Day 1 for the 100th Time

[Buffy7]

Thanks for sharing! I feel better about attending a meeting in my town now Working on day 3.

[Buffy7]

Thank you! I’m really trying to change my daily routine up. I’ve recently gone back to work after maternity leave and I’m finding it really difficult to make it through the evening without drinking. I’m exhausted and stressed out and all I can think about is having a drink and “unwinding”. While alcohol does help me relax, it just makes the next day that much harder, so I’m really trying to focus on that. I’m so tired of feeling like this and repeating the same cycle over and over. It always happens the same way. I can handle a few drinks without getting drunk one night. Then it escalates to every few days, to ever day, to drinking heavily daily. I know the cycle, now I just need to find a way to stop myself. Keeping busy is definitely the answer. If I’m too tired to stay busy, I find naps have been helping

[Buffy7]

I agree with you. The answer is saying no to the first drink, trying not to get drunk doesn’t work. I’m finding it really difficult to stop myself from the first drink. It feels like something takes over and I allow myself to have that first drink, even when I’m shouting at myself to stop. It’s frustrating. When I relapsed it was a strange night. I convinced myself I could drink without my husband finding out so I decided to get a bottle of vodka. I brought the bottle home poured myself a drink and it literally took me over an hour to have that first sip. Like a battle between good and evil that I was fighting all by myself. Saying things like “you haven failed yet, you don’t want this, pour it out, it’s not too late” to “go ahead no one will know, don’t dump it you’d be wasting $25 etc” the drink won but at the same time it felt like I was forcing myself to get that first drink in. After that the voices stopped, I no longer cared. It was a bad night Funny thing is my husband never found out about it. This is the first time I’ve actually admitted it. That night started me down the drunk path again.

[Willow]

It’s my day one again too and I could have written most of that. Why can’t I be strong? Why can’t I quit? I will beat it soon and I hope you do too. Best of luck

[Buffy7]

Thanks! Right back at ya! We’ve got this

[Buffy7]

It’s really frustrating isn’t it? We know exactly what needs to happen and we do the opposite. I too suffer from depression, anxiety and probably a few others that haven’t been diagnosed. When I am sober I’m flooded with constant thinking, worrying and sadness. I drink to shut it up and feel numb, but I know it’s only adding to the problem. I call it my downward spiral and I’m really trying to push through this time. Change my way of thinking, trying stop blaming others and stop being so hard on myself. I know we can do this! Best of luck!! (Although, I know it’s not luck. It’s hard constant work that is so worth it!)

[Raven]

Day 1 for me too. I was 16 days sober…that 2 week mark always gets me. I get cocky and think just 1 won’t hurt…i got this… the more I’m on this forum the more insight I gain as to what triggers me. So stay strong and we will beat this

[Sunbaby]

I feel ya girl!

[Thumper1213]

Today is my day 1 again. I know the shame and guilt feeling all to well. I hope we all stay sober

[Buffy]

Yikes! I had to double take and make sure I didn’t post this! I’m feel the same, this is my 3rd reset this year but that’s three more sober times than in the past 30 years bar my pregnancy’s.

I like your list, it’s good to read over.

I keep thinking how hard can it be when I clearly know all the benefits of sobriety far outweigh the zero benefits of drinking. It’s just not that easy for some illogical reason (That’s addiction for you I guess!)

All we can do is keep on keeping on, grow stronger day by day and stay sober day by day.

[Fuffer]

Welcome back

[Buffy7]

It really sucks to reset. I’m trying so hard to focus my energy on bettering myself and not thinking so much about drinking. So far it’s going well, but then again the first couple of weeks are pretty easy for me. I’ve never made it past 3 months (excluding my pregnancies). Here’s to sticking it out this time!

Nice to see another Buffy on here

[Mags]

“Day 1 for the 100th time” I’m sooooo familiar with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that I was going to stop drinking and then a few days later i’m drinking again. I’ll get drunk the night before and then the next day I’ll wake up feeling so anxious and depressed and mad at myself. It’s like I keep making these empty promises that I never follow through with. I feel like i’m always letting myself down and i’m stuck in this vicious cycle. I’m on my 4th day now of not drinking and I wish more than anything that I stick with it this time! It’s not even a matter anymore of whether I want to stop drinking or not it’s that I HAVE to stop.

[Zoesgram1]

Mags you can do this! I am proud of you and believe in you. Keep yourself busy and don’t worry about tomorrow.

[JennyJen]

Was about 30 days sober, but relapsed last night. But, I had so many things in my mind telling g me not too. Those voices are getting stronger. Just need to be proactive, go to meetings, and make a call when thinking of giving in. I’m so ready to start again. I’m feeling low rn, but I know that I have to be positive instead of self hating.

[JennyJen]

I’m right there with you. Today is a new day though. Let’s do this!

[JennyJen]

I do the exact same thing. I guess it really is one day at a time.

[Ecogirl]

Me too. I don’t want to reset. I did 14 days then had 2 x halves of cider last night. I’m kicking myself as I left half of the 3rd half by strongly thinking NO i dont want this and left the bar. Im so proud I did that. Going back to day 1 will be so upsetting when I’m proud I didn’t start on pints get drunk and miss work today.
I’m not going to reset so please forgive me. If i relapse again then no excuse no matter how far I get ill reset.

[Coconutkoala]

Your list is bang on. It could have me writing it abd something I needed to read today! Thanks for sharing. How have you been doing since?

[Buffy7]

I’m sorry to hear that, stay strong! It really sucks to relapse and reset but every sober day is worth it. I found this site that has been really helpful the past 15 days.

I wrote this on my mirror where I shower, and I read it every morning while I’m in the shower. I pick one affirmation to focus on each day. Today I chose the negative thoughts. No room for those today!

1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me. I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.

2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself. My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.

3. Happiness is a habit I will develop. Happiness is created, not waited for.

4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to. I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

5. I am what I think. I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great. Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.

7. Love can change the course of my world. Caring becomes all important.

8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth. Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.

9. The past is gone forever. No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.

10. All love given returns. I will learn to know that others love me.

11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise. I treasure all moments of my new life.

12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life. This is what I am and I shall know it always.

13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions. I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.

I can’t even remember where I found this, I think it’s women for sobriety. I found it months ago and I’ve just started using it now. It’s helping me, maybe it could help you too!