Day 1. Feels familiar- actively doing the shame game. I go through admirable periods of sobriety and love me, but then I dip my toes, ankles, entire legs, and eventually drown in my cups, all the while thinking I have control. I donβt. I can only control what I consume, and when I get in these cycles, I feel like the alcohol consumes me. I hate it. But I love it. But I hate it because I love it. I am here trying again. I need pretty words to replace the hateful ones in my head even though I feel like I deserve the hateful. I wish I wasnβt like this, but I am, and I need to surrender and heal. Reading all the posts this morning is helped so much. Please know you have already inspired me, and I am grateful to be here.
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Hi and welcome to the community 
Day 1 is a great place to start.
On my first few weeks i lived on this 24 hour zoom meeting. Id keep my camera and audio off so no one knew i was there and i would just listen to others, others who were like me.
Listening is so powerfull and can remind in those weak moments the damage that drinking causes and help us stay strong and get through that day.
Also being here in this community liteally save me, everyone here are my support system so keep reaching out and read as much as you can it really does help.
If you fancy popping on and listening to that meeting it is on everyday 24 hours day and night the zoom code is:
2923712604
Its called the 24 hour AA marathon meeting.
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Try a meeting might help helped me stay sober wish you well
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Thanks for this! 
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Thank you 
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πΆπΎπ πΌπππΎ. πͺπΎπΎπ πΌπππππ π»πΊπΌπ
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