Day one today, im generally fine during the day, a busy day to day life with young children keeps me busy.
When my mood suffers, and i feel low, or i am triggered i want to hide it anyway i can. The safest way for me so far has been smoking weed.
I cant afford to do this anymore, i dont want to keep masking my trauma. I need to deal with it. I need to learn healthy distractions to stop myself from masking up and pretending everything is fine.
No more hiding who i am to suit others and bending over backwards to stop the feeling of abandonment. Saying no and putting myself first.
Im tired of being taken advantage of and also supporting others with no support being given to me. Im tired of maintaining my own addiction and then having other people smoke my stuff for free. Im basically funding other people and loosing out on what ive paid for.
Im tired of feeling worthless.
Sorry for the random ish post i rant and ramble alot
Some part of me is hoping there may be at least 1 person that can relate so i just dont feel so alone anymore
Sorry