Welcome to Talking Sober @Soberliving96 
It sounds like alcohol is kicking your ass and you want to drop that relationship and be done with it. Believe it or not, that’s a good place to start from: you’re clear about the problem (you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol), and you know what you want (to end that relationship). Now it’s just a question of connecting with knowledge and people who can help you do that.
For me I’ve found books and podcasts very helpful, and I am also a member of a recovery group that meets regularly. There’s a list of books, podcasts, and groups here (some meet in person, some virtually):
You can do it. You’re never alone (and personally I don’t think it’s possible alone): you have people you can learn from and connections and friendships you can make in the recovery community, and together we all can more forward. Welcome to the team!