Day 1 and a whole mess

Relapses
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Hi all, last night i drank an excessive amount. It was really really bad.
Caused serious issues for my relationship and we almost broke up. Seriously embarrassed myself infront of other people.

Im so sick of being this way. I absolutely hate myself right now. Been crying most of today/freaking out up since 5am.

Im going to my first ever in person AA meeting tonight. Any tips welcome, would prefer to just listen in for the first time. Something needs to change fast.

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I think you’re doing the exact right thing by posting here and going to your first meeting.

My advice would be to listen and be willing to take suggestions because the solution isn’t what you’d expect and at first it might seem kind of crazy but it really does work if you work it.

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Thank you im really nervous tbh, just really really need some extra support this time. Not sure how getting a sponsor etc could work but looking forward to learning more about it all.

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A new day it is. I’m so happy for you. There is a saying “Condemnation prior to investigation” I was so guilty of pre-judging the program of AA before I stepped thru the door. I was too smart, too unique, too strong and NOT into the God thing. I was not the “run of the mill” alcoholic. The man who greeted me with a smile and handshake said “ get a cup of coffee and welcome, you will do until a real alcoholic comes along.” :joy::joy::joy:

The program has taught me every meaningful adult lesson. It will save your life if you can work on 3 important things 1) Honesty 2) Open Mindedness 3) Willingness The Acronym H.O.W. Is the backbone of the program. Embrace the uncomfortable and reach out to the members. Your life will immediately get better :mending_heart:
Please keep us posted… newcomers are the most important of the group :tada::folded_hands::flexed_biceps::+1::tada:

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This is all really good advice so far :light_blue_heart::folded_hands: i needed to hear it too, even though ive been in the program and with a sponsor for 76 days, once I was finally desperate enough to really listen and take action. I can already see my attitude and outlook on life changing. I am more willing than ever before to accept that I should never drink, my life is better without it, and that if I stay sober and work the program dilligently, a Higher Power will guide me along a beautiful life path. It wont be easy, but nothing worth it ever is.

Im so happy you are taking that first step, let us know how it goes!

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Had my first meeting last night. Was a discussion meeting. Everyone was really postive and wellcoming. I did speak a bit about my issues with drink too. Encouraged to keep coming back. Overall think it went as well as it could. Still really uncertain in my personal life and the relationship damage ive caused due to drink but being sober and going to the group is one good thing to focus on right now.

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Glad you are doing so well. Congratulations on 76 days thats very impressive. Do you have any tips of how to be in environments where others are drinking or refusing offers of drinks in social settings? Need to have some go tos i can rely on.

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First things first. Any relationship, all and any part of your personal life will be affected by drinking. That needs to be sorted first. Your relationship can only be worked on after that.
You didn’t ask me, but as much as possible avoid places where others are drinking, especially if that is the main activity. I have nearly 5 years, and I don’t think I’d go along for just a drink, even now. See a concert, have a meal, etc, others may be drinking but I can focus on just my own enjoyment. The first few times I went out to places that serve alcohol (after several months of sobriety) I planned what I would drink (ginger ale for the win) and planned to leave early before people got leery. I also had a ready reason why I was not drinking to bring out when people wondered why ‘drunk girl’ was being so out out character.

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Thanks thats helpful. I think i need to have a couple of ready reasons. My family all know ive had issues with drink, worse than all of them i would say unless they are better at hiding it which i doubt because im extremely volatile on drink so im guessing it would be obvious if they were that extreme. But they all continue to drink heavily and dont seem to ever think of stopping.
Could be my saying i have issues with drink makes them uncomfortable idk not my place but i do know for sure going out for “just drinks” with people is a bad idea. I actually had to cut off my relationship with a close friend a year ago because every single meet up was about drink even me breaking down crying about the issues drink was causing she said she was going to get drink to have infront of me immediately after. I cant control what other people do but cant be around that either.

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People who don’t have an issue with alcohol don’t feel the need to fight to stop after just 1 or 2. For people with an issue it’s a battle to say it’s enough. 1 is never enough, “just drinks” is never enough.

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I have successfully attended a few events so ill share my experiences.

  • the first was a superbowl party. I went with my best friend who I trusted to tell I was in the program so I would have accountability. As soon as I asked the host for a soda, she took the hint and didnt offer me any alcohol the rest of the night, no questions asked. I was fine until everyone else got DRUNK. I started getting tempted so I left.
  • 2nd was my friends band playing at a bar. Pretty much nobody noticed i wasnt drinking, but one friend did ask why I wasnt drinking, and when they did I had a reason ready “im taking some meds I cant mix with alcohol.” Which was true, but those people were more acquaintances i didnt want to be fully honest with. Other things ive said are “i have to drive to some kindof far place later,” “I have to wake up super early.” “Alcohol has been messing with my stomach.”
  • 3rd was a funeral being held AT A BAR. It was awful and I nearly relapsed. Only posting here saved me from that first sucker drink.

That being said I have also turned down MAMY invitations in the last few months. In the three experiences above, I had a legitimate reason for going, it wasnt “Just Drinks.” I would not just go meet up with friends who are doing nothing but drinking. Im still too new for that. If you do have a reason you need to, my advice is to have an exit plan where you can leave at any time you get overwhelmed. If there is at least one person at the social gathering you can confide in, that will give you some accountability. Did you get any phone numbers at your AA meeting? Those people should be told where you are going and be ready to answer an emergency call for help.

Hope that helps. And just want to say if I can do it so can you. Its been hard, I wont lie, and im no expert on the subject but i want you to know its possible!

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Stick at the meetings and im sure youl be ok get phone numbers , wish you well my first meeting i sat on my hands i shook that much that was a few decades ago now wish you well

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Absolutely agreed what I meant was that me going to occassions which are primarily drinking focused for others when I am not drinking is a bad idea.

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This is a sign of a solid recovery…great advice!!! Get numbers and practice using them. In fact I am going to call my sponsor right now :flexed_biceps:

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