@Minutebyminute You’ll get lots of great advice here! I’m on day 20, after multiple restarts since rehab almost a year ago. I have gone back to the bginning of some of the very long topics here, just to keep focused on sobriety and get to know people. It has taken me forever to admit defeat, that I am powerless over my addiction. And I just this week got my first sponsor, been resisting that forever too. We can do this, but we will never “got this!” Stay strong, PM me if you want.
Hang in there girl ! Were here for you if you need to vent 
Wow @Cupkate74 I feel like I could have typed out your words. Sounds like a lot of my issues in a nutshell. That’s why this community is good. We can all relate in one way or another.
yes. it’s great not to be alone 
because I feel so alone at times. Like I am defective. I’m struggling tonight. I want to drink. I won’t. But for Gods sake I hate this struggle. Why can’t I be a ‘normal’ drinker?! Why can’t I have 2 civilised glasses and put the top back on. I’m so angry right now. And I can’t drink away the feelings like I want to. Just had a massage and all I could think was how nice it would be to go home now and have a drink. And I hate it 
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Yes there are AA groups all over my town, but I’m not much of a speaker, at all for that matter. So it’s completely nerve wracking the thought of attending and people noticing I’m new etc
I completely understand. I felt the exact same way. I guess the pain i was causing myself and others eventually trumped my fear and anxiety of attending my first meeting. I can say once you overcome that first meeting, a whole new world and way of life awaits you.
I understand, I feel the same way and ask myself the same questions. It does cause anger. Somehow need to find a way to channel the anger into something else. I’ve started running. I don’t know if it is helping, because I woke up pretty unpleasant this morning.