So…I’m just wondering what you would do if you were new to a state, have some time, but don’t want to meet anyone at an anonymous meeting? I briefly tried a dating app, but 9.5/10 girls I saw had pictures of them with White Claw in hand! I live in the Pacific Northwest, where weed is legal…not really a problem or temptation for me, although I’d rather my potential girlfriend not be a burn out stoner. It’s also crazy here because no one gets in trouble for hard drugs like meth or fentanyl.
Any ideas?
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Generally speaking it’s a good idea to wait until you are sober for a year or so before dating (why yes, I did learn this the hard way), because people in early recovery really should be focusing on sobriety.
My current (and forever) partner is not sober. It is not challenging at all, nor is it triggering. We have a great relationship because of all the work we did on ourselves before we met. And we did meet on an app.
Having dated people in AA I can also verify that is hard as well.
My advice is work on yourself and the relationship will come.
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Welcome to the community! I’m glad that you asked a question that concerned you and have gotten already one good answer. There’s lots of help and support here at the site. Lots of people who have been through similar experiences, although not the same, again, welcome and congrats on your sobriety.
Yeah, I know. I was pretty sure I’d get a few “you have to wait a year” replies. So I’ve got that time, my last girlfriend of 3+ years overdosed on fentanyl and passed away while I was in prison, I stayed clean and sober everyday of that year sentence. I got out free and clear of the legal system for the first time in 10+ years. It’s been plenty of time, I promise. So…no more “wait a year” suggestions. I would appreciate a more authentic reply rather than a canned, AA brand response. 
Hey. Maybe you Can add something about you being sober in your profil ? It seems that you know what you want so be real and trust yourself. And maybe you Can find groups/clubs related to hobbies or what you like to meet people.
Your profile says you’ve been clean since October but I digress.
If you’re intent on dating it might be helpful to ask yourself a few questions:
What am I (you) able to add to someone’s life? If you’re ready for a relationship you should not be focused on what it can add to your life but rather how you can bring value to someone else.
Why do I want to be in a relationship? If you’re trying to avoid loneliness or because you need something then it’s probably not time. Addicts and alcoholics are codependent and selfish so be honest with yourself in what you want.
Am I equipped to be rejected, have my heart broken, experience loss? Relapses happen when people in recovery are unable to handle the regular stressors of life. Have you done the work to be stable?
What is my value system? Do you need someone who is sober?
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Glad you’re in the Couve, it’s where I got sober. Dating stuff I have no recs. But my old home group is Central group, 7pm open meeting every evening. 15th & Columbia St. It’s a great group of alcoholics and addicts!
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Nearly 3 years sober and will probably take another 2 years before that comes into the picture for me. If somebody crosses my path naturally it might be sooner, but a dating app nope. It depends I geus, be aware that even the best relationship is no match for the addiction.
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I guess I get a little confused on recovery technicalities…I smoked weed a few times since getting out of prison, that’s why my clean date on here is October 12 of this year.
I think letting it just happen naturally is the best way to go. Vancouver Washington has a big recovery community, there’s bound to be someone somewhere nearby in a similar point in their life, looking for me! Lol!
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