The good thing is, as you progress into becoming a more mature and responsible person who can show up for herself and others instead of always being that person, you gain self respect and a liking for yourself. You’ll be able to not identify w the shame anymore, yet have empathy for what it feels like to have it, and to not be able to live a worthy, satisfying life.
I was all self hate. I didn’t know what it felt like to be even neutral or accepting towards myself, let alone appreciate some thing about myself, for like my entire life until recently, a while into recovery. If I tell you that this will change, you really can take my word for it.
The shame is where it’s supposed to be rn. And it will be different, if you change. Just get to work. You can change.