they had me leave with the officers who then arrested me.
I don’t know why, but they didn’t charge me with a DUI. They charged me with open container and public intoxication.
I spent the weekend in jail. My one call was to my sister, because she is the only person’s number I know by heart. I had 3 minutes to explain what happened, and asked her to please contact our mom to call my work (at a place I just started and am really excited about).
My mom and little brother were there that following Monday to pick me up. They paid to pick up my car from the towing place. Helped me get a new phone since mine was lost somehow during my van being towed.
I will be paying them back. But it’s the fact that they have seen me act completely insane before when it comes to alcohol, and they have never once told me I had to figure it out on my own.
Had I not had my family’s support through all of this, and for the many times before where I got myself into a crappy situation, my life would honestly be a wreck.
This last time was my biggest wake up call. The fact that the police let me off easy, the fact that my family helped me, all of it.
I realized that I can’t continue to just make careless decisions when there are people who love me and want to see me succeed. Especially when they have tried their hardest to help me do so. If I made the conscious decision to continue drinking, it would be like slapping everyone in the face.
I’m embarrassed from all the decisions I’ve made while under the influence. But what matters is that I have my family and you guys (who I’m also very grateful for) to help hold me accountable and want what is best.
So thanks to you guys, too.