I also appreciate you.
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Skills in Action!
So the last few days I have been actively using skills that I have learned throughout the DBT modules. For most of my life I have made rash decisions. When I have been asked to do something for someone, I get anxious and flustered, and I usually just say yes because I feel bad saying no. In the past, my whole world has quickly become too full of responsibilities. I end up working too hard due to my perfectionist tendencies. When things started to go sideways because I was overwhelmed I would beat myself up and then a vicious cycle of guilt, shame, and self-hate would start. This added to the plethora of shame cycles I already had cycling.
Last week, when I was propositioned to take on a position in the area of NA I used some pretty valuable skills from interpersonal effectiveness. I maneuvered through that particular conversation and didn’t walk away as the PR chairperson, nor did I walk away, having lost my chance at attaining that. PR chair is exactly where I want to be, just maybe not right now, so I needed some time to think about it. I now know that I am worth those extra 7 days to think about it.
One of my favorite things about DBT is simply the Dialectic way of thinking, that there is always more than one side to anything that exists. That opposites to many things are both important. Just knowing this allows me to act in a much more open-minded way in all situations. I can want the position and not be ready for it right now. Seeing as I do not know exactly what the position entails I am curious about it which is also a dialectic skill. I asked for an information package and I have been calling many people in the program who have been in service for decades to see what their experience has been like. I called my sponsor, " Do you think I am ready for this?" Through working a very, very tight program of recovery I know that my best ideas get me into words of trouble so I am very willing to take suggestions from others.
So for me, some very important opposites that need to be balanced in my life in order for my recovery to stay healthy are:
- working and resting
- doing things I need to do and doing things I want to do
- focusing on myself and focusing on others
I have been working through Pros and Cons which is another skill taught in DBT in the Distress Tolerance section but I am just using it to decide between two courses of action. When I finish up my list after I have coffee with a few more old-timers next week I will update you on what I came up with. I have a feeling I will not be taking the position, but I have not made up my mind as of yet.
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This is amazing work!! I so appreciate you sharing your process. Thank you!!
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DBT has been so helpful for me. I have been doing DBT since last October and it has changed my life. I am less angry with myself and less anxious. My BPD has gotten better, and I have a healthy relationship with an amazing young man who I have been with for a couple months now. And I don’t think I could have this relationship without DBT honestly
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Hey Aura, welcome to the thread. Which module are you working through right now?
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Getting new people! So going back into mindfulness
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Going back into Mindfulness:
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Stop Judging/Blaming. ITS EASY! Instead! try FIXING!!
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Mindfulness physically changes the brain for the better.
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“I don’t have to do everything with every thought I have”
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Let the uncomfortable times be what they are! Don’t attach!
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EVERY HUMAN IS VALID!!!
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“If you’re depressed; go clean your oven” - Zig Ziglar
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Wisdom = applied knowledge/ being aleffective with your knowledge
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Wise Mind: is a checkered board of Reasonable mind and Emotional mind.
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What Skills
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Observe
- notice body sensations
- pay attention, on purpose, to the present moment
- wordless watching
- watch your thoughts
- thoughts/emotions/body sensations ALL follow each other
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Describe
- allows us to have the conversation with ourselves and others.
- unglue our interpretations and opinions from the facts
REMINDER
IF YOU CANNOT OBSERVE IT THROUGH YOUR SENSES, YOU CANNOT DESCRIBE IT! - Label what you observe
3.Participate
- Become one with whatever you ate doing
- Throw yourself into the activities completely
- A state of oneness
How Skills
- Non-judgmentally
- stick to the facts
{Separate the WHO from the DO}
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One-mindefully
- one thing at a time
Let go of distractions
- one thing at a time
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Effectively
- focus on what works
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I am also learning to not detach. In the past I have either held on too long or never addressed. Finding that grey or the “wise mind” is coming more naturally now but I still need to be aware. Always learning. 
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Going into Emotional Regulation! Heres my notes from the first day:
Purpose
— to understand and name your emotions
— to decrease the frequency of unwanted emotions
— to decrease emotional vulnerability
— to decrease emotional suffering
OVERVIEW
— what emotions do for you
- WE NEED EMOTIONS!
— factors that make regulating emotions hard
- lack of skills, myths, and biology
— a model for describing emotions
- complex responses
— ways to describe emotions
- observe, describe, and name
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Did anyone make friends in their time in DBT? I just made one, i got her number and everything! Im so excited to finally have a friend in this state! She’s the sweetest! Said she would call me Aura! (My own treatment team doesnt call me that….)
Just curious if any life long bonds have formed from anyone taking DBT.
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I was in DBT and there were maybe 10 others in the group. 1 lady there became a fb friend. But it stayed as that. It was hard honestly for me to connect with others as everyone was at a very diff place mentally and needing to focus on themselves (same with me). I haven’t kept in actually contact with anyone from years ago in that group. But… im excited for u tho!
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She’s the one who asked me. And its great cause she lives in my town! Theres only four of us. And one is graduating soon. I hope to keep in touch with her too. The other person is the other office in a different town.
The whole point of DBT, which granny doesn’t seem to understand, is to help each other when you each need it. BUT not forming confidential relationships.
I mean i was just curious is all. @Its_me_Stella have you formed any friendships from DBT?
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Hey!!!
No I didnt. The first group I was in was very strict on not exchanging information as it was run by a hospital and we were all high suicide risk. Then second group I was in was run by the government and on ZOOM there was no allowance of private conversing or exchanging of personal information. Probably for the best in my opinion.
I am glad that you have found a friend though. 
This is actually a skill we are taught in DBT. The muscles in then face have a direct effect on the way we feel emotionally. I bet if you felt that slight smile a little more through your heart you would feel even more relief. Great work!
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That was really interesting. I hadn’t thought of it like that before. I’m going to go out of my way to put a lot of effort into that mona Lisa smile and not just when im trying to cover up my dislike for someone lol
Thanks for sharing.
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Follow up…
Wow this exercise really helped me today. I caught myself many times at work today and put on that Mona lisa smile. By the end of the day my mood was lifted, which is opposite from normal. Usually by end of shift I’m a bit cranky.
Definitely will continue to work this and make it a habit.
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There are do many great skills in DBT. I will add some videos of my faves.
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Omg, I feel like I could post the whole channel. But these ones I use a lot, if you have time take a look at the channel.
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Thank you for sharing. I am off to sleep soon so I will definitely watch them in the morning before work.
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