“The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are.”
— Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 36
Am I open today to the paradox that true freedom comes through spiritual surrender? What would it look like to lean into that trust, just for today?
I used to actually think that relying on a HP was weak. Now I know that relying on my own self-will actually is. Inviting my HP into my life has been where powerful things happen! I had to get out of my own way and ditch the limiting beliefs that had me convinced my way was the best way…no my way had me black out drunk on a daily basis and was leading me toward death. When I first prayed to whoever was out there listening and admitted I didn’t know best and I needed help, I was brought to AA literally the next morning. And my life has never been the same since, thank God lol.
Today I began my day asking my HP to lead me. To help me heal so I can do what is asked of me and help others in the best way possible. I know where my way gets me and I’m grateful for instead having this wonderful spiritual presence in my life today.
How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 37
If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary.
“We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 75
Am I walking in step with something greater than myself today—or trying to go it alone? What helps me stay connected and spiritually grounded?
Some days I feel super connected, other days it feels more quiet. But in all days I invite my HP in to my life and I know that behind the scenes even on the quiet days, the divine is working on my behalf. Beginning my day connecting with my HP and my program of recovery helps me stay connected and grounded. So does prayer, meditation, literally walking outside barefoot and sitting in nature, even consciously breathing can help! I’ve had a lot of medical stuff going on lately and a lot of unknowns are within that-but even with that, I truly do have faith there’s a higher purpose to all of it. So even amongst the struggles, I have faith and know my HP is with me. That is a gift I am grateful for today.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62
My selfishness was the driving force behind my drinking. I drank to celebrate success and I drank to drown my sorrows. Humility is the answer. I learn to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. My sponsor tells me that service keeps me sober. Today I ask myself: Have I sought knowledge of God’s will for me? Have I done service for my A.A. group?
“The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 145
Which of these emotions might be showing up for me today? Am I willing to acknowledge it, pray on it, and take the next right action?
I love this quote! It’s not the bottle on this list, it’s all the things that lead me to a drink. I hear a recurring pattern in those who relapse-it always began before they took that drink and usually had one or all of these things in play. Our greatest enemies are the things that keep us sick in mind & spirit. Then the body follows if we take that drink. I am grateful for this reminder today so I can watch for those things and use my tools given to me through this program to work on them instead of ignoring them so I can continue to move further away from a drink today.
We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living” that really works.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28
I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a “design for living” that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this “design for living” that “really works”? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me unconditionally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship.
“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83 (The Promises)
Where in my life today am I beginning to feel that “new freedom”? What does happiness look like for me in sobriety right now?
Recovery brings a whole new way of life. Which includes new freedoms and happiness. The promises really do come true. Sobriety alone didn’t do that for me, but working a program of recovery did. My way of life that I knew was the problem. I needed a new design for living, and 2 years into my sobriety I found & surrendered to that. I’m happier and more free than I’ve ever been, and the longer I do the work, it just keeps getting better. I’m grateful for this and ultimately so is everyone else I encounter today.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren’t alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren’t bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there’s a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.
“We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67
When I feel attacked, do I remember that others may be struggling with their own sickness or pain? How can I respond with patience and understanding instead of anger today?
This is a good one for me this week. I’ve had some strange encounters the last 2 days with people from my past. Instead of being frustrated or treating them like the old me, instead I’ve been able to handle it with grace and be grateful that I don’t live that old life anymore. The sick friend prayer also often helps me not add to my amends list and keep my side of the street as clean as I can.
. . . and became willing to make amends to them all.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
One of the key words in the Eighth Step is the word all. I am not free to select a few names for the list and to disregard others. It is a list of all persons I have harmed. I can see immediately that this Step entails forgiveness because if I’m not willing to forgive someone, there is little chance I will place his name on the list. Before I placed the first name on my list, I said a little prayer: “I forgive anyone and everyone who has ever harmed me at any time and under any circumstances.”
It is well for me to contemplate a small, but very significant, two-letter word every time the Lord’s Prayer is said. The word is as. I ask, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In this case, as means, “in the same manner.” I am asking to be forgiven in the same manner that I forgive others. As I say this portion of the prayer, if I am harboring hatred or resentment, I am inviting more resentment, when I should be calling on the spirit of forgiveness.
“We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84
In what areas of my life today can I notice the “hot flames” — the dangers I’ve learned to avoid — and be grateful for the change in my instincts?
I’m grateful today that no matter what I have going on in life, the last thing I want is a drink. It will only make things worse. My instincts are on point now too because I’m not numbing everything out. I am not causing damage to myself or others because of this today and that’s a beautiful thing.
