My sponsor and I had a very similar discussion last night.
We discussed the path of addiction and suffering. She reminded me when looking at other people’s lives, not to compare. We often find ourselves in places we would never think we would go in our disease and that her “I was never that bad” is actually just a “yet”. If she went back out, she said she could easily find herself there. And it’s the same for me. I did things without my own permission when I was active in my addiction.
So, I need to remember that when I think ill of someone who is hurting and in their active addiction. I need to have more love and tolerance. Sometimes it’s far easier than others. I see myself in many others who are suffering.
I really struggled with this for a person who was very dangerous, harmful, rage filled and all around completely unsafe. I learned yesterday that they passed away from an overdose recently, and it felt wrong that I not only didn’t feel bad, I actually felt safer knowing those I loved are now out of harms way with him.
I told my sponsor that I thought this was an opportunity for me to see things from a different perspective and do more inner work, because my soul knew that my initial thought wasn’t the best perspective. And after our conversation, I prayed for him. I don’t know what his soul’s journey was or why that path was chosen. But I do know that we are all connected and in the end, I want what’s best for us all. Holding on to the resentments I’ve held against him keeps me sick and sends him more bad energy-he had enough of that coming at him. So, I got to practice a new level of love and tolerance last night. I got to release more. See more inside of me. Change my perspective. And I got to pray for and send love to someone I never thought I would be able to do that for. Progress, not perfection. But man am I ever grateful for this program for continuing to give me an avenue to keep changing me as life presents me with new opportunities to do so.
Fear . . . of economic insecurity will leave us.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
Having fear reduced or eliminated and having economic circumstances improve, are two different things. When I was new in A.A., I had those two ideas confused. I thought fear would leave me only when I started making money. However, another line from the Big Book jumped off the page one day when I was chewing on my financial difficulties: “For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.” (p. 127). I suddenly understood that this promise was a guarantee. I saw that it put priorities in the correct order, that spiritual progress would diminish that terrible fear of being destitute, just as it diminished many other fears.
Today I try to use the talents God gave me to benefit others. I’ve found that is what others valued all along. I try to remember that I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I never have “owned” it. My life’s purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess.
This reminds me of something that Dave Ramsey says-God owns the money-I am just managing it.
I used to think being rich was a great goal in life. Now I know that my spiritual conditon is actually what matters most. I have found I do need to keep balance in both. The more I follow the spiritual nudges I’m given, the more money is able to flow to me as I help others. Is money my ultimate goal? Absolutely not. I donate a ton of time still to help others, it’s taken 7 yesrs to begin making money with my passion project. I am honestly just blessed to keep discovering the gifts god gives me to be able to help others in the most beautiful of ways. It fills my heart and my soul. I get to LIVE today and that is far more valuable than money ever could be.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
When A.A. found me, I thought I was in for a struggle, and that A.A. might provide the strength I needed to beat alcohol. Victorious in that fight, who knows what other battles I could win. I would need to be strong, though. All my previous experience with life proved that. Today I do not have to struggle or exert my will. If I take those Twelve Steps and let my Higher Power do the real work, my alcohol problem disappears all by itself. My living problems also cease to be struggles. I just have to ask whether acceptance—or change—is required. It is not my will, but His, that needs doing.
We have seen the truth again and again: “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.”. . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33
These words are underlined in my book. They are true for men and women alcoholics. On many occasions I’ve turned to this page and reflected on this passage. I need never fool myself by recalling my sometimes differing drinking patterns, or by believing I am “cured.” I like to think that, if sobriety is God’s gift to me, then my sober life is my gift to God. I hope God is as happy with His gift as I am with mine.
This passage is underlined in my book too. My sponsor says once you’ve been a pickle, you can’t go back to being a cucumber. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I can NEVER drink and be safe. To drink is to die. It may sound extreme, but it truly isn’t. I’ve now seen it happen time and time again now where after some time sober, people go back out. Not only do they quickly end up worse than before, sooooo many of them die very quickly. My cousin died yesterday who had been sober 5 years and used once-that was all it took to kill her. Unfortunately, her case is not unique-I’ve seen it happen over and over again. So I choose to stay and will work my program again today so I can continue to live.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mandi.
My husband’s best friend died from alcoholism a few days ago. As much as we tried to show him a better life, he never found recovery. This disease gets a grip and never let’s go.
Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn’t made in God’s image to be an automaton.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 55
Before I joined A.A., I often did not think, and reacted to people and situations. When not reacting I acted in a mechanical fashion. After joining A.A., I started seeking daily guidance from a Power greater than myself, and learning to listen for that guidance. Then I began to make decisions and act on them, rather than react to them. The results have been constructive; I no longer allow others to make decisions for me and then criticize me for it.
Today—and every day—with a heart full of gratitude, and a desire for God’s will to be done through me, my life is worth sharing, especially with my fellow alcoholics! Above all, if I do not make a religion out of anything, even A.A., then I can be an open channel for God’s expression.
