I’m a month sober. I know that I should wait a year to date, but time seems to not be in my favor, as I’m 47. He’s a little younger, 43. So that somewhat intimidating. I generally date older guys.
I’ve been single over two years. Part of getting sober was getting over my last train wreck relationship that was on and off for 7 years. We lived together twice and were engaged at one point.
I met a guy for coffee today. We’ve been chatting for several weeks now. I didn’t expect to like him, but I did.
I’ve never dated sober. Like never! I have no clue if he was into me or not. I liked what I seen and the conversation was good.
I don’t even know what to do next? My plan is too just sit back and see if I hear from him again.
Should the connection not be mutual I plan to put dating on the back burner for a good while.
Any sober dating advice is much appreciated! I feel like a blind bull in fine China shop!
Well, I was hoping to hear back from him by now. Maybe I’m just impatient? And maybe I have some insecurity, as this dating sober is kind of intimidating. Also, as a child of an alcoholic who also became an alcoholic from learned behaviors, I have some self-esteem issues too. On the flip side, I’m pretty content with my single life. But, it would be nice to have someone to snuggle up with occasionally.
Take it or leave it but with a month sober we are still very uneven emotionally and although we feel great we will make some rash decisions bc we lack certain life and social skills, it’s very early in your recovery and it might be nice to take some time and get to know yourself before you add someone else’s emotions into the mix. Are you sure your strong enough in your sobriety not to rush back to the old ways if things don’t work out, are you sure your strong enough emotionally not to reach out for your old comfort blanket at the first sign of trouble.
I think an interesting sober date idea would be a date at the book store. You can really learn alot (or not) about someone by what sections you visit lol not really advice but just tossing this idea out there
You’re being impatient. Between the time you made the original post and this post, 3 hours had elapsed.
Don’t sit back - Men actually quite like it when women make the first contact after a first date - Its refreshing and actually massively appreciated and if he’s in that zone right now of “Maybe I should call her?” it will work wonders for your communication.
Even if he has decided that its not for him… Making the first move yourself is a good way to empower yourself and build some self confidence to shake off those insecurities.
I actually sent him this message on Bumble about 10 minutes ago.
“Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you in person today. If you are interested in continuing to get to know one another, here’s my number.”
He wanted my number awhile back, but I declined because we had not met in person. I told him I’d share it after we met if there was still an interest. He’s a few years younger, and so far I’ve had to kind of move things along. He mentioned wanting to meet, but didn’t offer any suggestions to how when. I threw a couple coffee shops locations at him, and said let me know if you want to meet up at either. So we’ll see if I get a text. I won’t be completely crushed if I don’t, but I would like to hear from him.
Good stuff! Good for you for making the first contact and getting over that hurdle!
If you’ve had to move things along then he’s probably not very good at making those initial moves himself OR he’s just not very confident when it comes to the whole Bumble thing. I don’t think his age should be a cause for concern for you. Has he been out of the dating game for a while?
I’m really not sure how long he’s been single. When we matched on the app I told him I was opening it up for him to share what he was comfortable sharing. I’m hoping it’s been at least a year. But, on a positive note, he’s not trash talked the ex. That’s something I run from. It’s a huge red flag, learn the hardest way. Lol
I’m a month sober. I know that I should wait a year to date
The only experience I have to offer is that every time I see this happen, sobriety takes a back seat. The reason for the suggestion to wait is that we don’t know who we are, really, really in sobriety and we need the psychic energy to figure out how to live sober with ourselves. Just a note of caution.
He sends his number after you sent yours lol That’s funny but at least you got the answer you were hoping for right?
There’s any number of reasons why he didn’t text but I don’t know the guy so I wouldn’t comment. I would however keep open minded about the fact that internet/app dating is a rough rough game - I don’t have it in me to do it, I can’t deal with all the small talk bullshit. Bumble is actually a bit of a godsend for a lot of my friends because it put someone in control - I think it was a very clever move. If he’s not great at small-talk, it could be that. He could be one of those kind of guys who just wants to know where he stands but doesn’t know how to ask.
lol