I finally hit what I feel is my rock bottom on Monday and I woke up yesterday and realized I can’t keep living the way I am.
I went fully psycho on an ex and I don’t remember anything I did or said (I showed up at a bar I knew he would be) except I woke up blocked and vaguely remember him telling me he never wants to see or speak to me again and that there is something seriously wrong with me.
Im a waitress at a pub (so my life literally revolves around alcohol) and called out of work for the next few days which means I’m losing out on money because I don’t have PTO, and I had to ask for another extension on my grad school work and I know my professors can only give me so much grace.
I have always had the persona of the fun wild child and it’s lead me to some equally wonderful and horrible places. Lately it’s been significantly more horrible. I’ve never been a daily drinker but when I’m out I can’t control myself and often wake up humiliated and self loathing. Really glad this community exists and understands.
I think I need to stop completely, and want to ask my psychiatrist for naltrexone so I can be at work where I have basically unlimited access to free alcohol and not get overwhelmed with cravings. It’s all really new to me because I’ve been in denial up until yesterday
The pub part sounds like it is your worst fear right now. I will say the chance of a (normal alcoholic) being able to stay sober in that envirement would be a massive struggle. I don’t know you location or what the chances are but it may be beneficial to look and see what other waitress positions are available in the area.
My advice…get down on your knees and pray. Pray for acceptance of your situation and humbly ask for help. Prayer will be heard and you can start the climb back out of where you are. I know it seems daunting, overwhelming, hopeless and all the things. But I was where you are at 11 months ago and my life now is radically different. It isn’t easy, but it is possible. Do not drink today. Just for today.
Welcome to the TS family Pommom!! This is a great forum to see how others have learned to rethink their relationship with alcohol, and to start on your own journey. Take a look at this thread to get some ideas: What's YOUR plan?
I think you are going to have a heck of a time getting sober in that line of work. Give it a shot… Go to an AA meeting and see what the others say. Do you have insurance
