Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

[MandiH]

October 30~Each Day a New Beginning

Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way. --Florence Scovel Shinn

Should we make this move? Should we change jobs? Should we talk to others about our feelings? We are
seldom short on prayers when we’re filled with fear and indecision. We are, however, short on answers.
Our worries block them out.

No prayer ever goes unanswered. Of this we can be certain. On the other hand, the answer may not be
what we’d hoped for. In fact, we may not recognize it as the answer because we are expecting something
quite different. It takes willingness on our part to be free of our preconceptions–free to accept whatever
answers are offered.

Our answers come unexpectedly, a chance meeting on the street, a passage in a book or newspaper, a
nagging feeling within. God speaks to each of us throughout the day. Our prayers are answered, our
problems find solutions, and our worries are eased, if we but attune ourselves to the messages. They are
all around.

I will be attentive to all the signs from God today. Whatever answer I seek is finding its way to me.

[MandiH]

October 31~Daily Reflections

AVOIDING CONTROVERSY

All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 176

As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another’s medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.'s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

October 31~Language Of Letting Go

All Our Needs

And my God shall supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory. . . .

— PHIL. 4:19

This verse has helped me many times. It has helped me when I have wondered where my next friend, bit of wisdom, insight, or meal was coming from.

Everything I need today shall be supplied to me.

People, jobs, what we have at our immediate disposal, are not our source.

We have tapped into a Greater Source, a source of infinite and immediate supply: God and His Universe.

Our task is to allow ourselves to come into harmony with our Source. Our task is to believe in, and look to, our true Source. Our task is to release fear, negative thinking, limitations, and short-supply thinking.

Everything we need shall be provided to us. Let it become a natural response to all situations, and all situations of need.

Reject fear. Reject short-supply and limited thinking notions. Be open to abundance.

Cherish need because it is part of our relationship to God and His Universe. God has planned to meet our every need, has created the need within us, so God can supply.

No need is too small or too great. If we care and value our need, God will too.

Our part is taking responsibility for owning the need. Our part is giving the need to the Universe. Our part is letting go, in faith. Our part is giving God permission to meet our needs by believing we deserve to have our needs—and wants—met.

Our part is healthy giving, not out of caretaking, guilt, obligation, and codependency, but out of a healthy relationship with ourselves, God, and all of God’s creations.

Our part is simply to be who we are, and love being that.

Today, I will practice the belief that all my needs today shall be met. I will step into harmony with God and His Universe, knowing that I count.

[MandiH]

Octover 31~Each Day A New Beginning

Each Day a New Beginning

It’s a simple formula; do your best and somebody might like it. --Dorothy Baker

We’re never guaranteed success by others’ standards. However, if we do our best according to the standards we think God has in mind, we’ll be successful. And from God we’ll always receive
unconditional love and acceptance.

In the past many of us were haunted by fears that our best wasn’t good enough. And not infrequently
those fears hindered our performance, thus validating our fears. We can slip back into those immobilizing fears if we don’t attend, with vigilance, to the program and its suggestions.

Our higher power will help us do whatever task lies before us. And no task will be ours except those for
which we’ve been readied. Our job is simply to go forth, taking God as our partner, and set about
completing the task. We will not falter if we remember where our strength rests, where the guidance lies.

Self-esteem is one of the byproducts of a job done with God’s help. An additional byproduct is that we
learn more quickly to rely on God’s direction and strength the next time, thus reducing the time we give to fear.

I can be successful today, in every endeavor, if I let God manage my moves.

[MandiH]

November 1~Daily Reflections

I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego.

Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 1~Language Of Letting Go

Transformation Through Grief

We’re striving for acceptance in recovery—acceptance of ourselves, our past, other people, and our present circumstances. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom—the freedom to take care of ourselves.

Acceptance is not a one-step process. Before we achieve acceptance, we go toward it in stages of denial, anger, negotiating, and sadness. We call these stages the grief process. Grief can be frustrating. It can be confusing. We may vacillate between sadness and denial. Our behaviors may vacillate. Others may not understand us. We may neither understand ourselves nor our own behavior while we’re grieving our losses. Then one day, things become clear. The fog lifts, and we see that we have been struggling to face and accept a particular reality.

Don’t worry. If we are taking steps to take care of ourselves, we will move through this process at exactly the right pace. Be understanding with yourself and others for the very human way we go through transition.

Today, I will accept the way I go through change. I will accept the grief process, and its stages, as the way people accept loss and change.

[MandiH]

November 1~Walk In Dry Places

Do we have the free will?

The question of a human being’s free will has been argued for centuries by learned individuals. We can
answer it for ourselves as a result of our experience in AA.

Our freedom was lost while we were in the grip of alcohol. Once free of drink, we still realized that many things in life are controlled by other people and things, such as political and economic forces.

If our employer closes the business, for example, we may have to choose less satisfactory employment. If
a person threatens physical violence, we may have to go along with his or her wishes against our will.

In all circumstances, our free will lies in the way we choose to think about what’s happening. We always
have the choice of turning to our Higher Power in thought, rather than reacting with fear and resentment.

This is the only free will we can possibly have in the world, but it may be all we really need.

If a difficult situation or problem arises, I’ll remember that no human power could have relieved my
alcoholism.

This will remind me that the true source of power is always at hand.

[MandiH]

November 2~Daily Reflections

KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT

The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, . . .
THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240

A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater potential for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learning—and practicing—the principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 2~Language of Letting Go

The Grief Process

To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps “a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief.”

How do we grieve?

Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, by surrendering to the pain.

