Well it’s day 4 in to my sobriety journey for me and I’ve been doing great keeping myself busy exercising eating well dare I say haven’t been too bad although I know the hard times are yet to come - I’m feeling good.
I had a hurdle today, my immediate family have been speaking and well I guess gossiping making fun of me and how I acted when I was last drunk… yes I made an absolute fool of myself and I’m incredibly embarrassed but I’m hurt because the people closest to me are using it as a laughing point and uses this against me.
It’s a horrible feeling reliving those drunken moments but to have family make fun of you like that of course it breaks my heart! And causes me to go back in to a dark place.
I don’t want to remain here… has anyone else experienced this?do you have any tips on how to avoid the horrible feeling? How do I remove myself from potentially toxic family members. Any help is greatly appreciated x
@Arw I know its hard to deal with the feelings. Just think we cannot change others, we can only change ourself, Feelings come and go they are not permanent. I’m on day 7 and you also nearly to my sober date. Stick with here reading the sharing of others, and you will feel more positive about your feelings.
I didnt like my family (parents, sisters, brother) when I drank…now that Im sober…I just dont speak too them much…turns out they’re just shitty people…
I like the peeps on this forum much more…
Ive been dealing with why I drank and its uncomfortable…so I got comfortable with being uncomfortable…Im at 6 years sober now…still sorting shit out, but sober.
Sometimes it’s hard living with the consequences of our actions. My guess is your addiction has been really hard on your family as well. For me it turned out I was the toxic family member for many years.
I always advocate for showing our families some grace, especially during early sobriety, because our families have usually shown us grace for years during our active addiction.
Keep that as reason not to drink anymore. There has been many Stuipd stuff I have done drunk and been poked at for afterwards. ( shameful morning and embarrassing what did I due last night walk,right. As drunks we all have been there. Me more times that I care to admit) Which is embarrassing but I figure I had coming to me, for being a dumb drunken ass. So I would laughed with them and say yep that pretty stupid. Congratulations on day 4!! Keep going.
The bonus is when we stay sober, we won’t do dumb drunken stuff anymore. Which is my plan not to take that first drink and get drunk again.
@Arw I’ve had similar situations with my family and like many others here have done a lot of embarrassing things drunk that I regret. I even have bad dreams about them and then the memory can stay in my head. I have to tell myself daily I absolutely cannot change the past , I can’t change what people think say or do but I can choose how I respond. I even have this quote sent to me as a reminder daily from an app I use . Like many others have said use it as a tool to stay sober.
I know these kinds of things sting. Especially when newly sober. In my experience, I’ve tried to remind myself that they went through my addiction with me and the way the speak and act is probably the way they’ve learned to deal with it. I also try to remember that just because I’m trying to change myself does not mean that the people around me are. Feelings aren’t facts and they’re not permanent! Thinking of you! Stick with it no matter what!!!
Yes I’ve had a similar experience many times with friends bringing up stuff I’d done when drunk as if trying to purposefully shame & embarrass me, which it did (although realistically I already did that to myself by doing the behaviour in the first place, even if I don’t remember it). I try to tell myself that they probably don’t understand the amount of shame that I feel for things I have done and so maybe aren’t being as malicious as it feels. I guess my behaviour could be quite shocking and extreme and so perhaps bringing it up as a joke was the only way they knew how to talk about it. Either way, it’s one of the many benefits im looking forward to of being sober NEVER having to experience that public shame and embarrassment again!
Try to forgive yourself first and stick to your journey.
Don’t mind what people say or think of you…soon they will forget about everything that happened…
