I have been on and off drinking this past month after a month off the booze. I would really like to meet a guy as im single and 30 yrs old. Is it a bad idea to date? Im back on day 1 and want to do 60 days this time break my record!
You should worry about yourself right now . You have a period of detoxing and discovering a new sober you still to do before dating. Dating in early recovery if we dont feel accepted by the other person can cause a easy relapse. I would wait until your more confident in yourself and recovery before dating. It can be frustrating but it takes time…
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Thanks for your help. It gets hard because i get lonely
Try building a sober support network rather than dating. They will be far more helpful in your recovery
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Oh it does … i got frustrated at 3-4mo in. i knew i wanted a relationship but mentally i wasnt there. just know it gets better even if you have any dought. I can promise you it will get better. the rule of thumb is to wait a year but some can progress quicker then others. At 6mo i feel confident enough to handle a relationship. Im still gonna tip toe though. You will know when the time comes…
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Thanks for the advice. Your right. I feel so much anxiety
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Thanks so much for this advice its really helped. I have some great friends so im lucky.
Im thinking of joining the gym to meet like minded people as I love my exercise
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I just went to dinner with a bunch of AAers after our meeting and had a blast. Ages varied from 23-42 but you wouldn’t have been able to tell. This is the kinda stuff that keeps me sober.
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I’ve got a first date tomorrow. Typically it’s been agreed to meet in a pub! Luckily I’ve said I’m driving so will only have a coke but I’m regretting the whole thing in all honesty. I can’t come out right away and say I’ve got alcohol issues I don’t think but I definitely don’t feel strong enough to say no just yet if booze is there in my face. Also I’m just going to lay this one out there, we’re all friends here… I’ve never slept with someone for the first time sober. So there’s that. I’ve already been having those conversations in my head “just have a couple and because the focus is on something else you’ll be fine” and “just have a couple it’s OK, make sure you don’t buy any more on the way home”
This is a bad idea I think.
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I’m in the same boat as you I think we need to conquer our addiction first many of my dates have failed due to my drinking
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Don’t drink. You’ll kick yourself if you do. Tell her you’re just getting healthy, thats what I say then no one argues with that. If i said I think I have a problem with alcohol mates would say I was being silly. No one argues with getting healthy. Can you change where you are going on the date?
The date tomorrow should be OK, I never drink and drive anymore so I’m OK with coke. It’s the second and third dates I’m more concerned about. Although with my track record I think I’m being a bit optimistic with a second date!
I’d cancel the date honestly. Or, if you’re feeling brave, tell her your situation and invite her to lunch instead. I’d be really REALLY impressed by a guy who was that upfront with me and stuck to what was right for him. Also is this a first date? Because you dont need to be worried about sleeping with her if so lol, take it a little slower. If you need alcohol to do it you probably arent ready anyway.
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I think I’ll definitely take your advice and a couple of others here and go with the “I’m trying to be healthy route” in the first instance. If things progressed I might consider coming clean. I always used alcohol as a social lubricant in these situations so it’s scary doing it as me and not my slightly drunk alter ego
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Haha oh god I’m definitely not that presumptuous to worry about sober sex on a first date, hence the driving and drinking coke. The second and third dates get a bit more tricky but I am considering doing tomorrow and then leaving it there for a while, thought I was ready but my past has got alcohol and these situations all over it. Small steps and all that so you’re right 
Ah @Mobius - that’s a tough situation. You’ll be a bit nervous, perhaps a little triggered by the pub, you are already anxious about it - how can you be sure you will only have a Coke in the moment? You’re doing great right now. I have no doubt that this date will think you are grand, but is the temptation for “just one pint” too much so early in recovery? Any way you could arrange to meet your date for a walk or ice cream instead?
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I’ve gone over the scenario a few times in my head. It’s got two possible outcomes. 1; go out tomorrow drink coke have a great time, second and third date say I don’t really drink and that I workout and I’m really health conscious, she’s cool with it, we move in together, have kids, buy a BMW and a dog… OK I’m getting carried away.
2; I have just one pint, the date goes fine. Second date I have a couple as I was OK last time, on the way home I buy a couple of bottles of beers. Third date we have a few more, I start on the gin and can’t stop, she sees the drunk me, I go into blackout mode, pee myself and she calls the cops.
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Hello.
I went on a date on a typical alcoholic pub. She didnt drink so I had to stay sober, it was something new and funny!
Me and her never drank togehter, loved it!
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I dont support many messages here. If you want true sobriety and want recovery to stick you have to be confident and love yourself. I dont sense any confidence in any of these post. The guilt,shame and rejection from another person we may like or love. Will hit the ego and if your still weak will cause a relapse of self pitty. It seems so many want to rush into a relationship. But like after that first drink. i cant control what you do. Goodluck!
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I’m so glad you said this. I just read the thread and have been cringing the entire time. @Mobius, even spelling out the second option you are basically surrendering to it. You are planning a relapse. We do this and never think we are.
@Lucy_N, your need to date is clearly taking precedence over your sobriety. Considering you have been on and off the wagon you should absolutely avoid anything that will effect your self esteem. That pretty much nixes anything that involves anyone who drinks this early on.
I’m not trying to be an asshole, but my interest is in seeing you guys, and anyone else, get and stay clean. This is life or death people, treat it that way.
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