My initial withdrawal came with confusion, some anxiety and a feeling of missing something. Depressive moments where there too
Tomorrow I will try a meeting I only had been there once two years ago but couldnt go again because I was doing another meeting on mondays.
In a few weeks Im also having an appintement to do therapy again in which form exactly I dont know yet.
I am proud of myself for 14 days again and I am getting better I feel it, I have a sharper mind and can see clearer.
I feel often on the verge of tears because all the emotions I didnt have on ketamine come back now. But Im happy to be able to cry. I was swimming again two times the last two weeks on top of my normal gym routine so I feel a lot better physically!
My bladder mostly annoys me at night when I have to pee up to 6 or more times. I dont drink anything besides water as sugary drink make it much much worse. (Ketamine is very bladder toxic)
Today I went to the sauna and at home had a “depression nap” for 4 hours because I was unmotivated. I want to avoid that of course in the future. Most days I am active but Im also just working 4 hours a week so I have lots of time to fill.
Also Im having problems with a girl Im seeing we already have a few years history and such conflict obviously doesnt help recovering. I am unsure how to handle the situation with her and I dont want to have a possibly good sober day ruined by all these mixes feelings
Also now that Im a bit more clear headed I cant help but remember all the weight I lost using. My longest sober time was 92 days and I had a much more healthy weight and all the muscles are gone now. I dont care about societal standards of men needing muscles I remind myself that but I realized its a personal thing: I miss this healthy fit feeling of my body. Health is wealth and I feel like I lost a lot of myself in drugs not just mentally but physically too.
All in all Ill keep u updated and whoever is fighting, Im with you and we can do it!
