Day 136 no alcohol. Its not getting easier. It is harder every day. Clarity in this sobriety is over rated. I dont like it any more. Not loving life. Positive memes piss me off. Of course I feel physically much better but emotionally i am devastated. I now know how sad and depressed i really am. Not going well. Thought i would throw this out there.
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What were your reasons for quitting?
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I suggest you read up on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). This is the 2nd stage of withdrawal where you experience psychological and emotional withdrawal.
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Make sure you are discussing these things with your doctor. Sometimes we mask depression with alcohol. When the alcohol mask comes off, the depression is still there. I may be off the mark but it’s worth a discussion with your PCP.
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Have you been working on any recovery programs like AA or smart, not drinking is just the start a lot of us have to sort out what’s going on in our heads that lead us to drink
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Made myself very sick. “Closet” drinking. Letting it control me. I feel better physically but it is still very much in control. Just in a different way. Very disappointed to think this is it. This is how my life is going to be now. Great.
Hi Tish61, it sounds to me like you are doing something that is very common at this stage of getting sober, and that is to reminisce about the way things used to be when we were drinking. We tend to remember only the few great times we had and the happy buzz we get from those first few drinks each time, and forget about the living hell our lives really were as a result of alcohol. In other words, we tend to fantasize a scenario about our past drinking life that never existed (thank you William Porter, I highly recommend his books Alcohol Explained and Alcohol Explained 2. His books changed my perspective on alcohol completely). The problem is these thoughts can lead us back to drinking, when we will remember how things really were in very short order. But then the trap has been reset.
Like Sam7 eluded to earlier, keep remembering why you quit in the first place, and add new reasons as time goes on because those will change too as you progress. When your view of alcohol changes, you will become the one in charge and not alcohol. If you do that, then your life will definitely not be how you are thinking it is going to be right now.
Forgive me if I am misinterpreting what you were saying above, I just wanted to offer up those thoughts to see if that might help.
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Hi Tish@61. I can totally appreciate and understand what you are saying; and feeling very similar emotions. I hope this passes for us both. Clarity? Yes I can clearly see how I messed up my life by drinking. Not certain that wil ever get better.
But my plan is to see this thru and to try my best to stay Sober. I sincerely wish you the best on your journey
Len