Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

March 19~Melody Beattie

Safety

One of the long-term effects of living in a dysfunctional family—as children or adults—is that we don’t feel safe.

Much of what we call codependency happens because we don’t feel safe in relationships. This can cause us to control, obsess, or focus on the other person, while neglecting ourselves or shutting down our feelings.

We can learn to make ourselves feel safe and comfortable, as part of a nurturing, loving attitude toward ourselves.

Often, we get a feeling of safety and comfort when we attend Twelve Step meetings or support groups. Being with a friend or doing something nice for ourselves helps us feel protected and loved. Sometimes, reaching out to another person helps us feel safe. Prayer and meditation help us affirm that our Higher Power cares for us.

We are safe now. We can relax. Perhaps others haven’t been there for us in a consistent, trustworthy way, but we are learning to be there for ourselves.

Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and comfortable.

[MandiH]

March 20~Daily Reflections
LOVE AND TOLERANCE

Love and tolerance of others is our code.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving may not be obvious to me at first sight, but my studies tell me that every great spiritual teacher has insisted strongly upon it.

I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other persons’ sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or a desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 20~Melody Beattie

Releasing

Let fears slip away.

Release any negative, limiting, or self-defeating beliefs buried in your subconscious too. These beliefs may be about life, love, or yourself. Beliefs create reality.

Let go. From as deep within as your fears, resentments, and negative beliefs are stored, let them all go. Let the belief or feeling surface. Accept it; surrender to it. Feel the discomfort or unrest. Then let it go. Let new beliefs replace the old. Let peace and joy and love replace fear.

Give yourself and your body permission to let go of fears, resentments, and negative beliefs. Release that which is no longer useful. Trust that you are being healed and prepared for receiving what is good.

Today, God, help me become willing to let go of old beliefs and feelings that may be hurting me. Gently take them from me and replace them with new beliefs and feelings. I do deserve the best life and love have to offer. Help me believe that.

[Tragicfarinelli]

Love this. Let’s do the stuff we don’t want to do, embrace discomfort and growth. They say healthy plants wouldn’t grow as hardy without some level of wind and movement and slight discomfort. I think people are the same!

[MandiH]

Yes!! I loved the mention too today of releasing from our bodies too because these things really do get stored there too. This one was very good, and timely.

[MandiH]

March 21~Daily Reflections

MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING

Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused. I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: “For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.” (p. 127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears.

Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I’ve found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have “owned” it. My life’s purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 21~Melody Beattie

Considering Commitment

Pay attention to your commitments.

While many of us fear committing, it’s good to weigh the cost of any commitment we are considering. We need to feel consistently positive that it’s an appropriate commitment for us.

Many of us have a history of jumping—leaping headfirst—into commitments without weighing the cost and the possible consequences of that particular commitment. When we get in, we find that we do not really want to commit, and feel trapped.

Some of us may become afraid of losing out on a particular opportunity if we don’t commit. It is true that we will lose out on certain opportunities if we are unwilling to commit. We still need to weigh the commitment. We still need to become clear about whether that commitment seems right for us. If it isn’t, we need to be direct and honest with others and ourselves.

Be patient. Do some soul searching. Wait for a clear answer. We need to make our commitments not in urgency or panic but in quiet confidence that what we are committing to is right for us.

If something within says no, find the courage to trust that voice.

This is not our last chance. It is not the only opportunity we’ll ever have. Don’t panic. We don’t have to commit to what isn’t right for us, even if we try to tell ourselves it should be right for us and we should commit.

Often, we can trust our intuitive sense more than we can trust our intellect about commitments.

In the excitement of making a commitment and beginning, we may overlook the realities of the middle. That is what we need to consider.

We don’t have to commit out of urgency, impulsivity, or fear. We are entitled to ask, Will this be good for me? We are entitled to ask if this commitment feels right.

Today, God, guide me in making my commitments. Help me say yes to what is in my highest good, and no to what isn’t. I will give serious consideration before I commit myself to any activity or person. I will take the time to consider if the commitment is really what I want.

[MandiH]

Man these two hit my heart again today. Fears pop up in the strangest places sometimes. And that fear can make me commit to things that maybe don’t serve my highest and greatest good in the way they are presented so I accept less than ideal foundations for my emotional sobriety.

I discussed this with my sponsor last night and today I’m taking different actions. I must. My spiritual wellbeing depends on it. And so does my emotional wellbeing, which I continue to see in layers, is truly worth having as it keeps me connected, sober and healthy. It matters. I used to think it didn’t. While I’ve released much of that, I can see where it’s currently keeping me in a cycle that it’s time to break in an important area so I can build my life on a more solid foundation.

