Day one again and struggling

This is day one for me. I’m hoping it’s my last day one. I moved out of my home state a year ago and I told myself everything was going to be different. I was going to give up drinking, smoking, and the worst offender of all nitrous. I made plans to exercise, eat well and I even found I got my passion for life back a little. I was actually able to enjoy all the things that my addictions distracted me from.

Then I gave up. I didn’t realize that moving someplace else wasn’t the solution, that it would only increase my feelings of isolation and anxiety. I was overwhelmingly optimistic before the move and for the first few months really felt like this was it. I finally triumphed. Then the honeymoon phase ended. I was struggling to stay a float, on top of my financial burdens I had no friends down here. I left my support system back up north and I felt (still feel) lost, hopeless, like i was stuck in a labyrinth.
I wont go into detail but the last few days have made me realize im not as resilient or emotionally mature to handle life’s curveballs as i though and my drinking/nitrous use to cope with these inadequacies were getting out of hand. I made some really bad decisions and I know I need to stop but I cant do this alone.

This is getting really longwinded and my brain is in a fog. Im having trouble focusing to even articulate my thoughts. I guess what im asking for is advice. I know i need to stop going to bars but my lions den is my house, my room. Thats the place i associate with my addictions and i feel triggered every time i step in there. Its easy to walk away from places and people that are far removed but its not like I can stop going home. Any thoughts or advice for someone starting out again?

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Sorry you’re going through this. I’m recently back from a relapse myself. About three months ago so I’m still fairly new.What has helped me is going to AA and NA meetings. I find support and I develop new friendships and people to talk to about my issues. Not sure if you tried to go to meetings or get a sponsor in the past but it definitely helps. And I can definitely relate to moving somewhere new thinking that will help everything. A while back I moved from Florida to Arizona to try to escape my problems and they were still there. One thing that has helped me in the past is rearranging my furniture and moving all my stuff around in my apartment to a different spot and doing a really good cleaning job and kind of starting over at my house. Not sure if you’re able to do something like this at your place but it definitely helped me at the time. Do whatever you can to stay busy and keep reaching out on here. Trust in the process it doesn’t always happen overnight. But things will come together if you stay positive. I would say currently the two biggest things that help me are communication with people who understand and exercise.

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Welcome @Hopefulpragmatist!
Glad you found us. Tons of addiction knowledge and support here.
Reading your post brings to mind this quote I hear often in the rooms of AA.

No matter where you go, there you are.

Working on the reasons why we want to escape rather than running away makes all the difference.

I did 90% of my drinking and drugging in my home. What helped me was going to an intensive outpatient program followed by AA.

Wishing you the best on your journey.

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Thank you! I’m definitely doing better than yesterday, not out of the woods yet but I’m just taking it a moment at a time. I’ll consider Rearranging the layout but I’m not sure if i have the energy yet…might just start small and get some more plants for the house or decorations. I haven’t really made this place my own since I moved here. Ive tried meetings in the past but they made me feel a little anxious. I dont do well in large settings…I want to give it a try though. Maybe i just didnt find the right group. Thanks again for reaching out. Finding someplace like this where I can vent, get advice and maybe one day when Im stronger be the helping hand for someone else starting out on their journey again has made a huge difference. Have a great day!

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Thanks! Really glad I found you all too. I’ve tried doing this alone so many times because I’m a bit shy and introverted and it’s tougher that way. As of now I did start going back to therapy but I know thats only one piece of the puzzle. I’ll be honest I was not a big fan of AA. Are there any other programs you might recommend?

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