Hi I’m Emily. I have been reading all your posts and learning from them for quite some time. I haven’t wrote in too much about myself. I felt like a phony for being active on here and yet going on benders for weeks or months for the last two years. Through this time my mindset has always been that I need to stop drinking completely. And I have had 49-42-21 days sober in between but it was always white knuckling until I decided enough time passed. This time feels different. I read This Naked Mind and some things really sunk in. I plan to read more sober literature. I don’t want to die sooner than my due date. I have an 11 year old and 7 year old and I’m married to someone who has always been a straight edge. Which is probably why I stuck with him. I knew even 12 years ago I should be with someone who’s not like myself. Right now I have 24 days and I look forward to sleep and waking up early. I cringe at the thought of having a hangover again. They were so terrible at the end that I felt if I keep this up I’m going to die like this. I was binging 2-3 times a week and always to black out. I felt trapped constantly thinking the best day to drink when to start what will I do that night. It always was at home and with my family. My youngest would say “you’re mean when you’re tired” not knowing why my mood would flip. My oldest would say"she’s not tired she’s drunk". I have talked to my oldest and explained it is not okay what I have been doing and it’s poison. We are all very open and close and I felt I needed to bring it to light. It’s not a secret. We will not beat around the bush. I lost my mom when I was 17 and I don’t want to do that to them. I feel this is my chance. I feel stronger and hopeful. I am reimagining myself on the other side. I see a happy free future and I want it. I have not had many cravings and when I do I think about the next morning. Thanks for listening. I’m at the point I need to reach out more to like minded people who share similar feelings and stories and addiction. I plan to stay here and be more active. I have awoken.
Good for you Emily! This thread will give you lots of ideas to read:
One day at a time. One hour at a time, or 5 minutes at a time if you have to. It’s all ok.
Scroll through here and read, get engaged here, use it to pass the time. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Your emotions will be intense at first; that’s ok. It will pass. 
Always good to see you @Blake11!! And congratulations on your 24 days and previous days as well. You sound a lot like me in your bingeing and also in how it affects us mentally and emotionally. Such a blessing to let all that go in sobriety. So glad you are here again and working toward a healthier happier you. 
Don’t feel like a phony! I think a lot of us kept this app knowing deep down that we needed to keep trying. I know I did. The first couple of times I’d always look for that milestone. The one where we’re suddenly cured! Lol. This time its only for a day. One day at a time and those days start to add up. Good luck and talk to us if you need to 