This is the shit show that is dating in early recovery.
Continuing the discussion from The Real Red Derek Diaries of Syracuse:
I completely agree, I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 9 months and I still have so many things to work on within my relationship. Pretty eye opening lol.
Aahhh yes… being the “fun” one… that’s something I actually fear when it comes to meeting people… I know I’m interesting, intelligent, artistic, fun-NIE maybe… (my self esteem isn’t that low…) but I’m pretty sure I’m not as FUN as I used to be… then I wonder if I was actually fun or just the drunk entertainment? I’m generally shy so I definitely used substances as a crutch…
At one point I was managing my drinking so that I could make that scenario work… and it did… for a loooong time! …until it didn’t! lol…
Turns out I have my own versions of fun… unfortunately none require social interaction…
…and I’m pretty happy over here with just me.
Noooow… if I can just get a grip on “holidays”
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Sounds like you have a rich inner world to explore. You probably have a deep, reflective mind & a perceptive heart. Sometimes I think our culture glamorizes being “fun with others” - at parties, at cocktails, at a club, at ____ - and ignores that there’s as many different ways to feel good & be good as there are people 
It sounds like you’re discovering your sober self & she’s got a lot of great interests! 
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Thanks Matt!
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I ran away from a romance that lasted six months precisely because she drank terribly even though she was hardworking and interesting. I was afraid of the damage.I still don’t want anyone for now.
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I have the same doubt that you have exposed very well: will I really be so “fun” or just a drunk fool?
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@Carlos_Macaranduba- even a functional drinker can be challenging… I know now that I put someone I love in risk taking behavior because I thought that I had myself ‘under control’ and therefore he should be able to as well…
Yeah… that ended poorly… but we were both able to see that and are both in better places now.
Relationships are hard to begin with… add in some addiction of choice and it’s 100×s worse…
There has to be a better way…
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Honestly, if I’m never labeled the “fun” girl again, I’d be proud of myself. I’m much better being the energetic, self aware, happy in her own skin kind of woman. I haven’t ever had the best self esteem, alcohol was a serious confidence booster in the worst way possible. Learning to truly recognize who I am and what I’m worth without, that’s been both eye opening and exhilarating, with a dash of holy shit.
I too have issues with the holidays, the majority of my closest friends are very heavy drinkers. I hate avoidance, but I hate putting myself in a position that I am not soundly ready for worse. I have some amazing people in my life that support me 100% and then there are those that question why sobriety. I’ve found that I hold tight to my support and keep at arms the length the ones with questions. I hope you find your flow as the days pass and the holidays no longer become worrisome.
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I did the same a few months back. He was a wonderful man, but a complete functioning alcoholic. It was his double life. We met at a bar and that is where I left us. I prefer to surround myself now with people who can hold a conversation without a double vodka tonic in hand.
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