To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways,
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
As I continue to grow in sobriety, I become more aware of myself as a person of worth. In the process, I am better able to see others as persons, and with this comes the realization that these were people whom I had hurt in my drinking days. I didn’t just lie, I lied about Tom. I didn’t just cheat, I cheated Joe. What were seemingly impersonal acts, were really personal affronts, because it was people—people of worth—whom I had harmed. I need to do something about the people I have hurt so that I may enjoy a peaceful sobriety.
“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83
How can I use my past experiences today as tools to help myself and others, instead of sources of shame?
Today I am someone who is SO different than who I was. I don’t regret who I used to be as she helped me to become who I am today. I can look back at that girl and give her what she needed most, love. Not shame, not blame, not judgement. Just love. The more I can give myself the love I needed, the more I continue to change. I get to have a better impact on everyone I come into contact with now. Instead of being a hurt person who hurt others, my recovery has instead allowed me to share who I was and who I am now. Today I uplift others and show what’s possible by working this program and I’m extremely grateful for this as it’s allowed me to change from the inside and shine that out.
The moral inventory is a cool examination of the damages that occurred to us during life and a sincere effort to look at them in a true perspective. This has the effect of taking the ground glass out of us, the emotional substance that still cuts and inhibits.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 140
My Eighth Step list used to drag me into a whirlpool of resentment. After four years of sobriety, I was blocked by denial connected with an ongoing abusive relationship. The argument between fear and pride eased as the words of the Step moved from my head to my heart. For the first time in years I opened my box of paints and poured out an honest rage, an explosion of reds and blacks and yellows. As I looked at the drawing, tears of joy and relief flowed down my cheeks. In my disease, I had given up my art, a self-inflicted punishment far greater than any imposed from outside. In my recovery, I learned that the pain of my defects is the very substance God uses to cleanse my character and to set me free.
“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 68
If fear were removed from my path today, what action would I take without hesitation?
Fears are by far where I have to do the most work. I pray and I ask my hp to show me the way daily, but I find many fears arise to face and do the work on. I think I’ll always have fears, but the more I can do the work on them and move forward through them anyway, the more open I am to have a better life with thy will be done, not my own. It’s a challenge and it’s uncomfortable. I was shown a ton of fears this weekend. But, they are opportunities for growth and I’m grateful for them today.
First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn’t I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become willing to make amends. Only then could my journey of the spirit resume.
“Love and tolerance of others is our code.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84
Where can I show love and tolerance today, even in small ways?
In my own recovery, after time and working the steps, it’s really helped me to love others-flaws and all. I’ve stopped trying to control people to make them be who I want them to be and instead accept them for who they are. There are times that I need to believe who others show me they are and set boundaries, but I can do so with more love for both of us instead of hatred. And that is a seriously incredible thing! It’s not always perfect, but when I feel the ick I have tools and people I can go to that help me work through it The gifts this program can offer are endless and I’m grateful for this.
. . . and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77
As I faced the Eighth Step, everything that was required for successful completion of the previous seven Steps came together: courage, honesty, sincerity, willingness and thoroughness, I could not muster the strength required for this task at the beginning, which is why this Step reads "Became willing. . . . "
I needed to develop the courage to begin, the honesty to see where I was wrong, a sincere desire to set things right, thoroughness in making a list, and willingness to take the risks required for true humility. With the help of my Higher Power in developing these virtues, I completed this Step and continued to move forward in my quest for spiritual growth.
“We have entered the world of the Spirit.”
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84
What does living in “the world of the Spirit” look like for me today?
For me, this is about living in each moment. Beginning my day connecting with my HP, asking to be shown the best way today and how to help myself and anyone else my hp wants me to. Then I go about my day, do the next right thing in each moment and seeing what the day brings me. I pray. I meditate. I take action. I found my relationship with my HP though AA and it continues to change, but it’s very present in my life. Thy will be done, not mine. My own will led me to my darkest days. But even in the hard days now, I know my HP is with me and I have what it takes for all to be ok in the end. I’m never truly alone now and life is far better than it’s ever been. I’m still here on earth but I know spirit is with me too.
We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76
Making a list of people I had harmed was not a particularly difficult thing to do. They had showed up in my Fourth Step inventory: people towards whom I had resentments, real or imagined, and whom I had hurt by acts of retaliation. For my recovery to be thorough, I believed it was not important for those who had legitimately harmed me to make amends to me. What is important in my relationship with God is that I stand before Him, knowing I have done what I can to repair the damage I have done.
