Back here- emotional hell. I went out for dinner with an old school friend last night. Ended up sharing a bottle of wine with dinner and had a few glasses after, thinking I could handle it. I didn’t say / do anything stupid and got a taxi home safely however I was pretty drunk when I got in. Luckily my other half was the only witness! I had a good cry this morning to him and although I’m resetting at day 1 I feel more positive than before because we’ve had a real heart to heart. I had made it 2 months then had a relapse 19 days ago however I hadn’t told him about it so almost felt I couldn’t be “proud” of my 19 days. My body reacts so badly to alcohol - got the shakes now and having to go into work, eek! Any love and encouragement would go a long way to making this hellish day go quicker xx
Hi @Belle1, I’ve been there so many times with you!! Don’t beat yourself up to badly over this slip. Even though you reset, you have learned so much about your own sobriety and relapse! The fact that you are here means you know you have a problem and you are continuing to walk on your sober journey. We all fall sometimes, but the key is to get back up and keep moving forward!
Treat yourself kindly today. Eat well, think positive thoughts and don’t drink…just for today. Just for this 24 hours. Tomorrow will be another today, however you can be sober for this day and enjoy life! I’m so glad you are here with us and thank you for sharing with us. You have helped me SO much today, thank you!! 
@Roga covered it all beautifully. We have all been there for sure and the self shaming is part of the cycle to break. You did good starting over and coming here and having your heart to heart…and especially, you learned from it…what more can we expect from ourselves in times of trouble? Be gentle with yourself on this journey and know that you are on the right path. 
We can’t be fixed, but we can sober. I admittedy alcohol use on may 2014 to my family. Not that didn’t already know. Anyway it was a downward hell spin after that.
I kept drinking more and more. Went to rehab, got out of rehab and 2 weeks later got my first dui, on my way to a meeting and was arrested in the church parking lot. Lovely right.
Then I had a few good sober weeks maybe a month here and there. Anyway the point is, I have realized meetings ARE so important. I am 22 days sober and have the desire to keep going. I am tired of relapsing, lieing and feeling like crap.
Taking that first day of no drinking, say a prayer. Even saying give me the strength and power today. Keep that words in the forefront of your mind. Next day same thing.
I know I am getting long winded, just offering some guidance and any support I can.
Thank you so much 
I’m actually in tears reading your kind words and I feel motivated to treat myself well. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me today.
The self shaming is so hard to break free from - I think it’s the guilt and memories of the things I’ve done when under the influence that makes me want to drink to feel better just for a while. I seem incapable of liking myself let alone love myself recently. I do feel in the right place in this group though - such lovely, supportive people. Thank you 
️:heart:️
All we have is the day, hour, minute in front of us! Just stay sober today.
Thank you for your support. I’ve never been to a meeting before however since joining this group a few weeks ago the comfort and support of this community is incredible and so I think it might be something I’d want to do when I’m ready. I had this pre conceived idea that meetings would be this miserable place where people sit and mourn the ability to drink alcohol but the feeling Im getting is that they are actually positive events?
I actually found myself asking God to help me tonight even though id never considered myself particularly religious. I feel like I’m finally being honest with myself. I hope He was listening. Thank you again for your kind words ️
Thank you, I have done Tucked up in bed looking forward to a peaceful sober sleep.
Thank you - your lovely words about not being broken have also made me cry (happy tears). I agree I need time away from people and places where I would have been likely to drink. Thank you for tagging me in the other thread- I will have a look I’d also like to look into meditation as I’ve never done it before but I see lots of people, particularly in recovery, seem to recommend it. Sending love to you and thank you again ️:heart:️
Remember this moment well…and know you never have to feel this way again. Tell yourself “No, not today” when craving a drink. Those days add up. You’ll never be “fixed”. This is your path and it serves a purpose.
Hi Belle. Take it easy We are all going to help get you back on course.You just got sideways somewhat. To pick up with @Oliverjava none of us are broken. We all just decided to purposely scramble our circuitry. We now have to reboot ourselves. The way to do that is to get sober. If we get the alcohol or other substances out of the equation our bodies will automatically start the reboot. Putting all of these things into our bodies was easy enough. Now it’s payback time. Detox and sobriety are not easy,but it’s the price we pay for all of that “fun” we were having. You’ve got this Belle, hit that switch again.
I love the thought of never having to feel that way again. Don’t think my body could cope with any more heart palpitations / shakes. Already feel more positive at day 2 - so much better than being back at day 1. Thank you ️
Thank you- I feel stronger already with the support from you guys. It’s so encouraging to hear that if we remove alcohol from our bodies then they start to ‘reboot’. I had about 10 weeks sober until I slipped 3 weeks ago and I actually felt a shift in my mental state so it was even more disappointing when I did slip. It was partly the guilt over that which led me to my further slip 2 nights ago. Hoping that by being honest with myself, my partner, and you guys here that I’ll ride it out this time. Thank you ️:heart:️
Hi everyone I wanted to update you, as I feel I need to be honest if I want this to work. I was at a festival on Saturday and had a few beers and 3 or 4 glasses of wine throughout the whole day. I was by no means wasted but certainly felt a bit tipsy by the time I got home. I thought I could count my number of days sober by the number of days I wasn’t actually “drunk”. I’ve been feeling really sad though and thinking probably the only way to make a real didferwnce to my mental wellbeing is to cut alcohol completely. I don’t drink very often but when I do I have a tendency to blank out so I thought it would be enough just to congratulate myself for not getting blind drunk at events where I’m drinking. I am able to have a glass of wind with my partner at dinner and leave it there but I feel there has to be more of a benefit from just giving it up altogether? Thanks as always for your support. My counter was reset yesterday- so back at day 2 today! 
I think that’s why I’m struggling, because part of me inside is saying “you can moderate” but then another part of me knows that I can moderate for a while but no doubt I’ll end up screwing up again. And there’s always an excuse to drink - a nice bottle of wine that I got as a gift, seeing friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I know I won’t drink between now and the weekend because there would be no “reason” to, but I know that come the weekend I’ll need to try and do something different and keep myself out of a situation where I would be tempted to drink. Xx