I lost my dad last year and following his passing, I relapsed after 4 years of sobriety. I slept well last night so I don’t know what is going on but I’ve been crying most of the day. He was my mentor and biggest source of motivation and support to stay sober. Today, I am having dark thoughts, not really craving, but wondering why I am still alive. But I know, tomorrow will be a new day.
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Aw, I’m so sorry about your dad. I lost my mom last year too.
I hope you find the strength to persevere.
Yeah, we need to stay sober and healthy for their memories.
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I’m very sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel. I’ve lost both of my parents and some others close to me. I also drank to postpone the grieving. Not intentionally, like they say to take sobriety day by day I took my drinking day by day, never intended to stay drunk for weeks/months at a time but that’s how it worked out. It was easier in the moment.
You say you don’t know what’s going on, I know what’s going on, you’re grieving. Your father just died last year, well, that’s pretty recent as far as losing a parent and moving through it goes. Hell, I postponed my grieving for 6 years with alcohol. It doesn’t help really. Platitudes don’t help much either. I could say it gets easier, which is true, but that won’t help you feel better at all right now. Some say it never gets easier, I disagree. You never GET OVER IT (which is what some people think or expect to happen) but it does become something you can live with, eventually. As morbid and crass as it sounds, it becomes bittersweet. In time, all people, no matter what, lose those they love. You don’t get over it, but you grow through it. And you will, but drinking or getting high is just a shitty plastic bandaid for something that needs to be stitched with time.
So, like I said, probably nothing I can say that would make you feel better right now, but that’s not even necessarily what you need right now. Just know that you aren’t alone.
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Sorry for your loss its a fact of life that we will loss someone close to us ive lost all my family only me and my sister left but i knew that a drink wouldnt have solved anything so i shared with my sponsor at that time and it passed still have the memories ,my Dad would have kicked my A–,if i had lifted a drink lol
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I’m sorry for your loss.
I found that my usual depression was a lot worse the first 10-14 days after quitting alcohol. I think I cried practically nonstop that first week. But it did get better.
Hang in there. You are doing great!
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Have you sought professional help for your mental health?
Thanks everyone for your messages. I feel better. I am working with a psycho social worker to help me out. Really happy I didn’t drink 
!
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I always say that love is never free. In fact it’s the most expensive thing there is. Many disagree with me or give me odd looks. Then I proceed to explain how I understand it - that grief is the cost we pay for the privilege of love. Hang in there, alcohol is not a solution - it’s easier said than done though, but you’re here 
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I lost my dad in 2016 and my 15 yr old son in December 2022. For me, i was numbing the pain with alcohol and when i stopped drinking i found myself grieving more so than before. Crying is also a natural stress reliver. Feel your feelings and cry a river. There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It’s not always pleasant crying nonstop, but i can feel a sense of relief after a good cry, and trust I’ve had my share lately.
Keep pushing through to better and better days!! Hugs!
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I can’t imagine losing a child… You are so strong. Thanks for sending me a message. Stay sober and stay strong . We can do this. Alcohol abuse only leads to death, jail or insanity. We are doing great. Keep it up!
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I am glad you are here. Depression hits us all. You are not alone. I have been fighting it myself lately. My mantra today, is like it was back when i was in my first week…i jist need to get my head on my pillow sober.
I really like that thought… A sober head on my pillow tonight!
It is nice and sunny 
today. I feel better.
You will be okay. Just stay focused on today and tomorrow will reveal itself.
Alice, I’m sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost a parent, but I did loose my grandpa who was more of a dad than my dad was at the time. I was 9, he died of lung cancer. One night when I was driving home from work about 1:30 am I was thinking about him and how I couldn’t remember if I got to tell him goodbye. I was crying so hard I had to pull over, I physically couldn’t see the road, I sat on the road side for about an hour crying. I finally had to call my mom to come get me on the road side… I was 22. There will always be times when you are moved by the memory of them. The hard part is to honor the memories and sit with the emotions. Keep your head up.
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