Day 6 and I got pissed off

Life in Recovery
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Here’s the best I can do in a nutshell:

9 months ago I out down the bottle but quickly replaced it with my DOC. My wife had had enough and I moved back to my parents to sober up. It worked for a bit but didnt stick so I stuck it out at my parents place while paying for my wife and kids to live at our home. It never bothered me until tonight.

6 days ago my DOC put me in the hospital and I barely escaped with my life. I woke up at my parent’s place in full withdrawal, extremely depressed, and more shameful than I could ever begin to explain. Since this happened, my wife has not call me once, nor did she come to see me in the hospital, which was a 2 minute drive from her work.

Tonight my 9 year old daughter calls me to talk and I can hear all sorts of laughter and banter and such in the background. My daughter says that mommy is having other hockey parents over for after game drinks. She tells me there’s about 20 people over.

Now I’m pretty upset so I text her to say that it’s not cool that I’m in hell emotionally and you’re having a party at our house, which I havent lived in but helped pay for for the last 9 months.

I stewed with this for an hour and decided to drive over, which I knew wasnt a smart choice, but I know if I didnt, I would have drank or used something to suppress my feelings. So I went over and everyone was gone except for a couple sleepover kids and my wife who was sleeping in bed. She heard me come in and asked what I was doing. I told her to check her texts and that i was leaving.

She read her text and got upset because I made the choices that put me where i am and she and the kids deserve to have fun.

To this I 100% agree with, but the part that gets me is that it was in my home while I’m in the most fragile position I’ve been in my life. The time I need her the most is the time i hear about the party.

My last text told her that from my perspective, she is done with me, so just come out and say it instead of stringing me along 9 months with me hoping I could come back. I told her I felt that she has abandoned me at the time I most need her and the kids (especially the kids) and if there is no hope for me to come home clean and sober, than put the house for sale.

She replied upset and thinks I’m losing my mind - which could be the case lol. She called my parents telling them that I may be a safety risk to myself.

Am I way out of line here? Having a party while I’m thinking I’m going through hell to get my life and family back felt like a slap in the face.The only thing I maybe shouldn’t have done is put her on the spot about selling the house and deciding about us, but I’m exhausted and frustrated. She needs to tell me I think.

Sorry for the rant I’m new here. Admins, if this isnt appropriate, please remove, I’m just glad I typed it out.

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Ranting and venting is perfectly fine mate, my main doc was heroin and I get the impression that it may have been yours with your nearly dying and the withdrawals.
I’ll be honest with you I think you have overreacted, yes your paying for the house but the whole situation you are in is ultimately on you. And it’s your children’s home your sound be paying for it.
I get why the party upset you and it may have been a little insensitive on your wife’s part but she also needs to unwind every now and then, she had initially put up with your drinking and now your drug use and recently you nearer padded away from it. Maybe she needed to have a little bit of fun to take her mind off the situation. She may feel life she needs to distance herself a little as she’s afraid that her and the kids are going to lose you and mate there were kids there’s having a sleepover, it sounds like it was more for the children and if course their parents are going to find round for a little while. Your wife May also have organised this to take your daughter’s mind off it also, your nine year old daughter just nearly lost you mate that must have hurt her do you really begrudge her of that.
Your six days clean? Now that’s massive but it’s going to take a long time for them to trust your not still acting out,I know that it’s frustrating for your progress to not be recognised but how do they know this isn’t just a flash in the pan and that you won’t go back to it as I’m sure you will have said that your getting clean before and not followed through with it.
I’m not trying to be harsh pal just honest, your doing well but this is just my perspective and I feel that others here will agree with what i I’m saying, yes you need their support but people tend to distance themselves from us to lessen any potential pain we could put them through and we can’t blame them for that. I would apologise tbh.
Your doing well though bud. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:

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This is exactly what I needed to read because I think it’s completely accurate.

I took out being bitter about my own predicament on her.

I still feel upset that she hasn’t reached out to talk but she is entitled to that type of response, especially after all I’ve put her through.

Your doc was correct. Opiates of any kind really were my thing. Unfortunately, fent is everywhere and cleaner stuff isn’t. I’m happy to be sober right now. Cheers.

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We are quite lucky here in the UK in that our dope doesn’t contain fent,I did order some off the dark net once and severely overdosed from snorting a tiny little bit as it was actually carfentanyl. I think they had to give me about four shots of Naloxone initially and then more at the hospital. Thank goodness it happened at my mum’s house and she heard me collapse or I wouldn’t be here now.
I don’t think it would do any harm if you texted your wife apologising and just drop in to the text that your really going to work on yourself this time.
Have you considered going to some NA meetings, they really help me and I’m on a naltrexone prescription I think in the US your can get s monthly vivitrol shot, it blocks the opioid receptors in your brain so you can’t get high off any opiates and if your did take any your would get sick. It’s hard to break the obsession with opiates so we need every tool absolute. This app helps aswell. B​:+1::slightly_smiling_face:

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I agree with Pants’ reply. I know you are in pain and suffering right now but think about it this way: you want to keep your kids as far away from your hell as possible. Let them have parties and laughter and normalcy–they need that; they need stability and consistency and fun. It’s good that they are in the house while you are at your parents. It gives you a chance to come back to life. Hopefully in the near future, you will be healthy enough to join them. You don’t want to take them down with you. Just focus on getting better so that you can be there for them in a positive way. Good job on the six days.

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We put the people we love through hell when we are in active addiction.

She has been on this rollercoaster with you for a while and is trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for your kids while attempting to experience life In a joyful way.

I think as addicts it’s really easy to make it about us all the time. I mean…that’s what being an addict is.

I’d say try showing her your commitment to dealing with the root causes of your addiction and starting with understanding that it’s not all about you. You have to work on you right now of course, but…this is work you have to do on your own and will show your love by letting her do her thing. Just my two cents. Maybe even talk this through with her, I’d imagine she would be greatful for your humility and transparency :yellow_heart::yellow_heart: glad your sober!

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Thanks for sharing

I can relate to the abandonment feelings. They pushed me over the edge. I also left the house and familly but I could not quit using on my own and It went to hell after about 9 months of using. And to be honest, I starten visiting in the middle of the night when they vere sleeping. Just to see them. Sometimes my ex woke up and I was in no shape to be social or around the kids. She had had enough. My inability to quit using is what made come back. I thought I was gonna die alone. I left her with no choice but to break up. For her own sake but also for the kids offcourse.

Seems to me you avoid this tragic mistake. Good on you and your familly. Keep up the good work!

In my case - I needed help. Social services found out I had visited the house and they relocated my familly. That led me to finally giving up and asking for help.

Do you attend any meetings?

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Try a meeting they make it easier wish you well

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Expectations are pre-meditated resentments and resentments will lead to using.

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How right you are my friend… :heart: