Dating someone that’s sober

Hi:) I’ve been seeing someone that is sober for the last 5 months and things have been great. He goes to meetings every day and has been sober for the last 3 years. I myself have never had an addiction so all this is a learning process for me. He has asked me to come to some meetings and I’ve attended 3 and really liked the fact that he wanted to share that part of his life with me. My concern is how slowly I feel he will move in this relationship and is this typical for a sober person … we are not seeing other people but it’s almost like he is afraid to call me his girlfriend:( don’t get me wrong he treats me very well and when we are together he treats me like one but when I asked him he didn’t understand why I needed a label. He also said that we are dating and that no he isn’t going to call me girlfriend yet. I know I’m not perfect and I work on myself every day as well but I just don’t know if maybe he is like that because of the situation and having to be extra cautious or what. I’m 45 years old and I just want to fall in love already. I apologize if I sound selfish

A lot of us have both been put through the ringer and put others through it too. It makes sense for a person in recovery to take things slow. Our mantra is One Day At A Time, after all.

He also could be protecting you in a way. Maybe he was the bad guy in a previous relationship because of his addiction, he knows what he used to be capable of, and now he is taking it slow because he doesn’t want to hurt you.

If you feel good about the relationship then just go with the flow and ride the wave. There’s no use fixing something that isn’t broken. However, I encourage you to continue openly communicating together about these sorts of things. Nobody can read minds so regularly talking about this kind of stuff is important to maintaining any relationship.

Thanks for letting me share. :v:

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Thank you so very much! This is helpful because I never want to come across as a nag… I wanna learn as much as possible:) he’s a great guy and I feel like he is worth being patient for.

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You bet. There is also Al-Anon which is for partners and family members of alcoholics. Not sure if there is a separate one for substance abuse. All I know is many wives & husbands go there to help them understand what their spouse is going through. Might be helpful… :v:

Good to know :slight_smile: I never wanna be pushy with him but like I said I wanna learn.

I truly believe that the program of AA gets us to a place where we can live inside our own skin again. He’s attending daily meetings so he’s invested for sure. That’s a good thing. Half ass programs yield half ass recovery… Alanon can certainly help those close to us & don’t suffer from the disease.
If you two click, and he has been completely honest and open & feels like a keeper…
Us alcoholics & addicts you know, we do wake up-just sometimes it’s quickly and sometimes slowly.

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Totally understand. thank you for sharing smitty! I’ve never been a super patient person but I think maybe this is teaching me to be :slight_smile: one day at a time doesn’t sound all that bad

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