every now and then - mainly when I dive deeper into recovery work, a part of me - the one trying to keep my addiction alive - will try to convince me that I am not a real addict.
The usual arguments are:
you are not using drugs, food is not a drug
your body is not deteriorating, your liver not failing, your brain cells not destroyed
you’re not suffering from substance abuse, sugar and junk food are not addictive substances
you have not wrecked “insert whatever: health, car, marriage, relationships, etc.”
you don’t black out, pass out, wake up in a pool of vomit…
you just want to be important
stop bothering those people who are really having a hard time with real addictions
you are making a fuss out of nothing
stop stealing other peoples time by blowing your own shortcommings out of proportion
what exactly is your problem, other people just have a candy bar once in a while, big deal
everybody overeats sometimes
the list goes on and on
No matter how many times I might give a counter argument, my addictive brain will come up with something else, getting meaner and meaner every time.
Have you experienced something like that? Do you have thoughts and suggestions how to deal with this?
There is no easy answer for this. But a while back I had an eye opener that helped me forward.
Maybe it helps you a bit further as well.
I have voices like you have too. One is my addiction voice wich I call the winewitch. She tries to lure me back in.
The other one is my critical self and she is a mean bitter woman who talks me down in allmost all I do.
5 years ago I was done with the first one and a half year ago I decided to do something about that other voice as well.
I went to a coach to talk about it and she ask me to imagine myself as a bus. In that bus are multiple persons and all are part of me. I have the inner friend, the wine witch, the critical one, the creative one, the shy one, the emotional one, etc.
Who do you want to have on the steering wheel she asked?
That made me think. I know who was at the steering wheel: my critical me who talks me down and says I’m a imposter in my job, I can’t do shit, nobody likes me enough beside my family, etc.
But again: who did I want at that wheel?
I read a book that explained and helped too.
Ore Google on Voice dialogue, it’s very interesting. I think you have the same woman at the wheel as I had. Kick her out of that chair and put her in the back. She is usefull in your life but less loud as she is today.
Hope you understand me a bit
Hi sorry I haven’t time to reply right now. Didn’t want to read and not say anything at all.
But I will this evening a bit later.
Sending hugs your way
I attend meetings where some of the group have hit lows that I can’t even begin to imagine. Witnessing these people and their associated stories always makes me feel like a fraud/imposter who is taking the valuable resources or time that would be better spent on others who are far deeper in than me. However, these people didn’t wake up like this suddenly one morning. How many of these members went to a meeting/doctor/AA years ago when they were where I am now? Perhaps they decided they didn’t have a true addiction? Where they are now says otherwise. So yes I often feel like a fraud. But surely it’s better to deal with the issues today? Than wait until the climb back is a lot longer and steeper. The fact we are here shows we have something to address and are taking positive steps even if we harbour doubts about the validity. Good luck with this issue, I know exactly what your saying!
I definitly can relate to a certain extent. I think what it comes down to, for me anyway, is to stop comparing my addiction with other peoples. We all have our own struggles and its important not to minimize your own struggles bcuz of what someone else has gone thru. For example, i have never been homeless. I have always had a place to stay in one way or another. But there are many others who have had to struggle with this and literally live on the streets. Doesnt make my struggles any better or worse than theirs.
It sounds like your addoct voice is trying to convince you that you “arent THAT bad”. But in ur heart, u know better than anyone else, that u struggle with certain things and that u are an addict. I struggle with food also and sometimes i would say to myself, “ur not using drugs so binge eating is not THAT bad”. Im trying to justify my food consumption bcuz ive quit drugs. But in all reality, food is very addictive and can cause great harm mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Try not to let that addict voice win. You know in ur heart what ur truth is your struggles are just as valid as anyone of us here bcuz we all struggle with the same thing… that obsession.
This sounds like my addiction voice with my DOC.
I think that food is a hard one as you can’t just abstain from it and not eat.
I couldn’t moderate my drinking and i respect the strength it takes to have no choice but to moderate and have to do this with food.
I think anything that feels like it’s controlling our thoughts or our day, affecting our lives negatively and feels out of control can be addiction. Especially if it harms us in any way.
