Sad to realise, but it happened again. Damn alcohol, why do we have this disease? Such a great period of 4 month sober! And I did ruin it again, myself. How do I hate it, i don’t even want to feel it, but it happens. A hangover again, money debts again, oh dear lord please help me. The belief is the only thing that keeps me going right now.
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Sorry to hear of your struggles. I must give you some advice from someone almost 10 months sober. AA or any other recovery group is so beneficial. In person or online. There are so many resources (free) to offer help with staying sober. Changes must be made in your daily life to keep sobriety the most important event. Keep connected here every day or sometimes more. There is a check in topic, gratitude topic and some fun ones also that promote a healthy happy and sober journey.
Ok today is day 1. Let’s stay sober today! I am rooting for you to succeed.
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Thank you! It brought my tears out right now. We don’t have any AA here. I am fortunate enough to speak English, so I can use this app and forum. But no AA in my country. I will try again, I know a better life exists. I had a birthday and it broke me. I wish I would have learnt my previous lesson…
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Thank you very much! I really mean it!
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@AlexMit please be strong, forgive yourself and do it again. Ive tried many many times, and I will not give up on myself… I am 4 weeks sober today… feeling great most of the time, I know thats what I want, thats how I want to live my life… even if I fail again I will pick myself up and do it again xxx
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Thank you! I will try again of course. Living in this nightmare will be a bad decision, I will try.
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Can i ask were your country is . as stated there is AA meetings online , nothing changes unless we change wish you well
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I hope this won’t change anything, I am from Russia.
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No problem - here is a website for the AA groups in Russia:
There are meetings in person. I couldn’t find a link there for online meetings, but the translation I was reading was limited, so there may be some online meetings.
This website is focused on Russian-speaking people in Canada and the USA. They have online meetings in Russian.
Edit - forgot to add the link 
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I’m sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I can only share my own experience. 
I relapsed multiple times until finally I just couldn’t take it anymore.
What helped me is that I kind of realized I was choosing to play a victim in my life. As they say in AA “Poor me, pour me a drink”
I would relapse and immediately begin the cycle of tearing myself apart.
For me what worked was staying connected to like minded individuals, definitely recommend this forum. If you have the app Discord, there’s a server called Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous where they hold voice meetings and text meetings daily.
Another HUGE one is, staying grateful. Every morning I create a list in my head or write down what I’m grateful for. Some days it’s just that I woke up that morning. 
I now have two years, but each day I make sure to do the work because regardless of sobriety time, we only have this 24 hours. 
Praying for you friend!
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I am also in a country without AA and it is true that English opens up the opportunity for so many resources to help learning how to cope and deal with this disease.
I have found this online group very helpful and encouraging for me. I’ve also used some other online resources such as AA online. I would recommend looking into this or trying it out. Do you have good support where you are? Friends or family that are supportive of you? People you trust that you can be open with? I found the most freedome when I opened up my friends about my struggle and am fortunate to have many supportive friends.
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Most of my friends don’t really see a problem in alcohol. It os hard for them to understand me, though they think that “we can party when I will be cured”. So I have to stay out of a lot of things that friends do. I have one friend from another town and she is a professional psychologist. She helps me a lot, when she has some free time. Most of the time I am on my own. Church helps a lot too! This is how It is for me now.
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Oh yes I understand this cultural mindset. I live in Kyrgyzstan and the mindset on alcohol sounds similar but I am fortunate to have some good friends who are understanding and supportive. I never really had any drinking buddies…was more of the secretive loner type of drinker but I did stop hanging out with a handful of people for self protection. And have made some new friends since being sober. I hope you also can make or find some good sober or sober friendly friends as well. Even having a group like church how you mentioned is helpful. My church group here is also really supportive of me and give a lot of encouragement.
Glad to hear you do have a good and understanding friend! It’s so important. Online communities help but it is also really good to have something in person. I crave that real life support.
Anyways I’m glad you found this group and are reaching out!
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Of course that doesn’t change anything, everyone is very welcome here and we are happy to have you!
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