Day 2 sober, not sure what to do

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Hi Everyone-

New to this online forum. I’m finally trying to quit drinking. I’m on day 2 this go around.

I have tried a couple times- typically I’ll get to a month and then backslide. I know i don’t have a unique situation: I socially drink and sometimes can only have 1-2 drinks, but I also often drink a bottle of wine a day, at parties I can drink to the point where things get hazy because we’re ‘having fun’, rare black outs do happen. I have gotten in fights with family and friends but it’s only once every couple of years, boyfriends have told me from time to time that it’s worrisome as have friends (even though they party with me).

Recently I was confronted by my girlfriends- most were mostly supportive, but concerned. None of which have really followed up, I feel like the elephant in the room and a bit abandoned. One friend (who IS sober) was aggressive and patronizing- giving me the ol ‘tough love’ but then it turned into: ‘you are a disaster, you remind me of my mother, you remind me of myself, you don’t want to hang out with me because I don’t drink’ (she also thought it was appropriate to have this conversation in a car, while her boyfriend was driving). I found all of this really out of line. it made me feel unsafe and NOT want to turn to her or talk to her or even see her. We haven’t seen eachother in four months.

I’m turning 39 in a month, and just want to live healthier and be more clear headed. I got very emotional last night and called my sister to tell her how I was feeling and it really helped…but I feel hesitant to go to AA.

I’m trying to do this on my own, but I do feel very isolated and alone and don’t feel like I can talk about anything with my close friends anymore without judgement. I started taking naltrexone again (tried once over the holidays which went ok- but I could drink through it). now, I typically take it in the morning, but targeted on days that I expect I may drink or be in a social situation where there is drinking, which helps…but sometimes I just say ‘screw it’ and continue drinking through it.

I’ve found myself avoiding people and situations recently where I may feel triggered- but it really bums me out because I’m a very social person (personally and professionally). I have a very successful career and can be present for loved ones- but clearly if I’m here, I think I have a problem.

Not even sure if I have a question here- just lonely and a little sad maybe…looking for a little boost.

Any advice?
Many thanks

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Meetings, meetings, meetings, try not to be alone as comfortable as that might be for you. try to be around other sober people…
Good luck

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I learned in my recovery you have to reach out because if you try to do it alone you will keep messing up reach out there are ppl that do care and there is nothing wrong wit tough love sometimes i was grateful when people gave it to me because i knew i needed it i needed someone to straighten me up and wake me the fuck up. Go to Meetings especially when you are having a bad day because it truly does help~! Reach out to ones that have the experience… Keep your head up & you will get thru this

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I have no advice as i am just starting on day 2 but you are not alone. :hugs:

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make it easy try a meeting meet new sober friends you will have for life wish you well

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I really appreciate the encouragement. thank you all.

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Sometimes your friends just act inappropriate, I got this too. I wasn’t being taken serios as I was seen as the most addicted. If some friends gave bad vibes, I’d rather be alone, I don’t spend time with these People. Even if they say that they want me to be sober, I don’t have time to be belittled. They are not my parents and not even my parents have the right to talk to me as if I was a child. Find your own way.

Do what it takes to get sober! Read about it learn about it, meetings help. I never went to AA. I just go to self-help-meetings for addicts. Therapy may help. Dont let anyone tell you that you’re a failure or going to fail. Never give up, even if you relapse, choose sobriety. Even if you already drank, you can throw the bottle away. It’s always a good time to choose sobriety. Believe in yourself!

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Thanks Dreams
I do have a therapist, which helps for sure.
And I have strong family support (my mom has been sober for 25+ yrs).

Guess I’m going to try a meeting tonight if I can get out of work at a reasonable hour and squeeze a workout in

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Try to make some friends who have gotten sober. They’ll be good friends

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You are not trying to do this on your own and you never have been.

What you are actually doing right now is seeking help in inappropriate places. It is not the job of your friends to walk through your recovery with you; it is not their job to save you. Yet because you haven’t set boundaries on your behaviour or your communication, you perceive their silence as abandonment. It is not abandonment. It is being silent with a person whose behaviour (your behaviour) is out of line, unhealthy, and codependent: that person has asked for something that is impossible, and I have tried telling that person where they should go - to a sobriety program - but that person has ignored my advice and is pressing me again for something I cannot give. (I can’t do the recovery for her; she has to do it for herself. It’s not that I don’t want to help; it’s that it’s impossible for me to do what’s she’s asking.)

They have helped you by telling you, you should go to a recovery program. You don’t wanna go to AA that’s fine; there’s a dozen other programs you can try:

Resources for our recovery

Whether you get healthy or not is entirely up to you now. You need to make a choice: keep sinking into the mud of your addiction, or get freedom from it? You can have one or the other. You can’t have alcohol at all and you need help from a sobriety program or a sobriety group to do it.

What’s your choice?

(Welcome to Talking Sober! :wave:t2: :innocent:)

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Welcome!! Your story sounds incredibly familiar to where I was at at your age. I had all those inklings as well, but pushed them aside and plodded along, allowing my drinking to progress. More bottles a night when I drank. Blackouts became a more regular occurance. Fights ditto. Bad behavior ditto. It all continued to escalate slowly over time. What was once fun and social became a serious problem. That’s just my story tho. But yeah, it rings a bell (oh, ditto in drinking thru Naltrexone too).

One thing that helped me was really starting to understand that what I was ‘giving up’ was really a blessing in disguise. That alcohol had stopped serving a purpose and it was no longer serving me, I was a slave to it. Sure, I could go a bit of time without drinking, but not really that long …a couple weeks, maybe a month, but always always always back to the same.

