Daughter turning 21

I have been off of here for a few weeks due to “falling off the wagon” again and again. I would like to thank @Butch for checking in on me and reminding me someone is out there.
I’ve sucked at sobriety over the last few weeks. My son’s wedding, the leading up to, during and aftermath. This in addition to my husband’s newfound youthful midlife crisis.
Next up- my oldest daughter’s 21’st birthday. Her best friend has planned a week of bar hopping and country line dancing, of which I am supposed to take part.
I just want to hide in my room and tell them to have fun. But I can’t stand the thought of missing a milestone for my kid and knowing that my husband will go and be the stoic, sober and somber one in the group to “represent” the family.
I have the drive to NOT drink. Where the hell did it go?
I appreciate all your advice and encouragement. TY!


We are here for you. I hope you get back on the wagon and if you ever looked at those covered wagons they would be a bumpy ride! Just like sobriety it’s bumpy at times. We can’t give you the drive though. You have to find that within you. We can support you and be cheerleaders for you. Hell I’ll get Pom poms. I have a son that turned 21 not to long ago and I didn’t celebrate with him in the drinking world. I let the ex go down that road. I make almost every choice fit into my recovery. I was 40 some days when he celebrated his birthday but if it occurred today I would sure be cautious, I might go but I wouldn’t stay all night. And multiple nights stops I’m thinking is more than I want. I hope you find the strength.


Does your family know you struggle with sobriety? 21 years old is a milestone birthday but it isn’t just about drinking. Chad_R said we can help support you but the drive is inside you. You can always go out with your daughter to dinner before she goes out with her friends bar hopping. You can talk about wanting to be sober and get your life on track. I do not know of any kid that can’t get behind their parent for that. I told my, then 7 that I had a drinking issue and that I was quitting. I told him it will be hard for me and to be patient with me. He said “dad if you ever need to talk I’m here”. :disappointed_relieved:. Think about your drinking ahead of time. Do you get sloppy drunk? Do you lash out when you drink? Do you say things that could cause issues? In the end you make the decision. We are here to help you stay sober. You can live a great life without drinking. I wish you the best.


At first it is hard to go out and remain sober. It is possible. Only go to one or two stops, then gracefully bow out, instead of drunkenly. Say you arent feeling 100%.
What I’ve found is that I have to remind myself that this journey is NOT about anyone else. I dictate how it goes. Not the events on my calendar, or the people at those events. It’s all me. You have to find your inner strong, sober self, and wear it like a damn badge. Im sure your 21 year old has seen you get sloppy, I’m also sure its a good lesson to try to teach that 21 year old you can be fun, strong, and awesome while alcohol free.
I wish the alcoholic adults in my family had tried to show me restraint, instead of binge drinking with me all of the time.
Hell, offer to DD. I offer to be DD allllll of the time. It takes the heat off of my sobriety.
Anyways. Sorry about my rambling. You will figure out what you have to do. Stay strong.


Well put Ashley! I agree, offer to be DD that’s the best solution for everyone!