This is day one for me. I’m hoping it’s my last day one. I moved out of my home state a year ago and I told myself everything was going to be different. I was going to give up drinking, smoking, and the worst offender of all nitrous. I made plans to exercise, eat well and I even found I got my passion for life back a little. I was actually able to enjoy all the things that my addictions distracted me from.
Then I gave up. I didn’t realize that moving someplace else wasn’t the solution, that it would only increase my feelings of isolation and anxiety. I was overwhelmingly optimistic before the move and for the first few months really felt like this was it. I finally triumphed. Then the honeymoon phase ended. I was struggling to stay a float, on top of my financial burdens I had no friends down here. I left my support system back up north and I felt (still feel) lost, hopeless, like i was stuck in a labyrinth.
I wont go into detail but the last few days have made me realize im not as resilient or emotionally mature to handle life’s curveballs as i though and my drinking/nitrous use to cope with these inadequacies were getting out of hand. I made some really bad decisions and I know I need to stop but I cant do this alone.
This is getting really longwinded and my brain is in a fog. Im having trouble focusing to even articulate my thoughts. I guess what im asking for is advice. I know i need to stop going to bars but my lions den is my house, my room. Thats the place i associate with my addictions and i feel triggered every time i step in there. Its easy to walk away from places and people that are far removed but its not like I can stop going home. Any thoughts or advice for someone starting out again?