Yes yes yes! I just reacted, and it was subconsciously. I had no idea what made me tick or why I did what I did until I did the step work. Now I get to practice the pause, pray and proceed. Because I consciously do things differently, my life looks entirely different today. And for this, I’m grateful.
I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37
I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve others—in our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have “a full and thankful heart.”
This morning I was reading a book for work and the opening line was, “Handle the challenge of change well, and you can prosper greatly. Handle it poorly, and you put yourself and others at risk.”
Immediately I thought of my sobriety.
I put down the drink and I changed some things in my life, but I didn’t change ME. And by doing so, I put myself and others around me at risk. I was a dry drunk. I was sober, but I was still miserable. And I was still hurting myself and others by continuing my subconscious behaviors and actions. And what was worse, is I was doing it sober and without a drop to drink.
I needed to be willing to REALLY change. And I wasn’t for a few years, until I finally realized I was the only common demoninator. I was the problem. And how I was living life was clearly not working in the best possible way.
For me, surrendering to this program was where I finally handled the challenge of change well. And I began to prosper. Inside of me changed, so the outside of me also reflected that change. Everyone I come into contact with, I have a vastly different experience now and for that I am grateful. And I am grateful for others in this program with me that have shown me and entirely new way to live better for myself and everyone around me. I’m blessed and I’m full of gratitude this morning.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you—until then.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164
These words put a lump in my throat each time I read them. In the beginning it was because I felt, “Oh no! The teaching is over. Now I’m on my own. It will never be this new again.” Today I feel deep affection for our A.A. pioneers when I read this passage, realizing that it sums up all of what I believe in, and strive for, and that—with God’s blessing—the teaching is never over, I’m never on my own, and every day is brand new.
I love this passage. It’s a simple, yet powerful reminder of what I must continue to do. The work continues, and those that pioneered this program are absolutely present in spirit. The road to a Happy Destiny is possible for me because of them, so they all live on on within those of us that follow after their footsteps. I’m forever grateful for this, and I feel like there are no where near enough words in my heart to describe how thankful I truly am for this gift. It’s changed everything for me.
We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love can grow. . . .
THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 303
I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.’s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recapture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety.
Freedom is what made this program work for me. My sponsor told me I am free to make my own decisions. She can give me suggestions, but at the end of the day I’m a grown woman and I’ll do what I want. She’s not here to micomanage or try to control me, she’s here if I choose to do the work within AA.
Same with my HP. I was free to choose my HP. And I’m free to keep doing so, so it continues to evolve.
I didn’t have anything forced on me. I could keep an open mind this way. And as I’ve taken the suggestions given to me, I not only have began to clear out the clutter and change my entire life, I have also found freedom in many ways. Freedom from my past. Freedom from my alcoholism. Freedom from my old way of life. Freedom from the things that weighed me down. Freedom from my secrets. Freedom from my own selfishness. Etc.
The promises are true. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret our past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
I had none of these things before working this program. It works if I choose to work it and I am beyond grateful I have the freedom to do so today.
Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 563
Prior to A.A., I often felt that I didn’t “fit in” with the people around me. Usually “they” had more/ less money than I did, and my points of view didn’t jibe with “theirs.” The amount of prejudice I had experienced in society only proved to me just how phony some self-righteous people were. After joining A.A., I found the way of life I had been searching for. In A.A. no member is better than any other member; we’re just alcoholics trying to recover from alcoholism.
There is such a diverse group of people in AA-yet we all have one thing in common. We are trying to live a better life. This unites us. When I enter into a group of people within this recovery community, I feel at home with them. The program has allowed a safe space for those of us who would not normally mix. Harmony lives amongst us, and we all in it together. That is a beautiful thing.
They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group’s chores.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 134
In Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis describes an encounter between his principal character and an old man busily at work planting a tree. “What is it you are doing?” Zorba asks. The old man replies: “You can see very well what I’m doing, my son, I’m planting a tree.” “But why plant a tree,” Zorba asks, “if you won’t be able to see it bear fruit?” And the old man answers: “I, my son, live as though I were never going to die.” The response brings a faint smile to Zorba’s lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: “How strange—I live as though I were going to die tomorrow!”
As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest.
“. . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best.”
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 101
I think these words apply to every area of A.A.’s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service! I want them etched in my mind and life as I “trudge the Road of Happy Destiny” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 164). These words, often spoken by cofounder Bill W., were appropriately said to him as the result of the group’s conscience. It brought home to Bill W. the essence of our Second Tradition: “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”
Just as Bill W. was originally urged to remember, I think that in our group discussions we should never settle for the “good,” but always strive to attain the “best.” These common strivings are yet another example of a loving God, as we understand Him, expressing Himself through the group conscience. Experiences such as these help me to stay on the proper path of recovery. I learn to combine initiative with humility, responsibility with thankfulness, and thus relish the joys of living my twenty-four hour program.
