Day 19 in Rehab: Independence Day, Digging into Past Triggers, and Setting Boundaries

Emotional Support
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Hi everyone,

Today marks my 19th day in rehab.

It’s Independence Day here in India today. We kicked off the morning by raising the national flag and sharing sweets together. There are no structured classes or recovery sessions scheduled for today because of the holiday, but I had an important one-on-one conversation with my counselor that I wanted to process here with you all.

Yesterday, my parents came in for a counseling session, and toward the end, the counselor called me into the room to join them. The moment I stood in front of them, a wave of intense, severe anger suddenly washed over me. I couldn’t fully wrap my head around why it hit me so hard at that exact second.

Looking back, my relationship with my father during my childhood was tough—he used to hit me a lot back then. Maybe those old wounds are still sitting deep inside me, driving this unresolved anger.

During our talk today, my counselor brought up the anger he saw on my face yesterday. I decided to be completely honest with him. I told him that the thought of sitting through another joint counseling session with my parents fills me with intense frustration, and I explicitly asked if I could be exempted from joint sessions.

My counselor emphasized how crucial emotional family bonds are for long-term recovery, and rationally, I understand where he is coming from. But right now, emotionally, I just can’t accept it or digest it. It’s not that I hate my dad—in fact, we communicate normally. He even sent me voice notes on WhatsApp this morning, and I replied to him naturally. Yet, the moment I am expected to sit in a formal counseling setup with him, that deep anger flashes up.

I made my stance very clear to my counselor: Please do not force me into joint sessions right now. I told him I am more than willing to continue my own individual therapy, and they can continue separate counseling sessions for my parents, but joining them together is something I am not ready for at this stage of my recovery.

Navigating these old emotional triggers while staying focused on my sobriety is tough, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Thanks for listening and letting me share.

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I think your request sounds reasonable. When my daughter was in rehab, we had to be invited by her to family week. I don’t know if they forced her or not. I didn’t get the impression they forced her. I’m sorry for your trauma. But I still think it’s reasonable seeing how you have 19 days. Congratulations on that 19 by the way. Keep up the good work.

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I too think this is a reasonable request and hope the counselor respects it. You are doing some great work here. You are not closing the door to this but stating it’s not where you are in your recovery. Grateful that you are able to put up the boundary to protect your sobriety.

You will be heading home soon and that will require more structure and discipline from you. This is where your focus should be at the moment imo.

Happy Independence Day :hugs:

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Nineteen days is great @s_unrelax! Your emotions are bound to be all over the place as your brain heals from alcohol. But you are feeling them and dealing with them, not numbing out! It’s hard work but it will be worth it. :flexed_biceps:

Happy Independence Day in India! :india:

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Thank you for the support. I spoke with my counselor yesterday and made it clear that I won’t be doing family counseling during this stay. Instead, I asked him for the structured daily routine I should follow after release. He kept pushing to find out why I was avoiding the session, which only made me angry and irritated. My brain is still healing, and I can’t handle all these challenges at once. For now, my sole focus is stacking up sober days. I can always address family counseling further down the road.

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Happy independence day!

I feel like that your counselor believes that healing the past is a necessary step in recovery. However, we can’t force it. Dealing with childhood trauma is tough. I hope he respects your boundary.

It may be important for you to do this process with your parents later.

Please be aware of your anger and your pain, don’t bottle up. You even can consider expressing and letting it out in therapy. Feeling the feelings without fixing them is a huge step.

I am sorry you had to experience violence as a kid. Big hugs, friend.

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