This work isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it and so are we!

[MandiH]

March 22~Daily Reflections

NO MORE STRUGGLE. . .

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my Higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptance—or change—is required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 22~Melodie Beattie

Letting Go of Being a Victim

It’s okay to have a good day. Really.

It’s okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track.

Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.

We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.

We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.

We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.

We all have bad days—days when things are not going the way we’d like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization.

It’s okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we’ll have more to enjoy.

God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them.

[MandiH]

March 23~Daily Reflections

. . . AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS

We have seen the truth again and again: “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.”. . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33

These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I’ve turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am “cured.” I like to think that, if sobriety is God’s gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 22~Melody Beattie

Flack from Setting Boundaries

We need to know how far we’ll go, and how far we’ll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.

— BEYOND CODEPENDENCY

When we own our power to take care of ourselves—set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern—we may get flack from some people. That’s okay. We don’t have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don’t have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don’t have to expect them not to react either.

People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.

If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they’ll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That’s normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack.

If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That’s okay. That’s flack too.

We don’t have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we’ve decided we want and need to change. We don’t have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn’t deserve it. It will die down.

Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.

[MandiH]

March 24~Daily Reflections

ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE

Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn’t made in God’s image to be an automaton.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55

Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A.A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it.

Today—and every day—with a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God’s will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God’s expression.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 24~Melody Beattie

Appreciating Ourselves

We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier.

— CODEPENDENT NO MORE

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves.

We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly—feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not.

We have a right to be here.

We have a right to be ourselves.

We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are.

We are good enough, and deserving.

Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us.

It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good.

We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.

That, my friend, is a wonderful gift.

God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.

[MandiH]

March 25~Daily Reflections

A FULL AND THANKFUL HEART

I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve others—in our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have “a full and thankful heart.”

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 25~Melody Beattie

Letting Go of Worry

What if we knew for certain that everything we’re worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we’d be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that’s happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they’re intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don’t have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn’t have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?

We’d be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don’t have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing to worry, and it is not necessary.

[MandiH]

March 26~Daily Reflections

THE TEACHING IS NEVER OVER

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you—until then.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, “Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I’m on my own. It will never be this new again.” Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and that—with God’s blessing—the teaching is never over, I’m never on my own, and every day is brand new.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

March 26~Melody Beattie

Gifts, Not Burdens

Children are gifts, if we accept them.

— KATHLEEN TURNER CRILLY

Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents.

Sadly many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them and to the Universe. Maybe our parents were in pain themselves; maybe our parents were looking to us to be their caretakers; maybe we came at a difficult time in their lives; maybe they had their own issues and simply were not able to enjoy, accept, and appreciate us for the gifts we are.

Many of us have a deep, sometimes subconscious, belief that we were, and are, a burden to the world and the people around us. This belief can block our ability to enjoy life and our relationships with others. This belief can even impair our relationship with a Higher Power: we may feel we are a burden to God.

If we have that belief, it is time to let it go.

We are not a burden. We never were. If we received that message from our parents, it is time to recognize that issue as theirs to resolve.

We have a right to treat ourselves as a gift—to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe.

We are here, and we have a right to be here.

Today, I will treat myself, and any children I have, as though we are a gift. I will let go of any beliefs I have about being a burden—to my Higher Power, my friends, my family, and myself.

[MandiH]

Today’s bonus I’m being guided to share is from my own daily guided writing post that I do each day:

Every day I write, and by doing this I’m able to obtain guidance, wisdom, and clarity that often blows my mind.

I heard a message that went perfectly with my writing last night. If you aren’t really sure what to do, doing nothing is sometimes a better option.

This can give us a chance to pause. Obtain clarity. Think about our actions before we take them to not make a situation worse. It gives us time to talk to a trusted mentor. To ask for guidance. Not immediately reacting can be the difference between doing something we will really regret that we can’t take back or doing something that can help us grow. This doesn’t mean we will never need to take action, because we likely will. But sometimes that time isn’t quite yet. Divine timing is always best.

Choosing to do nothing is sometimes really doing something! This was a good message that I thought we all could use today.

Have a great day my loves, and know that it’s ok to take any time or space you may need.

#daily #message #reflection #wisdom guidance #practicethepause #wait #noaction #clarity #healthy #decisions #divinetiming calm #energy #approach #takethespaceyouneed #soulhealingvibes444

[MandiH]

March 27~Daily Reflections

A.A.’s FREEDOMS

We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow. . . .
THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 303

I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.’s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recapture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.