I’m getting really fed up . I spent five weeks in rehab . Two weeks out . Really making an effort and staying sober. I feel great . Bit my husband is constantly picking fights with me . No matter what I do it’s wrong . It’s like even thought I’m staying sober he wants to constantly remind me of how bad I have been . Everything is a jibe at oh you did this and you did that . Like I have to know pay for everything . He’s a control freak but it’s like no matter what o do I’m being set up to fail.
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Maybe try a womans meeting they might help wish you well
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He won’t do may form of counceling because “he’s not the problem” I turned to drink after a hysterectomy and then someone accusing my husband of having an affair two weeks after the surgery I went through hell . It wasn’t true but as you can imagine it pushed me over the edge . Even before I drank heavily he was always Mr right . And had to have his way . In really feeling like giving up.
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I guess the question is, is this right for you? Have you thought about a trial seperation? This sounds like very unsupportive behavior, maybe even toxic.
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I just wanted to chime in and say I really like the post from @Fargesia_murielae…good stuff there.
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Ya Ive gotten messages all day about how terrible I’ve been . After he attacked me the other night whilst drinking because our food bill was incorrect. I’ve changed but he hasn’t clearly. He wants me sober but not strong !
I’d tell him to kiss my ass goodbye. He wants you sick. That’s what we are when we are drinking, or when we don’t change from who we are when we were drinking. It’s funny how we remember who we are when we aren’t sick anymore, how much more strength we have. A lot of people don’t like it.
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I can make daily, living amends for the hurt I caused when I was drinking. I can try to be a better person today - but I cannot change the past. I understand that it takes a while for those close to us to trust that the changes in us are real. I couldn’t blame anyone who didn’t believe I would stay sober. I had never give them even a flicker of evidence that such was a possibility.
Having said that, I know that surrounding myself with people who continue to belittle and criticize me isnt healthy. I beat myself up with a giant baseball bat, and I sure don’t need help with that. My two cents would be to say to him something along the lines of, “Obviously you are upset, and angry, and you seem to need something from me in order to be able to move on from here. I will do all I can do help with that - and I also need you to see the efforts I’m making and be supportive of the work I’m trying to do.”
I got a similar response about Al-Anon. It was made clear that the problem was mine. I had to realize that I can’t change that perspective, but I do have to do whatever it takes for ME to stay sober. Does any of that make sense?
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