Day 2 of no more cocaine! I feel pretty exhausted. Just did a workout today, attended a Cocaine Anonymous meeting, got some CA contacts, talked to my sponsor, etc. My brain keeps being like “coooooocaaaaiiiiine” and “mmm coke” “blowcaine” “snowcaine” “caine” “hehe The Great Wall of China lines” “I should draw my name in cocaine lines if I ever relapse” and “oh man, I should ask my dad for my cocaine back for 1 day in 2 weeks from now” (he’s holding onto it for in case I relapse so at least I don’t spend more money on it), but I’m telling myself “fuck that, I wanna see what’s on the other side of my recovery from this addiction!” I’m going in hard in my recovery. May God banish cocaine from my life forever, I never wanna be this much of a sub-human, cocaine-fiending creature ever again. I really want my life back, so I’m seriously attending multiple meetings every day and doing the whole sobriety thing this time for real.
I want my life back more than I want a bunch of off-white, shiny rocks of cocaine. It’s literally the devil in a bag, but it won’t control me anymore. I’m looking forward to having energy and feeling good and confident again!
Also, once it’s been 3 months away from cocaine from now, I’m going to ask my dad to watch me flush down that stupid ounce of evil that’s currently with him.
Should tell him to flush it now. Why have something like that waiting for you when your trying to stay away from it. Id want it out of the house ASAP. I understand if it was expensive but your life is worth more than a couple of rocks.
No wonder your dad is stressed out about your use. Ask your sponsor what you should do with that. If your sponsor says keep it then you need a new sponsor
The thing is, I’ve flushed down ounces like this before several times while trying to quit, it does nothing to stop me from buying more. I’ve flushed down a whole 42g while attempting to quit before even. I’m honestly so severely addicted that if I flush it and relapse I end up buying a whole ounce again. At least this way he holds onto it so that I can’t access it anyway and that way if the relapse happens I at least don’t waste anymore money on it. Trust me, I get what you’re saying but flushing it this early in recovery will NOT do anything to stop me. I’m going to stop myself from relapsing and then after at least 1 month I will actually flush it with him watching.
But it is controlling you. You have it waiting on you. Take away its power and join your Dad in flushing it. You spend the $ again, you pay the consequence.
Have you looked into rehab? Seems like you could do with some serious time away and your Dad could too.
Hmm the consequence of spending more money on it might be a good deterrent. I’ll think about it a bit more. Might actually ask him to flush it down with me today. About rehab, yeah I’m trying this one last attempt at outpatient rehab via meetings and addiction therapist and sponsor, if it fails again then I’ll have to go to inpatient rehab.
Alright fine fine I’ll ask him to flush it with me right now, if yall are really suggesting I do that. You guys are the ones who have been sober for a long time, I have not been sober for a long time. So I’ll just listen to yall and flush it with him. Maybe I can’t trust my own logic right now.
Hope you did it friend. Indeed your logic is addiction’s logic. Becoming sober takes full commitment. No back doors. No escapes. No poor stressed dads holding onto drugs for your addiction. Time to break free. Screw addiction and screw cocaine. Let’s do this!
Yup it’s gone. Felt my cocaine-infected soul just get crushed while it became a milk-like substance in the toilet. Oh god. But yeah that was the last time I have ever bought cocaine. Looking forward to never buying that shit again and staying sober.
Hope you do flush it
Reading around the forum, you begin to realise many who say one more time actually end up dead.
Leaving everyone behind.
Of course they didn’t know it really would be their last time at anything.
You have a chance right now, your 2 days in which may I add congratulations because your on the road to recovery.
The thoughts your having may be being triggered because you know you have some there if you want it - your torturing yourself when you don’t have to.
Believe in that the next time could kill you, believe in yourself that you don’t need that shite. Does it even make you feel good anymore?
I know for me I just ended up paranoid and got no joy at all from it, even going to get it I felt horrible the whole time planning to get it, going to get it and doing it.
You can push through this don’t let temptation sit there playing with your mind.
I believe in you.
You know what you need to do and on the hard days go and sit with your dad and ask to remind why your doing this. Build a different relationship, it takes time but it will feel good each time.
Wishing you the best because I know this isn’t easy. But you are doing good on your 2 days.
I can tell you my recent relapse was dangerous. If I didn’t have to hide it from who I live with I would of done so much more trying to get it all in a short time because I knew I had to quit.
You know what you should do and I really hope you do
congrats!!!