I’m a female who just turned 50 and who has for around 15 years been a functional alcoholic.
One bottle of wine every evening was my reward.
Got sick and tired of being sick and tired, the guilt , the shame, the depression, the loneliness all for that few hours of the ‘buzz’ when I felt amazing and life was wonderful.
Except it wasn’t. Not really. It’s a complete lie. Sometimes I wouldn’t remember getting to bed and I spend the whole next day in a state of fear wondering if I’d said anything out of place or messaged anyone or pissed off my husband.
I was a chilled drunk. Normally non aggressive just passed out in bed most nights. Got up the next morning and although a lot of time I would feel horrible, I’d make it my sole mission no matter what that my drinking the evening before would not affect my daily tasks the next day, and boy was I good at that facade.
So I’ve just stopped as I tried moderating, cutting down etc and none of it works for me. I just like drinking wine so much it’s either all or nothing. So I choose nothing.
I’ve been scared to stop because of withdrawal. Bit things have been ok so far. Nothing major.
Taking it one day at a time.
Came from a family of alcoholics, my mum being one of them. She always functioned too, and when she did finally stop she died of liver cancer two months later.
I’ve so much grief for wasting the last 15 years ending up just like everyone I said I would never end up like.
None of my family except my husband have any clue about my drinking.
I took my last drink just 2 days ago but I also have a long term habit, also know it’s all or nothing for me and have also done a pretty good job of appearing normal to the outside world.
Sending prayers to you. As it isn’t easy. I am 90 days sober today and was a functioning alcoholic. At times downing two to three handles of vodka (the big bottles) with in two days or so. I fear every day I’m going to die now that I am finding my footing in sobriety. Stay strong. Start putting good nutrients vitamins water vegetables in your body to help you feel a sense of healthiness and help your mind connect with the fact that there is now healthy good things going on your body. Stay strong. One day at a time.
UPS and downs but all in all I give myself my grace when anxiety kicks in. I started getting craft with my H2O. I try different waters or drink waters like esesstia or alkaline and mineral waters sparling waters sometimes even putting fruits veggies I would do that often to flavored sparkling water and add grapes or apples as if it was a spritz it’s good hydration and it also tricks the mind. I have learned that the saying if sobriety was easy everyone would do it to be so so unbelievably true. You got this.
thank you so much for sharing, my friend ! i’m on my third day sober as well, and while alcohol isn’t my preference, i know we feel each others pain.
withdrawal can be difficult, but you’ve got the right idea about taking it one day at a time! it may get rough, but you have all of us to lean on and lift you up when you feel down.
keep sharing and connecting here, friend, it’s very transformative! we got this thing, together :] !
Hi lIzzie,
I could have written that only I would binge wine on my drinking night and suffered terrible hangovers my worst was 3.5 bottles of red wine in one night. I’m some how on 2 weeks sober. I’m finding tonight my hardest yet because I have felt good today. It just hit me out of the blue, the wether is good my house is clean, did a good days work… I need to get myself to bed. Drink is everywhere. It’s even on in the background music right now… “I went to the liquor store”. My god I have to beat this tonight…
Hiya,
I had a very difficult day today. Feck this anyway it’s not getting easier. All I wanted was wine from 4pm non stop wine wine wine. I left the house too which I probably shouldn’t have. I was dangerously close to giving in. I went to the supermarket 80% committed to getting wine but luckily I left empty handed. I’m not sure I will do so good the next time. How have you been doing?
Well done that was hard and you did it and you can do it again tomorrow. just remember keep it in the day “ I won’t drink today” I promise it does get easier the more you don’t let it win. One day soon you will be amazed that for a whole 24 hours you haven’t even thought about alcohol and you will be proud I’m proud of you today
What amazing strength you have @LadyHatt feeling like that, that incredible pull to buy wine, but yet you didn’t! You’re stronger than you think! Celebrate that and take tomorrow as another day .
I’m doing ok today, starting to feel (dare I say it) hopeful
and you can do it again tomorrow. just remember keep it in the day “ I won’t drink today” I promise it does get easier the more you don’t let it win. One day soon you will be amazed that for a whole 24 hours you haven’t even thought about alcohol and you will be proud 
I’m proud of you today 
indeed it is