I’m on Day #5…yeah, me. There’s nothing special about my drinking story. I’ve never been a day drinker. My drinking has always occurred at the end of the day. The stress of work and family pressures drove me to self-medicate. Then, one drink would become ten. Eventually, the need to self-medicate became a nightly habit.
Days 1-4 weren’t easy. However, due to work and family-related obligations, drinking literally wasn’t an option. Whenever cravings hit, I just kept reminding myself that ‘drinking is NOT an option, tonight.’ It was tough, a white-knuckle job…but we got through it.
Now it’s Day #5. As usual, the day’s been stressful and I’ve been obsessing. I keep going back to what’s worked…telling myself that 'drinking is NOT an option, tonight.’ However, that doesn’t seem to be working. My alcoholic brain knows better. It has five days of pent-up energy ready to explode…so, around noon, it started fighting back. ‘F%#K that,’ my brain kept saying. ‘You have NO obligations tonight…and a few vodka martinis will make the pain go away.’
I know that I need to distract myself when I leave work…exercise, reading, or television. Whatever. However, I’m struggling to see how I make it home without stopping at the liquor store. Nothing I’ve tried at work has worked. It’s been roughly four straight hours obsessing about drinking…and getting very little done. I feel like I’m on the brink…of starting over or pushing through a mental block. Mostly starting over…
Not sure what I’m looking for…but…what do you do when nothing’s working? Old-timers like to say they don’t think about alcohol anymore…does it really take thirty years? Yes, I know I have a long road ahead. However, it there a critical moment where you ‘turned the corner?’ When did it happen? How did it happen? How did you know? What did you do? Was it all smooth sailing afterward??
I would wake up feeling horrible physically, id feel guilt and shame and the rest that comes with it.
As well as letting my self down and others.
That horrid feeling i felt every morning i woke up after drinking.
Or
I could wake up feeling proud i got through that night and gratefull that i am not feeling like option 1.
Knowing i had not let myself or any one else down, feeling happy, knowing im a step closer to getting my life back in order.
Thats what keeps me going when its really tough,
When im literally having mental conversations with myself trying to convince and persuade myself its ok to have 1, then telling myself i cant, thats when i remind myself how horrible i felt for the past year and a half and how much i do not want to ever feel that again.
I hope you start to feel better, and theres an AA 24 hour zoom meetings if you feel that would help, you dont have to have your camera on or even speak until your ready.
The zoom code is
292 371 2604 there is no password.
I hope this helps, i can only suggest what works for me but keeping checking out posts here and im sure someone or something you read will be beneficial to your recovery.
X
Well done on your 5 days. It’s already a great celebration, to start with.
From my first day of sobriety till today (69th day), I’ve been attending one or several meetings every day. It really helped me to stay focus and lessen the thoughts of drinking. Praying my Higher Power, every day and night is also important for keeping me sober.
And finally, the Big Book and this community have been and still are a great support on my journey.
I’m sure you ll find what works for you, and if you have the desire to stay sober, you’ll find the help needed. All the Best mate,
I usually find it works best to find a filler until I can get to sleep. Like cap said, take a walk. One of my go-to’s was the cinema - it’s easy to kill a couple of hours and next thing you know you’ve successfully distracted yourself long enough that you’ve made it to bedtime (and by extension, tomorrow) without picking up the drink again.
But that’s a short term fix… The most successful people in sobriety find ways to address the issues at the core that cause us to use and we find healthy replacements for dealing with those issues rather than trying to fill those voids with substances or habits.
You have been to saying yes to drinking for a long time. Your brain is trying to get you to say yes again.
Saying no will take some training. Eventually though it will become second nature. As the physical and mental withdrawal symptoms start to let go in the next few weeks you will begin to see and feel tangible benefits from not drinking. These benefits helped me continue on when times got rough.
Also,I said to myself on my last quit, why dont I try not drinking for 100 days NO EXCUSES. If I didnt like the results, I have the whole rest of my life to drink again.
Turns out I liked not drinking more than drinking… who knew!