At a mandatory fun event for work yesterday they surprised us at the end by renting out a full bar and paying the tab. I wanted to go home but I don’t know why I stayed… I gave in and 4 hours later was vomiting out of control in a parking deck… I’ve never hated myself more and wanted to hurt myself more. I’m so fucking embarrassed
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I understand hating yourself. Day one again for me too, sucks
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Well, you’re back here, so you haven’t given up. That’s half the battle.
What can you do differently this time? Besides obviously not going to events with alcohol present.
You’ve had some pretty long stretches in the past haven’t you? So you know you can do it.
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Might not be a great place to work while getting sober if they have an open bar while everyone is on the clock.
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Probably because you’re an alchoholic in early recovery and too easily led by temptation to be hanging out at the open bar. Live and learn my friend, you have another chance. What are you going to do to protect your sobriety next time? Ever tried AA?
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Forgive yourself but learn from what happened. This is part of why you are getting sober. Next time there’s an open bar have a sparkling water and leave early. If you are tempted remember what has happened in the past. You are worth far more then those free drinks. Sending strength. 
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Sounds like its time to get serious. It was so hard for me to stop and stay stopped. Keep banging at the door.
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Well now you know. 
I think of those very tempting times as a test for us; next time say nice try but not today, Satan!
Get back up and moving forward, my friend. 
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I’m sorry bbut keep your head up. We do not strive for perfection. Go to a mtg and talk to someone. Im barely over 3 weeks but I could not even get to a few days alone
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Hang in there. Don’t beat yourself up, just go forward, make a plan for the next time. (I’m still in disbelief your employer made this a mandatory event)
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Sorry you’re feeling so awful. Relapsing is the worst feeling in the world. Something that helped me was to write down how awful I felt last time I did, and keep it somewhere where I can easily read it when tempted… In my wallet or on my front door.
Be kind to yourself… Early sobriety is hard enough. This awful self-hate and despair will pass and you can start again. Stay connected to others in recovery. Alcohol wants to isolate you… Don’t let it do that.
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You are not the first, nor the last alcoholic to do this. However, the choice is yours on if it’s your last.
Every company has its culture…and we carve our niche into that culture. If right now the temptation is to strong at an event like that. Politely leave the event.
I was once part of an organization that alcohol was an “unsaid” part of life. Open bars at parties, gifts of alcohol, time off spent at bars…ect ect ect. Drinking was almost part of its Heritage. Drink, for tomorrow we die type of culture.
Looking back, (it was the military) I absolutely greatful for my service and proud I answered the call. It was an honor.
However, as I look back through sober eyes I can see those that didnt take drinking to the extreme I did. I also remember those who didnt drink at all.
I thought nothing less of them, they served and were amazing people.
The point being…right now you probably need to avoid that part of the culture. And through sober eyes you will probably see others that just dont participate in that part of the culture. You can’t see it because you are attracted to those party animals like you.
If you miss of those events now, your sobriety is protected and down the road you will see you missed out on nothing.
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Yea Its a big part of the company culture usually that we have open bar celebrations it makes work really hard on me.
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Thank you everyone it means allot I just need people in my life that are not like that
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Real bummer you relapsed Jordan. I know this shit is hard. Remember those puking embarrassing moments. It don’t have to be that way. I’m glad you owned up to it humble yourself and are back on here. Never give up. Keep trying is all I can say.
Maybe you’ve seen this thread before. Maybe you can read it again.
Advice for new comers and constant relapsers
I hope you can find your way.
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At lease you made it back alot dont, its easy to quit drinking just as easy as it is to pick up and start again ive been told, came to learn the trick for me is staying quit maintaining my sobriety and surrounding myself with like minded folks in recovery. Going to meetings an avoiding situations that may be disasters waiting to happen is what i do to avoid any potential slips. Don’t hate yourself take it easy and just remember all cats dont have 9 lives be greatful for the chances we do get to make things right. Be well my friend back to work at square one, you can do it we’re all here to offer any help we can. God Bless.