The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That’s how we grieve; that’s how we accept; that’s how we forgive; that’s how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.

Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back-and-forth movement—until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.

When we talk about “unfinished business” from our past, we are usually referring to losses about which we have not completed grieving. We’re talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process. Usually for adult children and codependents, the place where we become stuck is denial. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.

We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help ourselves and others by understanding and becoming familiar with this process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.

Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with myself and others while we go through this very human process of healing.

[MandiH]

November 3~Daily Reflections

FOCUSING AND LISTENING

There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I’ll have enough humility to pray and meditate—because I’ll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three—self-examination, meditation and prayer—form a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 3~Language Of Letting Go

Denial

Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can also emerge during denial.

Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We’re not really aware we’re doing it until we’re done doing it. Forcing ourselves—or anyone else—to face the truth usually doesn’t help. We won’t face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won’t let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.

Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.

Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.

The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.

God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.

[MandiH]

November 3~Each Day a New Beginning

It is the calm after the storm. I feel a rainbow where there once were clouds, and while my Spirit dances
in gratitude, my mind speculates on the next disaster. Duality. --Mary Casey

Our growth is contingent on our ability to flow with the dualities, the contradictions inherent in one’s lifetime, not only to flow with them but to capitalize on them.

We are not offered a painless existence, but we are offered opportunities for gathering perspective from
the painful moments. And our perspectives are cushioned by the principles of the program.

The rough edges of life, the storms that whip our very being, are gifts in disguise. We see life anew, when the storm has subsided.

We can enjoy the calm, if that surrounds us today. We deserve the resting periods. They give us a chance to contemplate and make fully our own that which the recent storm brought so forcefully to our attention.

We are powerless over the storm’s onslaught. But we can gain from it and be assured that the storm gives
all the meaning there is in the calm.

I will be glad today for the clouds or the rainbows. Both are meant for my good. And without both,
neither has meaning

[MandiH]

November 4~Daily Reflections

A DAILY DISCIPLINE

. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

The last three Steps of the program invoke God’s loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn’t please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings—without the thought of a drink.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 4~Language Of Letting Go

Anger

Feeling angry—and, sometimes, the act of blaming—is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change—of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.

As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame ourselves, our Higher Power, or others. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: “If only he would have done that. . . . If I wouldn’t have done that. . . . Why didn’t God do it differently? . . .” We know that blame doesn’t help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.

It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.

Trust ourselves and the grief process. We won’t stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.

God, help me learn to accept my own and others’ anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.

[MandiH]

November 4~Each Day a New Beginning

Beginnings are apt to be shadowy. --Rachel Carson

When we embark on a new career, open an unfamiliar door, begin a loving relationship, we can seldom see nor can we even anticipate where the experience may take us.

At best we can see only what this day brings.

We can trust with certainty that we will be safely led through the “shadows.”

To make gains in this life we must venture forth to new places, contact new people, chance new
experiences.

Even though we may be fearful of the new, we must go forward.

It’s comforting to remember that we never take any step alone.

It is our destiny to experience many new beginnings.

And a dimension of the growth process is to develop trust that each of these experiences will in time comfort us and offer us the knowledge our inner self awaits.

Without the new beginnings we are unable to fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.

No new beginning is more than we can handle.

Every new beginning is needed by our developing selves, and we are ready for whatever comes.

I will look to my new beginnings gladly. They are special to the growth I am now ready for.

[MandiH]

November 4~Today’s Gift

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. --Sigmund Freud

The truth is our friend. It is a rough and humble kind of friend–but a friend nonetheless.

Each of us will need to learn to spend time with this friend because it is one that is not easy to escape. It is always turning up when we least expect it.

The truth about ourselves is hard to avoid. It seems to knock at our door until we let it in.

Perhaps we have played the game of hide and seek sometime in our lives. Sometimes we tell little lies
about ourselves to impress others, or we act in ways that, deep down, we know are not really the way we
want to be. We can never be comfortable this way.

We know what it is like to hide and try to keep from
being found. The truth about us is an expert player. It seeks us out until we put our arms around it and
welcome it.

Is there something I am hiding from today?

[MandiH]

November 5~Daily Reflections

“THE QUALITY OF FAITH”

This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said, “Grant me my wishes” instead of “Thy will be done.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32

God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 5~Language Of Letting Go

Let’s Make a Deal

The relationship just wasn’t working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn’t see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.

—ANONYMOUS

One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In bargaining, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn’t.

We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.

Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we’ve achieved acceptance.

“If I try to be a better person, then this won’t happen. . . . If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won’t have to face this loss, this change.”

There are stories from members of Al-Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic’s drinking: “If I keep the house cleaner, he won’t drink. . . . If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won’t drink. . . . If I buy my son a new car, he’ll stop using drugs.”

Adult children have bargained with their losses too: “Maybe if I’m the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be.” We do big, small, and in-between things, sometimes crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.

There is no substitute for accepting reality. That’s our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are—part of the grief process—helps our lives become manageable.

Today, I will give myself and others the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable but I will give myself permission to be human.

[MandiH]

November 6~Daily Reflections

GOING WITH THE FLOW

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, “I arise, O God, to do Thy will.” This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn’t change God’s attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware.

One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

[MandiH]

November 6~Language Of Letting Go

Enjoying Life

Do something fun today.

If you’re relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying about the work that is undone.

If you’re with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love you. Let yourself feel close.

Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.

If you’re doing something fun, let yourself enjoy it.

What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive pleasure available? Indulge.

Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better; then it’s about making ourselves feel good.

Enjoy your day.

Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good.