I am struggling today with not being able to speak with my partner about parts of my addiction. To be honest their are things I haven’t been able to speak to my psychologist about, although I do intend to bring them in my next visit.
however my wife is the most important person in the world, and I have promised to be open with her … I just don’t see how I can speak about everything. Not speaking about it feels like lying and it is all I can think about.
A guilty conscience needs no accuser.
That’s a tough position to be in. I’m an advocate for honesty and transparency in any relationship.
I hope you can feel safe enough to speak with your therapist about this, and identify ways you can bring it up with her. This is an addiction like any else and should be treated with the same level of empathy and understanding.
Which also means you will want/need your wife’s support while you learn how to live soberly.
We’re here for you.
Rooting you on!
I ended up being up my feara to her without going into full details and it feels like a good middle ground. She is understanding that I am essentially catostrophising but I also said I will be speaking to my therapist about it.
thank you for responding. I’ll probably keep checking in here.
That’s great news!
Absolutely stay with us. We are stronger together.
How are you doing since u posted last?
Hmmm this is a tough position to be in. I have done some VERY questionable things in my past during active addiction. My husband knows most of it (the general idea of what has happened) but there are things that I havent mentioned (not bcuz Im trying to hide it, but bcuz that conversation has just never come up and i honestly dont know if it wpuld really be helpful in all honesty).
This may be a bit different, but with my mother for example, who experienced my wrath of addiction growing up and into adulthood, things have happened that I would never tell her. Mainly bcuz it would probably hurt her to hear what her daughter went thru. Maybe it could be similar for ur situation with ur spouse?? Would she hurt emotionally or mentally by what u want to tell her? If so, it may be best not to mention it. The last thing ud want to do is cause harm in recovery. The past is the past. If ur not currently doing it, is there a reason to mention it to her? It may cause more harm then good.
I learned a long time ago that certain people are best to hear certain aspects of our life. Professionals are usually best for this 
And as uv mentioned, uv planned on telling them ur past events at ur next session. Maybe wait until then to see if that helps. They may be able to also provide feedback on whether or not to tell ur spouse.
Idk… I know my past was pretty rough and I did alot of embarrassing, degrading, dangerous things. My husband knows the jyst of it, but not in full detail and I prefer it that way. But this is just my opinion and maybe things are different for u and her
Thanks for checking in on me. I ended up speaking to her generally about it, ultimately about what I am scared about, not hiding anything but also not having to dump it all on her. I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately, much of that involves me fixating on stupid things I’ve done and imagining ways it could ruin my life in the future. I speak with her about this, and even spoke with my parents about it for the first time.
I am doing a bit better than the other day, but I did have a set back and tried to delete an old porn swapping account, this is something we agreed I wouldn’t just do. My brain was able to rationalise it at the time, but ultimately it was just stupid to do.
Knowing that there are other people out there like myself who have huge regrets, but are trying everyday to be better helped change my mindset a little. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts
Sometimes I have to remind yourself it is okay not to always be thinking about my issues, the guilt and remorse is overwhelming but I am trying to do better. When I am trying to be better, you don’t have to always be dragging yourself down at the same time