You are not trying to do this on your own and you never have been.
What you are actually doing right now is seeking help in inappropriate places. It is not the job of your friends to walk through your recovery with you; it is not their job to save you. Yet because you haven’t set boundaries on your behaviour or your communication, you perceive their silence as abandonment. It is not abandonment. It is being silent with a person whose behaviour (your behaviour) is out of line, unhealthy, and codependent: that person has asked for something that is impossible, and I have tried telling that person where they should go - to a sobriety program - but that person has ignored my advice and is pressing me again for something I cannot give. (I can’t do the recovery for her; she has to do it for herself. It’s not that I don’t want to help; it’s that it’s impossible for me to do what’s she’s asking.)
They have helped you by telling you, you should go to a recovery program. You don’t wanna go to AA that’s fine; there’s a dozen other programs you can try:
Whether you get healthy or not is entirely up to you now. You need to make a choice: keep sinking into the mud of your addiction, or get freedom from it? You can have one or the other. You can’t have alcohol at all and you need help from a sobriety program or a sobriety group to do it.
What’s your choice?
(Welcome to Talking Sober! 
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