Just had a nice weekend weekend with my son. Visited my parents and my brother and his partner came to visit us yesterday. It felt good with nearly no tensions I used to feel when I was nearby them. My connection with my son is good, always has been. Although he didn’t won’t me to visit when I was in a drinking period (he is 14 now). I’m actually quit proud on him that he can make a distinction between the two “versions of me”.
He seemed to have some homework he needed to hand in yesterday evening. Which I found strange since it was Easter. Since we had a stuffed and nice weekend we found no time to make it together.
So I brought him back to his mother, who immediately switched to the homework park. We have a total different approach to that, see really pushes and helps him in away that’s in my opinion doing more damage then good. You can see him shrink (and not only him) if she reacts like that if I bring him back after a nice weekend. It’s heartbreaking to see and to feel that.
When I came home she called to discuss it, I lost my temper then. Feeling powerless to react in a normal way, I reacted in an aggressive way. I felt some remorse, so I appolegized, but also mentioned aggressively whether she prefers me drinking. She can be a strong trigger for me. It hurts me to leave him there if she is like that. But it’s his mom and geuss he knows her better than I do. I can write a lot on this but then it becomes less focused I geuss.
Thanks for reading, writing it down helped me to release some tears 