I am almost in day 3. I have a family member who is a piece of trash and gaslighting me to other family members in and attempt to set me off and it works because this piece of trash weaponised my own mother against me. This stress is a major reason I keep relapsing. The person I bend over backwards for blames me for the actions of her loser son. He blames everyone and never himself. I made the mistake of managing a business with him while I was also on my own career path but I didn’t know he was a troubled business man and this shit highjacked my life and got my coke habit to blow out of control. This piece of trash, I now know he likes the fact I am an addict. He used it to keep me his slave for years. It will kill me to stop helping my mother as much but she is brainwashed by this loser. As a son I need to help my mother but it cost so much time and stress. I feel stress plays a major factor in my relapse. Toxic people suck. I need all the advice you guys can throw at me.
This quote sticks out for me. Can you guess why?
For me, to get sober, I had to first take responsibility for my own actions. Once I recognized that my problems were a result of my own actions, I was able to actually work on them.
It seems here that you would like others to take accountability but what you need is to clean your side of the street. After my first rehab I felt similarly to you. I thought that if only everyone did what I needed them to then I would get sober. Needless to say that mindset did not get me sober
Hi H-Man, and welcome to Talking Sober.
I’ll put it to you straight - nobody ever stressed me into taking a drink. I blamed others, and my “highly stressful” work situation (which I later was able to recognize as my own responsibility for continuing to engage in a toxic relationship) for my drinking. But when I got sober, I had to learn to stay sober No Matter What.
You can’t be the son you want to be, the business partner you want to be, the man you want to be, until you put your sobriety first. Above all else, even above your feelings of hurt pride and anger.
Advice to you? Work on your sobriety as your project. Do something every day about your addiction or it will do something about you. The people around you in your using life will not fully appreciate or maybe even value at all what you are doing - so don’t look there for validation.
Nobody ever forced you to take a drink or do cocaine. Those actions originated in your mind, and you were the one that took the steps to purchase the drugs and find a place to use them etc. You are just as responsible for your sobriety as you are for your using.
Are you done yet?
Maybe try ameeting meet nontoxic people wish you well
Yes. I reached out to nontoxic people last night. It helped. I am just in a bad situation with the backdrop of a coke addition. Good news is all his stress just pissed me off to quit even harder instead of taking to escape