It is tiring. And it was time for some major change.

I found reading quit lit very helpful and educational. I found that there are a whole bunch of people who don’t drink and life is still filled with love laughter and fun. Who knew? Not me!! All that shame and guilt and weirdness and anxiety around drinking and what we did or didn’t do or say or how we feel. We can let it go. We don’t have to keep torturing ourselves, you know?

Yeah, friends will be weird for awhile. Some we lose. Sometimes we make new ones. It is okay, that is life. We can reclaim OUR lives and our health. Your enthusiastic sober friend…well, that is their journey.

Anyway…to the point…maybe check out a few books…I suggest 1. Quit Like A Woman, 2. Push Off From Here and 3. This Naked Mind. All are a good start at understanding alcohol and our drinking.

And visit here a lot…like daily. Read and respond. Check in. Don’t drink. Yes, be a loner for awhile. Baby your sobriety…because it doesn’t grow on its own…we need to nurture and care for it. Seriously. And yes, it is sad giving up a part of our lives…but that is actually a part of life. Things change. People change. We change. It is okay!!! :heart::people_hugging::heart:

Hope this helps a little. You are not alone in this. There are loads of us here who have gone thru this exact process and who are going thru it now.

You know EXACTLY what the drinking life offers you, right? How the party goes? How you feel?

But what about sober life? It is a big wide world out there waiting for you to let go of the bottle and LIVE free. Go for it!! I never ever wake up hangover free and regret it. Choose you ! :heart:

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Thank you so much for your response and comments, @SassyRocks

and recognizing that my enthusiastic friend was describing her journey, not mine. It’s not that I would push her away- it’s just inappropriate that she pontificated at me instead of saying ‘hey- lets go to a meeting together’.

anyway- as of today at 2:08pm EST, i have attended two. TWO. virtual AA meetings. and was really emotional both times. the last meeting, I got a couple numbers from attendees and have already reached out to one. scary, a little weird, but listening to everyone speak and respond here on this platform is already helpful. Everyone’s story is familiar. What i’m really struggling with is how to engage with friends without being tempted. I guess i just stay away from them for a while? I’ve turned down having dinner with two different, very close, friends in the last 24 hrs. that sucks…

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Good for you on meetings!! I know so many people who find so much strength, hope, knowledge, support in that type of community!

If you look around on here, you will find more than a few threads on early days, weeks, months where we have avoided situations that might (will!!!) threaten our newborn sobriety…again…we need to nurture the shit out of our sobriety and tend to ourselves. For many of us this means / meant avoiding friends, parties, dinners, certainly bars and such for awhile. We don’t have to forever…but it really helped me to avoid all that in my early days (challenging as my husband was still drinking at home, but I put myself to bed early A LOT or soaked in the tub or hit a fitness class). But I definitely avoided parties for a bit. We socialized A LOT so it was challenging for awhile, eventually I was able to hold some boundaries for myself (leave early, say no, all that). It takes time to build sober muscles.

It is okay to say no to friends and get togethers. Because what you are really saying is YES to your self and your health in body mind and spirit. And who is more important than YOU? No one!!! :heart:

Idk if that helps at all. It sounds like the meetings did. Keep doing that. Maybe get one of those books I suggested, see what you think. And always always always come on here if you need to…the light is always on and support is just a post away. :people_hugging:

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The social choices are a learning experience for sure. In my case - sex / lust addiction recovery - I sometimes find that active public spaces can be triggering. If I’m feeling that whirlwind in my head I’ve given myself a free pass to leave early; and if I don’t think I’m up for going I won’t go at all. (I also flatly refuse to go any establishment / any business that is directly about lust or sex. I don’t need that. And I’m home most nights before dinner and at the latest by 8:30. Nothing helpful happens for me outside my house after 8:30.)

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I’ve found recovery meetings (Sexaholics Anonymous in my case) are great social spaces; three of my close friends now are people I have met in my recovery meetings. They’re people I call when I need help and they’re also people I socialize with; I’m going golfing with them as soon as the courses open up.

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Like I was told when I took the first step,it isnt going to be easy but well worth it. Continue to goto meetings old saying 90 meetings in 90 days.

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Well…i’m headed into Day 5 and feel pretty good.

It’s hard getting to sleep at night, i’m sort of a night owl anyway- but waking up in the morning is so much easier and more pleasant :slight_smile:

I’ve been to online meetings every day since Monday, but not really sure how to / when to get a sponsor. I got a couple of phone numbers, and reached out to one woman from a meeting who happened to be a facilitator. Does that mean she’s my sponsor now? or??? Does one have to have a certain # of years to be a sponsor? the longer in sobriety the better? I’d be grateful for any insight.

I had lunch with my brother today, which was really nice. He just got back from visiting our father who is in the hospital dealing with some serious abdominal issues that I don’t really need to get into great detail about, but it’s been ongoing for about three years…due to drinking, poor diet, stress, lack of exercise. Anyway, my brother was super tired- but I told him about my decision to get sober and how I have been attending virtual meetings. It felt a little weird to say out loud, in person, to someone I am so close with "i am an alcoholic. i know myself. i know i cannot moderate. so i have to do this. i know i’m accountable for everything i do- i just want you to know so if i have a bad day, i can call you and it’s ok for you to say ‘don’t drink’. he was very sweet and supportive and that felt good. :slight_smile:

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I am the same. Your words are really describe me. Here I am relapsed again. And started my clock again too. I keep trying. This forum helps me. I am a non believer. I really do not know which force will help me. This thing is so hard. I feel like shit now. A horrible terrible person.

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