I love this and had to share from my In The Rooms email today:
This Year Iāll Finally Stop Lying to Myself
(A recovery story told by a guy whoās still figuring it out)
I donāt know who decided January was the month weāre all supposed to become better people, but every year it sneaks up on me like a supervisor whoās been watching me pretend to look busy. Suddenly everyoneās talking about resolutions. Running marathons, drinking green smoothies, organizing their garagesā¦ Meanwhile, Iām over here just trying to keep my coffee cup from sliding off the dashboard.
But this year, something hit different. Maybe itās the fact that Iām actually clean and sober enough to notice things now, or maybe it was the way my buddy Earl announced he was āgiving up negativityā while actively yelling at the gas pump. Maybe it was just time. Either way, I found myself thinking about goals. Real ones, not the kind you write on a sticky note and lose under the truck seat.
So hereās the truth: last year, I spent a lot of time lying to myself. Not big lies, just the small, slippery ones. āIām fine.ā āI donāt need help.ā āIāll deal with that later.ā āI can handle this on my own.ā
Turns out, those little lies pile up like scrap metal behind the shop. You donāt notice how bad itās until you trip over it.
So this year, I decided my goal was simple: stop lying to myself. Just tell the truth, even when itās uncomfortable, when it makes me look human, when it means admitting I donāt have a clue what Iām doing.
And let me tell you, itās beenā¦ humbling.
Day 1 I told my sister I was overwhelmed instead of pretending I had everything under control. On morning 2 I admitted to my sponsor that I was craving so hard I couldāve chewed through drywall. On the 3rd night, when I told a friend I was lonely, which for a guy who used to think feelings were optional, it felt like confessing to a felony.
But hereās the wild part: every time I told the truth, something got lighter. Not easier, just lighter. Like I wasnāt dragging around a toolbox full of secrets anymore.
Iām not saying honesty magically fixes your life. If that were true, my truck would start on the first try and my boss would stop scheduling meetings at 7 a.m. But honesty does something better: it gives you a fighting chance. It keeps you grounded and connected. It keeps you from[ drifting back into that old life where everything was smoke and mirrors and āIām fineā was the only sentence in your pocket.
So if youāre staring down this new year feeling like everyone else has a colorācoded plan and youāre just trying to keep your head above water, let me offer this: pick one goal that actually matters to you. Not the fancy one. Not the impressive one. The real one.
Maybe itās staying clean and sober one more day. Maybe itās calling someone back. Maybe itās eating something green that didnāt come from a vending machine. Maybe itās telling the truth, even just once, when youād normally hide.
Whatever it is, start there. Start small. Start messy. Start honest.
Because if a stubborn, sarcastic knucklehead like me can make progress, I promise youāre not too far gone.
And hey, if all else fails, you can just start over any time. You donāt have to wait for next January.
Wow! I love it too! Thanks for sharing. I have to pick something to read and share about to kick off my ladies meeting next week. Iām absolutely using this.
Each Day a New Beginning
When people make changes in their lives in a certain area, they may start by changing the way they talk bout that subject, how they act about it, their attitude toward it, or an underlying decision concerning it. --Jean Illsley Clarke
Acting āas ifā is powerful. It leads the way to a changed attitude, a changed woman.
If we are self-conscious in crowds and fearful about meeting new people and yet act poised and extend our hands in friendship, weāll not only behave in a new way, but feel good about it, too.
Each act we take in this way brings us closer to the woman we are behaving like. Each positive change we make builds our self-esteem.
Realizing that through our own actions we are becoming the kind of women we admire gives us the strength, in fact, encourages the excitement in us thatās needed to keep changing. Making positive changes in our lives is the stuff that comprises self-esteem. Each gain makes the next one easier to attempt.
I will accept an opportunity today to act āas ifā I can handle a situation I used to run from.
Vulnerability
Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on āfeelings freeze modeā when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt.
Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery.
It is understandable that we donāt want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share. In fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.
That was yesterday. Today, we donāt have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we donāt have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.
We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when thatās appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We donāt have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.
Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe itās showing us weāre going in a wrong direction; maybe itās triggering a deep healing process.
Itās okay to feel hurt; itās okay to cry; itās okay to heal; itās okay to move on to the next feeling, when itās time. Our willingness and capacity to feel hurt will eventually be matched by our willingness and capacity to feel joy.
Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.
Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. I am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.
Quoted from the app The Language of Letting Go.
Love these readings. Thank you.
Twenty-Four Hours A Day
A.A. Thought For The Day
When we were drinking, most of us had no real faith in anything. We may have said that we believe in God, but we didnāt act as though we did. We never honestly asked God to help us and we never really accepted His help. To us, faith looked like helplessness. But when we came into A.A., we began to have faith in God. And we found out that faith gave us the strength we needed to overcome drinking. Have I learned that there is strength in faith?
Meditation For The Day
I will have faith, no matter what may befall me. I will be patient, even in the midst of troubles. I will not fear the strain of life, because I believe that God knows just what I can bear. I will look to the future with confidence. I know that God will not ask me to bear anything that could overcome me or destroy me.
Prayer For The Day
I pray that I may put this day in the hands of God. I pray for faith, so that nothing will upset me or weaken my determination to stay sober.
Daily Inspiration
We have many doors, but it is our choice which one to open. Lord, bless me with the wisdom to make the best of my daily life.
Happiness comes from knowing that you can handle the things in your life. Lord, help me to become confident and see the power that is really within me .
In the problem, I too had sooo much ego and pride. I was very self-centered thinking the world revolved around me. But once I realized (coming into AA/NA) that I wasnt God. That the world didnt revolve around me. And that I couldnt solve my own problems aloneā¦ I became very humbled. Humility allowed me to surrender. Surrendering everything to God allowed me to heal and grow and learn 
I have been off-the-beam for a day or so, really for the first time in my sobriety and my decision to jump in intensely with a sponsor and steps right away. Powerlessness and humility ā realizing what right actions I can take, in a prayerful way, to effect a change in current events. Humility is a big part in this. Thereās a lot of righteous virtue signaling and judgement in the social activism of my workplace. At the end of the day, it is about helping. Iām ever grateful for step work, as it keeps me focused on owning my part in things, and centered in the ceased-fighting way of life that keeps me strong, sober, and of service. Iām feeling really called to step away from TS, but I will talk it over with my sponsor.
Daily Inspiration
Look beyond a personās faults so that you can see the real person. Lord, may I learn to focus on the goodness that is in each person and love them because all are your children.
The moment of absolute certainty over decisions made never arrives, so make your decision and move on. Lord, grant me wisdom and confidence in making my choices and the ability to recognize when new decisions need to be made .
This identity as a pilgrim resonates with me. When Iām working the program well, I donāt require external conditions. Iām content to be a sojourner and do the work of the day, regardless. Itās a good attitude for me in these times, as I am called to take civic action, or inaction / economic boycott, while still maintaining emotional sobriety and the physical / mental well-being enough to serve another day effectively. I have a lot of companions on the march as well, a great diversity, and we share gratitude for our experiences.
Daily Inspiration
Take today and make it beautiful. Lord, my life is no accident and neither is how I live it. Help me to fill it with smiles.
We can be serious about our work without being serious about ourselves. Lord, help me to enjoy the person that I am .
