4 weeks ago, I smoked Weed on my 93rd day sober, because I got too angry at my father and instead of choosing a healthy coping mechanism I relapsed. It spiraled fast into me doing 4 drugs a day (amphetamine, ketamine, alcohol, weed) and I even worked as a prostitute again to get drugs after just the fifth day of using.
Yet now I am on day 3 again and very certain I will be sober today and choose the same tomorrow. Because these 4 weeks have been making me sick and weak, I’ve lost the muscle I was gaining through exercise, and generally lost a lot of weight. And I wasn’t happy at all, only high and that high was a burden most of the time. No matter how many drugs I take, I always want to be sober again, I deserve better, I deserve to have real fun and health and freedom from this addiction.
What is different now:
I’m going to rehab for at least 6 months, although that will still take a few weeks/months to get into but I’ve already started the process of getting into one.
I know weed and ketamine will always lead to the same result (before I hoped that ket and weed aren’t as bad as the other drugs but there’s no denying it now)
I’ll do breathing techniques throughout the day and meditate more (back then it was 10-20 minutes meditation a day, now Ill do a second meditation a day)
I’m living alone in a homeless shelter now there are no or little drugs used here, a lot more peace than the last place I have lived in. And I’m in the process of getting my own place.
And Im gonna chill more, because sobriety is worth enjoying and it’s relaxing to not be in this circle of pain daily.
I’m just relieved to be sober now the 3rd day in a row because I have this feeling I learned a lot from the relapse. And I’m more determined than before to stay sober. No relapse of the probably 1000 relapses Ive had could make me give up on my goal.
Until you can, hang out here. You can do this! We are with you. 
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