Day 10 and the tears won’t stop falling.
I know I have to do this. I know this is part of the process. I know my brain is lying. I acknowledge how marijuana has affected my life. I know I can’t give in. My brain is trying every trick in the book to suck me back in. I continue to surf the waves of urges, but I can’t stop crying. I will make it to day 11.
Hang in there. Ive been there and it doesnt always feel like that. Recovery gets better and better
Habits are hard to break, and your right… That little devil sitting on your shoulder finds every possible way to yap it’s mouth to try to convince you.
Deep down inside your value system is begging and pleading for you to return to it’s innocence and wholesomeness. It’s what is bringing that fight not to listen to those habits.
I’ve done some really shitty things in my life, and because I began to develop my value system:
Recovery Everything else
___________ > ________________
Everything else Recovery
I’ve learned that by putting recovery over everything else, I have gained much of everything I had lost, back. Had I put everything else over recovery, like I did in my addiction, I lost so much.
The personal growth I have made in myself, my relationships, my career, with life has been transforming for me.
Time is ticking for me, I am in my 40’s and I only live once. I have so much to do before my end comes and the only way to do that is by challenging the fears that created the lifestyle I chose to live in my addiction. I have control over my choices, good, bad, and even the choice to make no decision is included.
For me I began by challenging my internal feelings that I created for myself. When someone was mad at me, I felt unloved, but in reality… If I smash someone’s favorite dish for example, they have a right to be mad at me. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love me. Doing this is a therapy technique called the ABC’s of CBT. It’s a good tool to learn, and you can YouTube it if it’s of interest.
You are doing so well, it takes an extraordinary amount of self control. Onwards to day 11!
Thank you @ShyBert and @anon68572606. I appreciate all of the kind words. Taking it one day at a time. I’ve realized there are several factors that are contributing to the crying spells and I’m trying to get a hold of them. Thank you for the support on a dark day 
You’re so welcome.
I have a motto I live by.
I must first love myself before others can truly love who I am.
It’s okay to be sad, or any other feeling you are experiencing. Feelings are a natural thing to experience, even when they’re scarier then anything we’ve ever experienced before.
Do you practice any sort of mindfulness or meditation to self regulate the emotions?
Hang in there and keep coming back to this place! We got you XO.