You have recognised so much here, and that is a great strength.
This stuck out to me, althoughe everything you wrote is important.
You are not bothering anyone and your addiction is just as serious as all of ours. If it’s damaging it’s causing harm. Wether the harm is gradual or fast it’s the same.
No one’s addiction is more important than the other, we all together as kind and caring humans and all addiction leads to the same place.
People get addicted to exercise and it causes them harm even though that’s not what they are trying to do.
Gaming, TV, gambling so many things.
You definitely are not bothering or taking anyones time, you deserve time and support too
Sugar and many other chemicals are literally added into junk foods to enhance flavours and stimulate the brain to keep us wanting more and more, they are absolutely addictive. It also can lead to many health problems, for me personally I have very high cholesterol, fatty liver changes, I am morbidly obese and my belly is so big that my abdominal muscles have seperated, so my belly protrudes out bigger than any pregnant woman’s. Try not to let this voice win, you’re struggles are entirely valid and you belong here as much as anyone else. 🩵
I think you have it extra hard, compared to most people on here.
With all drugs and alcohol the go to recovery strategy is total abstinence. That gives the addict the best chance of recovery. With food that is simply not possible. Yes, you can abstain from junk food, but you still need food! So recovery for you will always be some form of moderation. I do not envy you. I’ve tried to moderate my alcohol consumption long enough, I couldn’t do it. So yeah… respect to you!
And l do think people can get addicted to all kinda things. Doesn’t have to be illegal, recreational or legal drugs. Substance abuse has no limits, the moment you stray from its intended use and form an unhealthy habit or relationship it becomes an addiction. People can get addicted to certain behaviours to make their body release the “drug” they crave… still an addiction.
I am so happy that you are here with us Aga for the reason that it’s lovely to hear from you daily and your support is appreciated.
Addiction is ugly - no matter what form it is in - drugs, alcohol, food, sugar…etc. We don’t always know what the negative effects are of our DOC. In recovery, we are dealing with learning about ourselves and how we handle our urges / our addictions. The basis for how to overcome any addiction is the same and support is at its core. We can not fight this battle alone.
It is not easy to tell your addict mind a different truth as it’s main objective is to make you doubt yourself and get you back to your addiction. You are not alone Aga - you are right where you belong and we are grateful to have you with us. Here you are among friends and we are rooting for you with the same love as you are here rooting for us.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, ponder and reply, to send so many good vibes my way
@SoberWalker This is a really good point you are making about the voices. I remember having worked out an ‘inner team’ many years ago with my therapist. With time it transformed into an ‘inner village’. But I’ve not asked the important question for quite a while: Whom do I want to have at the steering wheel? I’ll think abou that, and with compassion also about the voice that tells me all those nasty things. Thanks again.
@Andy79 Very good point on the fact that all those people I consider to be in a worse situation did not wake up suddenly like that. Maybe at some point in their life they had a simillar discussion with themselves and listened to that voice. How many times did they listen? How many times do I want to listen to this voice? Thank you.
@Butterflymoonwoman Yeah. After reading your post I imediately saw myself in all those posts people make where they ask “Am I an alcoholic? Do I belong here? I don’t do X or Y so I’m not that bad…” And you brought it to the most important point: obsession. Losing my body and mind to an obsession. Thanks!
@Twizzlers You are so right on the loss of controll. This is basically the text book definition of addiction, isn’t it? And it doesn’t matter what I might be obsessed with. Thanks so much for your support.
@CATMANCAM Thank you for bringing my own words back to myself about how this stuff actually is addictive. And so many thanks for sharing your own health problems in order to help me. I really appreciate this.
@HolySquid Thanks for reminding me that brain chemical release does not care why it is realeased. It just repeats a pattern it has learned and then I crave it. Addiction does not care if the stuff you are addicted to is legally considered a drug. Thanks.
@JazzyS Many thanks for your warm and kind words of appreciation.They made my heart smile and after all those great answers I feel whole again.
I feel you big time!
your struggles are just as valid as anyone of us here bcuz we all struggle with the same thing… that obsession.
