Oh gosh, that is so so relatable. Except I was the one making the jokes to the waiter about myself. I wonder, looking back, if I was waiting/hoping someone would call me out and take me seriously and “make” me change. But of course…I had to call myself out. And I had to actually do things differently. Which feels so unfair!! It shouldn’t be hard!! There should be a magic sobriety wand! But nooooooooo we actually have to fight our way to sobriety. So annoying 
There are people on this app 24/7 that you can connect with. I really like the Checking in daily to maintain focus #83 thread. When I feel a craving I check in there. It helps a lot.