Hangover from hell. Shaking and shiting. Called off work again. Google how to quit drinking. Shame filled. How do i stop. How do i not do it again as soon as the hangover passes. 12 years of weekly blackouts. Never missed a week. Cant hang out with friends without drinking till i fall and am covered in bruises with my husband picking me up off the floor to bed. My husband bought me the second bottle of wine with his additional 6 pack. I am so lost and just hope i have the will this time to make a change. I say only on special occasions not everyday anymore. This sucks. Why am i like this. I want to be classy not trashy. My life wasnt supposed to turn out like this. I embarrassed myself once again and wonder why i have no friends. No one wants to follow this lifestyle. No one wants to hang with blackout brittany. How do i change but my husband still drink daily. Its not his problem but i am a follower.
Well, that sounds wretched. 
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What are you willing to do to change? There is inpatient and outpatient rehab, individual counseling, medications to help with craving and to induce nausea if you drink, there’s AA and Smart Recovery, maybe a church based program if you go that way.
Look for ways not to drink, to stay sober. There are enough excuses and road blocks as we all know. But what will you do today to stay sober today?
Blessings on your house 
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Sorry you are feeling this way. I am also having a hard time being my own person about this decision, and not being a follower. I dont have the self control… but now I have to make it happen. You can too.
Welcome, so many of us have been there. This is a great first step. Right now survive your hangover, reseach everything this place has to offer. We are here to help.
Addiction can’t be helped with willpower alone. Only when I admitted I was powerless and that my life had become unmanageable, only when I was willing to surrender my will, get totally honest with myself and others, ask for help, and do whatever it took was I able to get sober. Find an AA meeting and keep going back.
I know that if I relied on my will-power to get sober I would be high or drunk at this very moment. In the middle of the work day. I rely on a power much greater than myself to stay sober today. Each day I put in the footwork and stick to a program of action and as a result I stay sober.
Are you willing to do as the people on this forum do to stay sober? Are you willing to put aside reservations? Are you willing to do all that is required to have a life beyond your wildest dreams?
Hey Ballen… and welcome.
Sorry you are going through this.
There are some amazing people in this community willing to give advice and encouragement.
Wishing you all the very best
Hang in there. You are probably going through one of the toughest phases right now. Deciding youre sick and tired of the sick and tired is huge. Be patient with yourself right now. Knowing you want more out of yourself and life is just the beginning of a beautiful and rewarding journey. I never thought id be 6 months sober but here i am. Feeling great and not looking back.
Inch by inch, day by day, whats meant for you, will find a way. Stay strong. Much love.
The good news is that sobriety is achievable but it doesn’t just happen. Those of us here who are sober work our asses off to maintain what we have. If you are willing to put in the work amazing things can happen. AA has given me a life worth living, haven’t had to drink or use in over a year.
Hello and welcome Brittany,
Sorry you feel this way. I hope to see you around here often. It helps to read and write here.
You can change your life! You can be classy!
You never have to be blackout Brittany again if you stop drinking.
Do I see you again tomorrow?
@Ballen My first good decision was to not take the first drink and every one that was offered was the first. Immediately order or choose an alcohol free AF beverage. Make sure you always have that in the house or a to go cup. ALWAYS! 
I won’t add much except that this is truly wonderful. So many people struggling and so many willing to help, it’s amazing and it does help. I wouldn’t be where I am now without the effort of other people soooo
Thank you God and thank you good people.
I am grateful, truly grateful. I felt ashamed at first for not feeling it sometimes but when I see this
It’s moving. Thank you.
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired is an understatement. Its scary but reading others posts my first step is to change my routine. Dont go to that gas station …dont go right home without a plan to workout or cook etc. I will be here tomorrow. One day at a time. I liked when i read that and take it so literal. One day at a time.
I hope you learn to stand up for yourself. I don’t go every where with my partner and that’s ok.
@Ballen There is someone on this site 24/7. Plz, seek our help. It is given freely.
PS: I attend AA Women’s meetings. There are a lot of resources out there to help you.
Hang in there, we all have been there some of us more then others. Talk to your husband and tell him your plans. Getting his support is a plus especially if he is drinking daily. Get a hobby and stay busy. Use this group and the knowledge in it. I owe so much to this group and their advice. Im still pretty new with this sobsrity thing, I’m on day 43 and i still get temptations. Come the evening time im very irritable and just want to be left alone. If you ever need anything please reach out to someone. Welcome to the group, take one day at a time, and uou are never alone. We are rooting for you.
You just started. Congratulations! For me the next step was to not let the thoughts that were in your head when you wrote this post leave your mind and most importantly know that a solution exists. You just’s have to find what works for you but it’s out there. Hating your situation and knowing a way to change exists was my winning combination. Even continuing to get shit faced I never let myself recognize that I didn’t like it anymore. Find your path. There are so many of us now. People of all styles and beliefs from Christians to atheists to CEO’s to unemployed and there is a way to leave alcohol behind for everyone.
I have a quit buddy in another online community who is a wife of a husband that drinks constantly and doesn’t want her to quit but she is finding her way that is unique to her and she is now with me on our 7th week.
You can do it.
Welcome!! You got this!! We have all been there. Take it one day at a time. Today you won’t drink. Tomorrow you will wake up not hungover and go to bed sober. Rinse and repeat.
Hey Brittany, welcome! Sobriety can be a be a beautiful, life changing thing. The best advice I got for you is to listen to all the advice given here, from all the people who have walked the path; with an open mind a willing heart.
Hi @Ballen
The first thing I suggest you do is write this all down somewhere. I wrote myself a letter that I keep on me at all times. This letter describes exactly how horrible I was feeling right then so when I am feeling better I can read it again and remember. Alcohol brain has an amazing ability to convince us that it was never as bad as we thought it was. But it was that bad. I also put in my letter reminders as to why I wanted to stop drinking. I wrote about losing my mom to this nasty disease. But you could put then in there about wanting to be “classy and not trashy”. Describe both classy and trashy to yourself in specific terms so that you can be reminded of what you don’t want and what you do want.
After that I would tell your husband what your plans are. Let him know “I do not want to drink anymore. I do not want to feel like this anymore. I am unable to drink just one (or a few), I always go too far. It is best if I don’t even take that first drink.” Get him to understand that you are serious. He doesn’t have to agree with it, but he needs to know that you mean it and that you will not accept drinks that he offers you.
Then get yourself busy. You will be feeling bad for a few days and you will be tempted to have a drink to relieve that bad. But you can’t do that. You need to distract yourself from those thoughts. It doesn’t have to be anything with great exertion. You can just binge watch a new TV show on Netfix. You can take hot baths with epsom salts. You can even take a lot of naps. But you can also clean your house or go out for walks in your neighbourhood. But do anything to keep you from taking a drink.
After you get through the physical withdrawals (which hopefully will be 4-7 days) you need to start working on your toolbox. Put together items that you can use to keep you going when those voices in your head start trying to convince you that it wasn’t so bad and that you can have just one drink. Remember those voices are ALWAYS lying. It was that bad and you can’t have just one drink. It’s up to you to decide what will go in that toolbox and that toolbox will likely change and grow overtime.
Check in here as often as you can and let us know how you are doing.