Hi everyone, I’m hopping on the sobriety train once again. I’ve been in this place before. The longest I’ve ever gone without drinking is 75 days. But, something is different this time. I’m literally sick of my own BS. Enough is finally enough. I’m not sad, mad, just done. I’m a soon to be 51 year old happily married woman. My hubby is my best friend. We were blessed to be able to retire early and travel. We owned and operated a successful business for many years. We’ve always been social drinkers, but slowly but surely, over the years, we became heavy drinkers and very functional alcoholics. No one would ever look at us and think, “they have a drinking problem”. Honestly, I believe my husband could have a couple of drinks and quit, but I NEVER let that happen. Once I start, I don’t stop until I pass out. I don’t fit the “stereotypical” alcoholic. I’ve never had a DUI or lost a job. I don’t wake up and put booze in my coffee. I don’t even drink every day. But, when I drink, I can’t stop. The ONLY way for me to moderate my drinking is my cutting it completely out. I’ve tried every trick in the book. No drinking through the week, only beer or wine etc. None of it works for me. So, I’m done. I want to be my best self. I’m happy to be here with all of you. 
Hey welcome to the forum.
Yeah stereotypes are crap… they gave me LOTS of excuses as to why I was not “bad enough” to have a problem. Slowly but surely I ended up at those places though as my addiction progressed. Then of course there were always people worse off than me…I also bartered with my addiction. Oh maybe I will just do that drug that way and I will be ok. Or this was my favorite… " I will do NO drugs and just drink!!!"
I am glad you found us, there’s a ton of great stuff to read here and lots of support.
I hope you stick around.
Welcome to the forum!! My story is similar…fully functioning (or at least I thought I was until I got sober and realized that hangovers, anxiety and feeling suicidal isn’t really functioning well. But yes, raised my family, bought and sold a few houses, worked successfully, Yada Yada yada…all the while torturing myself body mind and spirit with alcohol, thinking it was all good times even as I was dying inside. Hey, we don’t know what we don’t know. But having had a taste of sobriety, 70+ days is great, you know that there is a big wide healthy sober world out there…and believe me, it gets even better as time goes on.
Many of us go thru those bargaining and moderation phases…wishing to find the super secret special combo that allows us to drink successfully…yeah no, just more mental gymnastics and disappointment…there is no ‘only wine on Thursdays’, ‘water between each drink’, 'only half a gram tonight ', ‘just white wine’ and all those things we try so desperately to make us normal drinkers.
It is a blessed relief to let all that go! Be done with it and don’t look back. Our body mind and spirit can rest once we get off that hamster wheel. Lord, did I need that rest. My brain thanks me every damn day.
So welcome! Stick around and read up! You came to the right place. I will join you in not drinking today!!
I struggle with telling people. But, you’re right. I have to be held accountable. The only person in my life that I’m open with is my husband and luckily he’s ready to stop too. Sometimes I think that’s why I relapsed in the past, because no one knew of my alcohol addiction.
Welcome your in a safe space to share your journey and reach out for help and advice. Over the months and years ppl have linked so many amazing support threads to cater for every type of addict and there doc, take time to get use to the app and its forum its such a great way to keep your self accountable by sharing your journey.
A couple of books I found really helpful were This Naked Mind by Annie Grace’s and Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker. They might not resonate for you totally, but both have some really insightful parts IMHO…especially for females.
I am re- reading This Naked Mind now. That book was the catalyst to my 75 days of sobriety last year. I’ll check out the other one too. Thank you
You’re welcome. I have an extensive list of quit lit, so if you ever want suggestions, let me know.
Another thing someone here shared with me years ago…and it really helped me…was keeping a list of why I don’t drink on my phone and re reading it when I consider ‘just 1 drink.’ That list kept me sober many times. Bonus points for including highlights of some of your worst drunken moments. Often times we forget the reality of what drinking offers us and we still fall for the fantasy that it ‘relaxes’ us or is good for us in some way or makes us social and ‘fun’. Reality is usually a wee bit different. 
Welcome Laura Jane.
Your story sounds so similar to mine. I retired early too. Not sure when I started day drinking but I would guess around 50. I usually waited til lunch. Unless I didn’t. When I turned 60 in January 2020 I called it quits. Fat drunk and hungover was no way to go into my bronze years.
I found this app on Jan 2 2020 and i haven’t had a drink since. Today I’m proud to say I got a year and a half AF. My best tool on here Daily Gratitude List #2
I’ve posted how grateful I am to be sober and how much I’m grateful for all my blessings for 547 days in a row now. This magical forum of quality people is like a family. Sometimes we argue. Sometimes we disagree. But we always care and mean well. and are here for anyone who needs support. Take what you want. Leave the rest for someone else. It works if you work it. Use us.
Hi Laura! I was thinking about @Dazercat when I read your post. There are A LOT of individuals that retired and that’s when alcohol really became a problem. You are not alone. I joined The Luckiest Club online for there zoom meetings. Great fun and fellowship, lots of men and women with your story. Welcome to TS!