After 20 days I am back at day one. Again I swear I will stop going to the place I used to live because there is too much triggers there. AND I WILL CUT TIES WITH ALL MY FRIENDS THAT ARE USING COCAINE. SADLY I WONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS. I AM DOING THIS FOR MY FAMILY WIFE AND TWO BIYS, THEY DONT DESERVE THIS SHIT.
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No they don’t!
Do this for yourself so you can be the father and husband they deserve.
What’s more sad, you won’t have any “friends” or they won’t have a father and husband in their life.
Stop making excuses and focus on what should be important in your life.
Best wishes.
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Try a meeting they might help and youl make new friends wish you well
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You need to do this for you and only you. Then everything else in life will fall into place.
I lost all my using friends too but I’ve gained so many more meaningful friendships in the rooms of AA. Changing people, places and things are talked about a lot because it works.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
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Day three, my mood is improving and I am slowly getting to my old self, but 3 days is really no problem, problem is that weekend after 7 days… Or After14 days, that is what gets me… If I dont go out on weekends I start feeling like life is passing me by… And I just go out lying to myself it wil only be one maybe 2 drinks…
Have you changed anything? Have you made
Commitments to focus on what you need to do?
Trust me, I understand the idea that you’re missing out, but also trust me, you aren’t. All that will happen is you rob you and your family of time. You play Russian roulette with your kids father.
I hope you are attending something, NA, AA, something that will help you maintain your focus and show you where this all leads…
I’m hopeful you are able to place that higher priority on yourself and enjoy a good weekend with family. Take in a movie, go camping, have a bbq, set up a pool, badminton net, go to lake, take em on a hike, to the library. Or just be…
Best
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The thinking about “me time” and “life is passing me by” and “I need this time to relax”, all that was fuel for my denial that, really, I just wanted to drink on the weekends. I was a daily drinker, but my wife worked 12 hours shifts on the weekend and left me to care for the kids. I thought of Saturday and Sunday as my drinking time, and of course, I had to start as soon as she was out the door and gone long enough to convince me she wasn’t going to sneak back and check on me. Drinking at 6 AM did not bother me, by then.
When I got sober, my time to myself, and the energy I put into that, was directed at my AA meetings and my counseling sessions. Going to those took effort and I found I enjoyed them both - AA provided structure for me but also a healthy dose of easy social interaction, and of course the counseling was always on my favorite topic, me!
I also started making the weekends special, by cooking for my kids. They were 6 and 3 when I got sober. I would plan elaborate breakfasts for Sunday, waffles or pancakes, sausage, fruit etc. And for Saturday night, I tried to find meals that they could help in making, or some baking they could do. It helped that when I got sober, I was on pre-trial conditions of release, including absolutely no driving (so I had to get creative about things to do at home and plan ahead for them - my wife was still working those weekend shifts) and a daily breath sample at the police station to ensure my sobriety.
I found it far easier to take actions that then led to changes in my emotions, attitudes and thinking, than to think great thoughts first and hope my behavior changed. In AA, they told me a couple of things - “Move a muscle, change a thought” and “You can act your way into right thinking, you can’t think your way into right action”.
What special new rituals can you come up with on the weekends to celebrate your family, to keep you present with them, to let them know how much love and devotion you have for them?
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It sounds to me like you want to quit so you don’t end up losing everything. I have two grown children and two younger kids still at home. I have to say to you that I don’t miss partying with friend’s more when I was younger but I would give anything to have made better choices and spent all that time with my kid’s when they were little instead. Thats all I miss. Those good time buddies wouldn’t be there or even care to visit you if you we’re hurt in a serious accident. But I bet you anything your wife and kid’s would be right there. The important thing is that you want to change and you’re reaching out. You can do this!
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1 day at a time
Stay positive
And remember, you have to this for YOU
Am sorry but you first my friend 
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