Day one…. Again

It’s my day one again. I went almost a week and then drank over the weekend. I feel so ashamed. I want to be the best mother to my daughter that I can be. And I know being sober is the right move. It’s really hard to navigate this though …

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Welcome in Emily! Recovery is hard, its about getting back up and learning from your past to change your future.

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But you see what you did? You still reached out and you’re still fighting! And a week is a good start. We just gotta keep trying and not give up. Love you and keep you head up, sister cookie :cookie::heart:

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As fucked up as it is, relapse is unfortunately a part of this process for so many of us but you’re still here and you’re choosing to keep fighting that’s all you can do. Just don’t beat yourself up for this and try to think about what can be done differently going forward even go to some meetings if you need to because you deserve to be happy

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I was reading & thought, “Did I post this?” I did the same thing. I am ok during the week but I struggle every weekend.

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know your triggers is an important one for me. Sounds like for you the weekend is one of yours? Keeping myself busy and tired helped me a lot in the beginning of my recovery. So I walked a lot while listening to a motivational recovery podcast :hugs:
I had my share of relapses too. They learned me stuff I could use. They built my strenght so I eventually could avoid a new one.
Welcome at this forum, you are amongst people who understand what addiction is.
We are here to support you through the good and bad days.
So see you around! :raising_hand_woman:

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After good 10 sober days, I’m also Day 1 Again.

Got relapses two times, it was on my salary day at the weekend that makes me to drink for 10 days continusly starting from morning.
That ended up with some of the worst things like unwanted phone calls, no eating food, not going office properly, lost half of the salary, absence in work that also will reduce my next month salary, This time i will make it strong.
Every relapse is more worst than before. I’m planning to start gym, also ordered B Vitamin supplement for health.
Both relapse happened in every weekend, i will plan something in weekend.
Also my job is at the end of a bridge, Boss give too many chances next time i know i will get my job loss. If job is lossed i dont have much financial savings in my bank everything lost because of the drinking, after drinking i spend for unecessary things , i have EMI , if job loss that will also get difficult and also finding another job also very hard.
I will keep moving sober

Thanks for your support

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Being sober is easy. Staying sober is the hard part and takes courage that you have in you, you just don’t want to use it. I say this because it sounds like you want to stop but you may not be ready to give up alcohol for good.

If you are serious about not just “being sober” but actually working a real tangible “recovery program”, and you are serious when you say you want to be the best mother to your kids, please consider the following concepts.

You can’t be a parent to your kids if you are not emotionally present. You will NEVER be emotionally present unless you stop drinking. If you relapse, that is a conscious, voluntary decision. Unfortunately, you are relapsing at least in part because of low self esteem. Another way to describe how you feel about yourself is you feel like a worthless person and the shame from that is very painful. A “recovery plan” manages that pain such that you have better choices than to reach for alcohol for relief.

What is your recovery plan? Do you have one? Have you had a professional substance use disorder assessment that assesses for co-occurring mental health disorders? I am not suggesting you have mental health disorders but they at least need to be ruled out because if for example you have an anxiety based disorder, even if it is something temporary or situational, it has to be managed in order for you to be successful in managing your risk of relapse. Regardless of whether you do or do not have any mental health component, you must have a recovery plan, and a professional assessment is the first step you should take. This will allow you to discover what level your alcoholism is, how serious it is, and what level of treatment you need to get well.

If there is some reason you are avoiding facing a recommendation for treatment, you need, until you do decide to get assessed, to be going to AA meetings, at least five meetings a week, and get plugged into the program by getting a temporary sponsor (female, NOT male) to guide you. Do not use someone for a sponsor unless they have five or more years of recovery. Lots of people want to sponsor with only one or two years under their belt. They don’t have enough recovery to be a good set of tail lights for you to follow, especially when things get tough in your world.

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I know the feeling and have relapsed many times. You’ve made the first step, reaching out and admitting you want to stop drinking. This community is amazing, the people here understand and do not judge. I am 24 days today since my last relapse and I’m taking it one day at a time.

Take time to read through people’s stories, you’ll find you can relate to a lot of people and you’re not alone. Check in every day, but even if you gotta take it hour by hour it helps. I wish you all the best and you have no reason to be ashamed, you’re brave and strong enough to do this

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Thank you all for you kind words. I have extreme anxiety and depression which I see a therapist for and take medicine. It compounded after I had my daughter (she’s 4 now) and her father and I divorced less than a year ago.

Since the divorce, we live 8 hours away from him and I’m realizing our entire relationship was based on drinking or having parties and those evening drinks turned into daily and I’ve knows for a long time it’s not healthy or good.

His mother passed away last fall at 63 because of alcoholism and he didn’t stop drinking but I did. I didn’t drink for three months during our divorce and moving and honestly, it wasn’t hard for me. It was easy and I was so proud of myself and I felt amazing.

Then Christmas happened… and I thought I could have a few…. I’ve read a lot on here and it seems to be a common misconception.

I’m just realizing I don’t think I’m a one or two drinks person anymore…. And that’s ok. I just need to stay on here, keep busy, and take care of myself and my daughter.

Thank you all again. I love you all and appreciate you sharing with me 🩷

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Welcome to TS I agree you need to stay on here. We’re here 24/7. :slightly_smiling_face:

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make it easy try a meeting they will help and ,eet new sober friends helped me stay sober ,havnt had any relapses or slips just wanted to stay sober no matter what wish you well

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