So I’ve been sober for more then 2 years now and finally feel ready to start dating. Now the only places I really meet people are at AA meetings, AA events, or from people coming into my job. I go to a few different meeting locations that I enjoy but have one that I consider my home group. There’s a saying I’ve heard “don’t eat where you shit”. Is it safer to just not date anyone from my home group? I kind of feel like im over thinking dating in sobriety but I just don’t want to hurt my sobriety or possibly theirs. If you have any kind of experience or perspectives of dating in sobriety I’d greatly appreciate it.
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My 2 cents,
People walk into our lives for a reason, if you have chemistry with someone, why deny it? Because of what others have experienced, most if not all people I meet or know here are in recovery, I moved from my home on my sober journey starting over literally,
Friends of mine I was in treatment with met in treatment, and have been together since, stranger things have happened.
I think you have to look at it in a different perspective, obviously your not attending meetings, functions etc. looking for a mate. Your their for fellowship and theraputic means, but if something comes along? Why hide it?
I was at first not inti the idea of dating a sober girl, but as others put it, who would understand better?
YMMV
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If you click with someone, let the wave ride and go with the flow. Doesn’t matter if its in sobriety or not, thats where your mind set is at now I would do what feels good for you. That’s the law of attraction, you attract what you are working towards, and who knows maybe that will help, dating someone with the same mindset as yourself.
Irregardless, you can make the best choice for yourself and if you don’t like it then don’t do it, but if you like someone Id say go for it, you do you 
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I think the instinct not to go looking for dates in the rooms is respectful of people’s programs. We’re their for our recovery first, after all. And so are they.
Obviously actively pursuing those in early recovery is way, way out of bounds.
It’s a place we need to be okay being vulnerable, after all. Important not to take advantage of that with any members.
That said, if you and someone else with solid sobriety find something more over time, well… That’s between you, them, your HP, and maybe your sponsor. It’s not unheard of for people to meet and even marry out of the rooms when both have their heads screwed on straight. There’s a few like that in my HG.
As a rule I avoid romance in the rooms. But I did end up briefly seeing someone I met at a social with another group. And would be lying not to admit I wonder about the friendship evolving with someone else I’ve known a while.
Like anything else, honesty and respect go first.
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I’ve been living vicariously through a co-worker who has recently became single and one thing I’ve learned from her is the first one doesn’t always work out, nor the second or third (oh the gossip!),
When I was younger, I learned the hard way that you shouldn’t date someone you work with.
The point is, when dating, the relationships don’t always work out, some sooner than others and it can often times create tense, uncomfortable and even embarrassing situations after the dust has settled.
Could you handle meeting with your homegroup under those circumstances? Would you want to?
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I’ve dated coworkers,
It’s not a great choice, i think one only worked out after we split because we were friends prior, and it wasn’t super serious.
I think that is one aspect you have to look at,
When dating are you looking for not serious but companionship for nights out, or are you looking for someone your are going to share your life with? If it doesn’t work what happens? Do you isolate from that group or are you able to accept that it wasn’t gonna work and keep trucking on, it’s something both parties have to look at.
Like I always say I’m not a believer in cookie cutter, I believe in doing what feels right, and as someone else pointed out, the law of attraction,
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst
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I’d say go for it unless he’s 12 month to 18 months sober or it could affect his sobeiety, I hope u find happiness great job on 2 years you have been patient enough I’d say good luck
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I say go for it if you want to because you’re a grown arsed adult and AA is not the boss of you.
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Wooooo boy that is serious truth. My only relationship to end ugly was with someone I worked with. This is when I first started at my present employer, 8 years ago. I was in a call center, gossip spreads like wildfire in that environment.
Broke up for unrelated reasons but within a day or two I found out that through our entire relationship she had been telling people loads of negative things about me that had no basis in truth whatsoever. After we split she tried to derail my career and get our mutual work friends to turn on me. Didn’t work, because eventually everyone found out she was a compulsive liar.
Alls well that ends well, but I was freaking out at the time. I was up for my first promotion and she was trying to burn my shit down.
Never again
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When me and my live in split up in my therapists office, I lost my shit.
He said to me dude, she’s sick and toxic. Which made me lose my shit even more, I am a very protective person and hearing him call my now ex that was boiling my rage. Especially since I’m not one to quit during a rough patch, I’ll do everything in my power to make something work if I am that invested.
The next day, we went for a walk, and I told him that I don’t quit easy he said he knows, then told me he met his now wife In AA. That sometimes, you find the things you were looking for in the most unexpected places.
Law of attraction all you TS people tell me
There are two lovely folks in my old home group that met in AA and got married. They had their first baby around a year and a half ago and are doing really well in their sobriety. Both dated around the rooms quite a bit. They both had around 5 years I think when they started dating. They have a lovely relationship. I’m not in AA anymore, but keep in touch with a lot of people.
My sister met her first husband in AA and they were married 20 years before he had a terrible relapse that lasted a few years. However, they have 3 beautiful children. My sister is a big drinker, double standard biznatch lol.
I feel like it’s nice to have sobriety in common. I’ve seen a lot of AA couples in my day. I don’t see a problem with it when you’re stable and secure in your recovery:)
I remember what my sponsor said about dating people in AA. He said “the odds are good but the goods are odd” HAHAHAHAHAHA
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